O | The Online Writing Workshop Newsletter, February 2001
W | sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!

| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

- Sponsorship Update: big deal still approacheth (but closer)
- Workshop News:
  Upcoming enhancements and changes
  Horror workshop
  Reminders
- Editors' Choices for January submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Contest/Market Announcements
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Feedback:
  Poll on sub-groups in the workshop

| - - SPONSORSHIP UPDATE - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

The Online Writing Workshop is currently sponsored by Del Rey Books,
one of the leading publishers of SF/F.  This sponsorship extends
through March 6, 2001, so workshop membership will be completely
free through that date.  Our bigger and longer-range sponsorship deal
is now in the contract stage, and we will send out a special
announcement as soon as we have news.  We expect to have news for you 
before March 6.  In case we _don't_ secure this long-term sponsorship, 
we will instruct you all in how to continue as paying members if that's 
what you choose to do.  Members who joined after September 2000 will 
first get the benefit of their one-month free trial period.

Visit the Del Rey Books Web site for sample chapters of upcoming
books, in-depth features, author interviews, special offers, and more:
http://www.randomhouse.com/delrey

Del Rey's featured titles for February/March: 

STAR WARS: DARTH MAUL: SHADOW HUNTER by Michael Reaves

Before Darth Vader, he was the Dark Side's deadliest disciple...Darth
Maul, Sith Lord apprentice and master of the double-edged lightsaber,
is on a mission to kill a treacherous Neimoidian planning to sell
information that could sabotage the sinister plans of Maul's master,
Darth Sidious. But it may be too late: the secrets have been sold, And
now, one man and his Jedi companion possess the means to destroy Darth
Sidious's scheme--unless Darth Maul can destroy them first....

For more, visit Del Rey's Darth Maul feature at 
http://www.delreybooks.com/darthmaul

And also STAR  WARS: DARTH MAUL: SABOTEUR by James Luceno

The first-ever Star Wars e-book publication, from Del Rey Books, is
the exclusive preface to DARTH MAUL: SHADOW HUNTER.  Experience it for
just $1.99, available now, exclusively in e-book format, wherever
e-books are sold.

More information: http://www.randomhouse.com/features/darthmaul/bonus.html

| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

ENHANCEMENTS STILL ON THE WAY

The new version of the workshop is still under wraps (we want to 
launch it with the big sponsorship deal) but will still  include these 
enhancements: page navigation in the submission listings and member 
directory; member-directory information; new questions in review and 
submission forms; and more monthly statistics.  Our next major efforts
will be our e-mail alert system for members and our special features 
for subgroups within the workshop.  Let us know what else would make 
your workshop experience better--just send us mail at 
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com.

HORROR WORKSHOP COMING SOON

We are going to start a horror workshop in the next month or two and
are looking for volunteers who know the horror market to help us with
some of the horror-specific content (like resource links and what
special criteria to look at in reviewing/rating submissions).  If
you're interested in helping out with this project, e-mail us at
ellen@onlinewritingworkshop.com and let us know what you can do. 

REMINDERS AND TIPS

Editing and updating submissions:  First of all, don't do your editing
or updating online in the Edit form.  Do it offline, on your copy, and
then replace the old version with the new in the Edit form.  Easier
for you, you don't risk having your log-in session expire while you
work, and you'll have all your changes on your hard drive.

If you want to replace a current submission with an edited version, 
don't delete and resubmit--that will cost you three review points.  
Instead, use the "Edit this submission" link that shows up when you 
view your own submission (no points necessary).  However, if you want 
your updated submission to appear at the top of the list again--for 
example, if you've done some major work on it--you can always spend 
the three review points and resubmit it from scratch.  Delete the 
previous version, but be sure to save your reviews first!

Using the "append text" form:  you need to submit your first chunk of
text via the regular submission form before you follow the link to the
"append text" form and submit the rest.


| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

The Editor's Choices are the submissions from the previous month that
show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of our
Editorial Board.  Each gets a composite review by the Board, which is
published on the site and in the newsletter.  We usually pick one
fantasy chapter or partial chapter, one SF chapter or partial chapter,
and one short story. (The volume of short stories is much less than
that of chapters, so we're not going to pick a fantasy story and an SF
story each month unless that imbalance changes. Mixed SF/F chapters
will be considered under whichever category seems to predominate in
the submission.) We also list two runners-up in each category, with
our comments.

In order to make sure that some of our most professional
members don't take too much attention away from other deserving
writers, we've decided that novels will be ineligible for EC
consideration if they have been chosen as previous ECs in any
six-month period (January-June and July-December).  Runner-ups will
not be subject to this rule.  So if a chapter of your novel has been
an EC, we won't put future chapters of it into the nomination process
for a while--but if those chapters are of EC/runner-up quality, we
will be acknowledging them briefly here in the newsletter just to be
fair.

To view Editors' Choices on the workshop, go to the submission list
and click on "Editors' Choices" in the Submission Selector.  Six
months of ECs will be archived there, with their editorial reviews.

Our Editorial Board: 
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/editorialboard.shtml

Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors and runners 
up!

Editor's Choice, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: EL'MAZAHD, Ch. 2 by
Nancy Proctor

This was a lot of fun. As one editor commented, "This has a very
commercial feel--strong antagonist and interesting plot twists."
Another wrote, "The synopsis in the author's comments made me
wary--lots of standard fantasy elements bouillon-cubed into a
proper-noun-heavy plot synopsis--but once I began reading, the writing
of the chapter drew me in." Another editor found the opening barrage
of standard fantasy names a bit daunting. But beneath all the vaguely
familiar trappings, the writing was solid and the characters engaging.
Rial is an interesting viewpoint character, while Vidar, on the other
hand, is just a little too chipper.  Keep in mind that as Vidar shuts
off any genuine reaction to suffering, he's also shutting out the
reader. Johana, too, may need to be fleshed out. At the moment, she
seems to be sleepwalking through standard-role villainy. Give her some
quirky character detail--make her seem scary to the reader, and make
us see that Vidar is really, truly afraid of her. Make her
unpredictable. 

The writing could be simplified in some places in order to be more
effective: for example, "His breath came easier, and the cold sweat
that crept down his chest warmed" could be cut to just "His breath
came easier." Descriptions like "Moonbeams formed a nimbus about his
head and shoulders" may strain too hard for effect. As for what Johana
did to Vidar, the less you show or tell us, the better--make us do the
work imagining what she might have done. For example, we didn't have
to know that she cut off his toe yet. Then when Rial helps him escape,
Rial can ask what happened (by the way, people who lose a toe have a
lot of trouble keeping their balance. They fall down a lot) and Vidar
can tell him that Johana took the toe to have it boiled down and made
into a bit of hair jewelry. Rial is a good, sympathetic character.  It
might even be more interesting if Aren tried harder to stop him from
attempting a rescue (which we assume he will accomplish).  We'll keep
reading this to find out.


Editor's Choice, SF chapter/partial chapter: CHANGELING by Elizabeth
McGlothlin

We really enjoyed reading this chapter. One editor writes, "I loved
it! Professional quality writing, a compelling story, and I read all
three chapters available." Good descriptions show the world without
creating a laundry list, and the main character's voice is distinctive
and consistent--it feels fresh.  One editor wonders if the
protagonist's foul temper--feisty heroine impatient with bumbling
teammates--could be toned down a little, since it's important not to
overdo it and lose the reader's sympathy.  We would love more
background on the Precursors and the Precursor sites, more about 
Maggie/Margaret/Margo/Magdalene/Toliver/McCrae/Grant/Umm Jibril (it's
always a good sign when the protagonist has a handful of extra names),
Gabriel, and Michael Severn, as well as Goofer Dust, and, of course,
changelings. 

Wordiness sneaks in in places:  "The continent of Ringreen is large,
at its center a vast desert. The cities are located around the edges
in the tropical coastal ring" would probably flow better than
"Although the continent of Ringreen is a large one, the center is a
vast desert. All the cities are located around the edges in the
tropical coastal ring, hence the name."   The author might also think
again about obvious futuristic adaptations of common phrases like
"another fool had to stick his two credits worth in." Wouldn't people
in the future come up with their own catch-phrases?  While the
Trajectory and the transportation devices were nicely described, they
seem to get a bit too much attention, unless transportation is going
to play a really, really big part in the novel. More, please!


Editor's Choice, Short Story: "Ghosts on Red Strings" by Tara Maya

From the first sentence of this story--"For fifteen years, Osok lived
next to the man who had raped her and killed her children"--to the
unexpected revelation in the last paragraph, we found this story
convincing, wrenching, and skillfully written. Instead of one twist,
the author presents us with a pair of twists. The first comes when
Osok watches Wayook walk away, the ghosts of her children tethered
behind him. The second twist, the revelation at the end of the story
of a second pair of ghosts on strings, is a tremendously compelling
shift. All of ordinary life is turned upside-down, and all the
commonplace household items that define Wayook and Osok and the other
villagers' livelihoods--a banana tree ax, a fisherman's hook, a pestle
for grinding yams--are revealed to be just as haunted and sinister as
the two neighbors themselves. This story is a wonderful blend of
everyday life/life altered by an extraordinary tragedy. This isn't a
story that offers any easy justifications. It doesn't condescend and
it doesn't attempt to explain or apologize for the past actions of its
characters. Instead it lays out, in spare, carefully chosen prose,
life in a village where murderers and victims still live next door to
each other, dependent upon each other for trade and material goods. 

The dialogue, which consists of social pleasantries and polite
remarks, is excellent--we can see that Osok and Wayook must speak to
each other like this on an almost daily basis, negotiating their way
through the perils of face-to-face conversation. The repeated
reference to bicycles is also a wonderful detail--Wayook, whom Osok
hates, is the only one in the village to own a bicycle. When she
thinks of the declaration of peace that the new queen has made, she
thinks of "the queen, in her far away capital where everyone had
bicycles." There is something about bicycles which suggests both
wealth and the ability to leave things behind--something that Wayook
is anxious to accomplish, while Osok is equally determined to keep him
literally tied to the murders that he committed in the past. 

One editor suggests that the author change the third sentence from
"When she could..." to "When possible, she pretended his house was not
there." Otherwise, the parallel construction "...she could not see..."
and then "When she could..." suggests that Osok is seeing Wayook's
house when she pretends that it isn't there. The author might also
want to change the tense in the sentence, "What does he have to smile
about? she wondered" to "What did he have to smile about..." as the
story is told in the past tense. The phrase "...her heart pounding in
time with the rhythm of her drum," an editor points out, suggests that
this is the first time Osok has seen the ghosts that are tied to
Wayook. But these are very minor changes. This is a remarkable story.


Runner Up, fantasy: TO FLY WITH MONSOONS, Ch. 1 by Bryan Culbert

Half of the Editorial Board found this inventive, professionally
written, and involving. The other half of the Editorial Board found it
somewhat less so. One editor writes that the author "seems to forget
the basics of structure...character, setting, conflict, climax,
conclusion." Then again, several of the editors felt that the
Inuit-based mythology of this world is a nice change from "vaguely
medieval fantasies." "No god would waste meat as Manalarq did" is a
wonderful, vivid line, but much of the information in the beginning is
presented in a colorful, confusing jumble. It isn't clear what tribe
Angiak belongs too, or how and when the tribes come together. Why
don't they believe Angiak? Possibly we're getting too much information
all at once, and it might be better to begin immediately with Angiak
and Khenukh, as they set out. Again, it isn't clear why Angiak is
taking Khenukh along--he doesn't trust him completely, and Khenukh
doesn't seem to know that they are going to go hunting for Manalarq. 
It also isn't clear how long Angiak has been home--it seems a little
strange if he's just returned and is immediately setting out again.
And yet if he's been home, why is Khenukh still remarking on the fact
that everyone had thought Angiak was dead, and asking for the story of
his adventures?  The section breaks may also need to be
reconsidered--some of the editors were thrown completely out of the
story by the second storyline in which Ekenoit and the Illuminati are
introduced. The author needs to firmly ground us in one location, with
one set of characters, before smacking us down in a new landscape. 

The tone of some of the writing seems off--"Because of their disparate
customs and feuding nature" sounds as if it's been taken straight out
of a textbook. "The tattoos fanning out from both sides of his mouth
made his face resemble an alluvial map" is a beautiful description,
but seems somewhat anachronistic. Assign dialogue to specific, named
speakers where clarity is needed.  There are also some odd breaks, as
when Angiak is thinking of Inutra's behavior, then he talks with
Khenukh and then has the exact same thought about Inutra again. When
Angiak and Khenukh are about to leave, Angiak and Inutra say goodbye.
The next paragraph seems to describe Angiak and his cousin setting
off, and then we're watching following Inutra back to the neglut, and
Angiak is purposefully not watching her go. But hasn't he already
left? These awkward breaks in the narrative also occasionally occur
between sentences within paragraphs. "The Grey Father signed that he
had no name. Angiak followed him from the Trade Dens to a cave outside
the city. He took to calling him Nomatan, a name meaning melting snow
in Quampur." These sentences don't follow each other--the narrative
logic is out of whack. This chapter is full of wonderful details--the
dream of the laughing man, the Grey Fathers, Manalarq--just give us
some room and some time to take them all in.


Runner Up, fantasy: AT THE GATE OF FERNS AND SORROW (Part 3) by Jason
Fryer

We enjoyed reading this. The writing was good and the world portrayed
was interesting and well thought-out; a character who is both a witch
and an otter is a terrific viewpoint character. The author describes
Runa as having thick warm fur and a big, comfortable belly, and
there's plenty of room for more sensual description of this sort. When
Runa is an animal, her senses must be incredibly keen--describe her
world in terms of these senses: how Nissa the High Priestess smells,
the sensation of the rain pelting down, the perspective of an animal
crouching on the ground at the level of the other witches's feet. When
she watches the witches dance, maybe you should mention that unless
she looks up, all she sees are feet and legs and bottoms (after all,
they are all naked.) It must be a pretty strange view, and she must be
fairly glad to have her fur on by contrast. You mention that there is
a "complex tapestry" of scents, "each distinct and recognizable" but
you don't actually say what these scents are. Even the description of
Danika's smell, who "possessed the stink of tree mushrooms and anger"
isn't as strong as just saying "She smelled wrong. Like mushrooms
growing underground."  When Runa sees a "sadistic grin worse than the
most grotesque death mask" on Danika's face, the description isn't as
sinister as you might hope. A tiny grin might be scarier. One editor
says, "I worry that the Danika character is just evil, and has been
portrayed that way throughout (since this is part 3), which is less
interesting than building her up as a nuanced but basically dark
character." Use strong, clear, specific language and watch out for
vague generalizations about things like family and magic. 

The concept of dancing with the dead is excellent, and so are the
descriptions of the masks that the witches wear. But again, keep to
specific details. Let Runa see specific figures in the dance, specific
actions of the dancers. Watch for slips in dialogue--one editor
remarks that "'my dear' sounds funny coming from an otter who is being
cuddled by a High Priestess." Runa's attitude towards becoming human
again seems to shift (no pun intended) from eager anticipation to, as
one editor says, "acceptance of a duty. It's fine for her to have
conflicting feelings, but they need to be better delineated." You can
tell us that she feels both things at once--in fact, make us feel how
she is both happy and comfortable, and confined, in her otter body. 

When the massacre begins, keep the language clean and pared down.
Things should just happen--you don't need to reach for metaphors or
euphemistic phrases like "the life fled her eyes" or "The burning
coals greedily accepted her corpse." If the sentences are short,
quick, blunt reportage, it's much more effective. "Cries of horror
which were abruptly replaced by screams of pain" and "blood stained
the foggy air" and "her blood soaked into the ground, taking her life
with it into oblivion" actually work against the effect you're trying
to create. You want it to sound brutal and quick, not like a poem. You
don't need to romance us with language--we're already involved in the
story so far.


Runner Up, science fiction: SHIP, COLONY, PLANET, HOME, Ch. 5 by Sean
O'Brien

We were immediately drawn into this chapter; a riot is always a good
place to end one chapter and then begin another. The description of
Jene watching the melee below is good, although more detail would be
nice. Focus on what Jene actually sees--specificity is good. Even if
she can't really see details, or hear explosions from where she is
being held captive, afterwards we should get some descriptions of the
physical damage inflicted upon the ship, how many people seem to have
died, etc. In general, the pacing seems rushed. Renold dies--readers
need to see more reaction from Jene. Does she go look for the body?
When she falls asleep that night, is Kuarta sleeping next to her? As a
doctor, does she prescribe something like Valium for herself? When she
wakes up, does she instantly know that her husband is dead, or does
she reach over to find him? What does she dream about? Are all the
members of the Council really dead? That seems unlikely. We need to
know this stuff. The author tells us that Jene doesn't want to accept
leadership. One editor writes, "This has been done before. I would
like to know why Jene rejects the responsibility (without the
cliches.)" When Jene meets with the Flight Crew, it isn't good enough
to tell us that no one knows anything about them, and furthermore, no
one has ever been in the least bit curious about them--it just doesn't
ring true. Jene has never thought to ask Renold about them? And if the
Flight Crew really has lived in quarantine for all this long time,
they should be pretty strange specimens--aliens, in fact, with their
own culture. They might not even speak the same dialect any more. 

In general, the ship needs to be described more thoroughly. Draw us a
picture with words. Let Jene peek inside the Flight Crew's personal
quarters. (And to whom have members of the Flight Crew gone when
they've needed a doctor?) Two editors were happy to see "a hint of the
old-fashioned social SF that commented on current issues using
speculative settings" and found the "focus on medical acess and
resources" interesting. The ending, perhaps intentionally, glosses
over the transfer of the latecomer colonists to the planet. It's a
great twist that they aren't colonists any more, but refugees instead,
on someone else's planet. But before the story picks up again
on-planet (and we hope we find out what happened to the Flight Crew),
go back over these first five chapters and slow things down a bit.
Give us some more insight into Jene's character, and make the Ship
seem a little more three-dimensional. Make us a little sorry (as the
colonists surely must be) to be leaving so soon.


Runner Up, science fiction: THE METAPHOR MAN by David Booker

The best parts of this chapter were the details. For example, the
moustache that the protagonist's female boss sports because it goes
with the '50's decor and the computers designed to look like manual
typewriters. The snappy repartee, on the other hand, gets old fast. It
isn't all that snappy, and it gets in the way of the narrative when
characters are constantly stopping to say something smart-alecky (or
when the author is constantly stopping to try and find something witty
for the character to say). Tone it down some--spend more time on the
plot and the special effects instead. As one editor says, "Chuck the
dream speculation and the banter with the boss and get straight to the
splat."  The main mystery needs to be clarified: the significance of
the clone is not clear. Once the transport science and connection to
Joslin is explained, perhaps the mystery will begin to make sense, but
we could use a bit more clarity (or hints) in this chapter.  Also, we
aren't quite clear on METER teleportation. It sounds uncomfortable,
sometimes fatal, and seems to scramble the teleportee over time. So
what are the advantages? When does it get used?  Nate says that "Since
this METER was only a couple of hours away from my apartment, I
arrived the old-fashioned way, by car," but would he have used one of
his few remaining jumps for this trip?

In general, Nate was somewhat less than sympathetic. He seems hostile
towards Brice, his boss (although he seems to think she may have the
hots for him) and less than kind towards Barbara, who apparently does
have the hots for him. When Nate talks about Eden 1888, the secret
society for battered women, his tone is dismissive. He says his "wife
had run to them shortly before she died. They probably wouldn't be too
happy to see me." This makes him sound like a batterer who is
contemptuous of the sort of organization that would take in battered
women.  Is that what is meant here?  

Also, the Editorial Board was puzzled by the first paragraph--will
remembering/not being able to remember dreams be a crucial part of the
story? If not, ditch it.  Clean up sentences like "Since I opened the
message, I was sure she'd be getting a return receipt saying I'd
opened the message." Lots of mysterious leads have built up by the end
of this chapter--readers will need some of them resolved soon or their
frustration levels will rise too high.


Runner Up, short story: "Ebb and Tide" by Daniel Goss

This is an excellent tip-of-the-iceberg story with what seemed to be
an entire novel lurking just below the surface. The opening sentence
grabs us, but as one editor suggested, watch out for unnecessary
detail--we know why Revelle is gripping the rigging (you don't need to
tell us it's "lest he fall.") For the most part, the writing is
professional, although it could be pared down in places. For example,
"She said nothing as twilight shadows descended on the tableau of men
spread across the bow." An editor wonders, "How quickly did these
shadows descend? This wording makes it seem as if the Captain stood
there for a very long time. Also, describing the men as being 'spread
across the bow" calls up an image of peanut butter rather than
sailors." Beware of trying to make your prose too ornamental; a little
style can go a long way. The fairly large cast of individual minor
characters is adeptly described--Aelian, in particular, is an
interesting sort of pirate, and the Nessarines are everything they
should be: spooky, magical, and given to making vague, ominous
predictions. On the subject of Aelian, one editor did wonder whether
the author as well as Revelle shortchanged her when Revelle thinks
that Aelian would never understand how her crew has been possessed by
the Nessarines. She seems like a smart cookie. Her fate is actually
quite moving, given the hints she threw out earlier about her own
life.  There seems to be just the right amount of seagoing detail: not
so much that the reader is overwhelmed by the amount of research the
author has put into sailing; enough that we are drawn into the setting
and the story. The bits of Revelle's history that we discover, of the
kingdom and the child king (masked and Nameless) whom he abandoned,
are the stuff that big, fat, wonderful fantasy books are made of. 

Watch for verb tenses--there are several instances when "had" needs to
be employed to separate events of the past and present.  One editor
points out that it would be rather hard for Revelle to distinguish
between "fear" and "the  recollection of fear" on Aelian's face. The
last sentence of this story is nicely ambiguous. Either Revelle has
given up his dreams of a life in which he does not have to watch over
a Nameless King, or else his dreams of guilty escape from the palace
have ended, now that he is returning to his responsibilities.  We have
to make our own decision as to which is the case (we hope that's what
the author intends!).


Runner Up, short story: "Mr. Overlord" by Alexander Gabriel

All writers who have ever submitted work to an editor must be driven,
at some point in their careers, to write a story like this. (Though
please keep in mind that every editor who has ever received a stack of
manuscripts written in pink crayon, single-spaced, printed in ALL CAPS
or in indecipherable fonts has a story to tell as well.) But it takes
a good, insightful writer put a new spin on this old story.  Alexander
Gabriel manages very nicely. While we've seen it done before, we're
always happy to see it again, if it's done well enough. "Mr. Overlord"
works because it starts funny and manages to become poignant as it
goes on. It's also a great character sketch of the hopeful writer as
Evil Overlord. (Poor old Evil Overlord.) Trimming the story down by a
few pages would be a good idea, though it might be difficult to choose
which pieces of correspondence to cut--possibly the second letter from
Joan Sollen, threatening a lawsuit? (It could be cut to something
like, "Is this a joke? Get a life, fanboy.")  Some other mid-story
letters could be slimmed down without eliminating them entirely, to
good effect.  Before it turns from funny to poignant, the story should
move along more quickly.  It would also be a shame to pare down or
lose the transformation Han Gorchuk undergoes--its begins to seem like
a form of Eastern enlightenment achieved through form rejections. (May
we all achieve enlightenment.) 

The story would also benefit by a careful re-reading for
(unintentional) typos and careless writing such as "Though I have been
sorely battered, I have lost so much that was dear to me." The
creative mangling of Han Gorchuk's name is funny at first, slightly
less funny as the story continues, although Mr. Corrupt Young, Mango
Chan, and Bloodthirsty Monster are all wonderful. There are some
beautifully written, elegiac passages in these letters, as Han Gorchuk
contemplates his writing career and his life--it's the kind of writing
that eventually, some day, at some magazine, an editor will recognize
with delight. In the meantime we enjoyed reading it here in the
workshop. 


| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

We list in each newsletter the names of people who have given useful,
insightful reviews that have been appreciated by the authors.  After
all, that's what makes the workshop go, and we want to give great
reviewers a little well-earned recognition from the workshop
community. If you've received a review you really appreciated and
would like to the reviewer to appear in the Reviewer Honor Roll, just
use our online honor-roll nomination form at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml or e-mail support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com the following information:

Name of the reviewer
Title of the submission reviewed and author (your name)
Any comments you have on why the review was so helpful

This month's honor roll:

Reviewer: Bonnie Freeman
Submission: EXILED EMPRESS by Larry West
Author's comments: "Bonnie's specific complaints in her crit of this
chapter (Ch. 3) were the ones that inspired most of the new material I
wrote for it."

Reviewer: Bonnie Freeman, Larry West, Penelope Hardy
Submission: STARS OUR ETERNITY by Carol Bartholomew
Author's comments: "All three of these reviewers give thoughtful,
helpful reviews.  Bonnie has given me great feedback concerning 
plotting problems. Larry catches my little confusing errors, and 
points them out without ever making me feel dumb about them.  
And Pen helps me out with her insightful comments on how the actions
of the characters could be more true to what their personalities 
show."

Reviewer: Deanna Hoak
Submission: CHANGELING by Elizabeth McGlothlin
Author's comments: "She went above and beyond as a reviewer--she not
only gave me a thoughtful online crit, but was willing to send a full
edit email and let me wrestle with the suggested corrections."

Reviewer: Michael Hanning
Submission: by Mark Knight
Author's comments: "His crits have always inspired me to write
more...and not just me, I've read his crits for others and have seen
the same...thanks!  There are many others in the workshop who have
repeatedly helped me as well. You know who you are!"

Reviewers: Laurie Davis, Pen Hardy, and especially Sarah Prineas
Submission: TALES OF THE SEEKERS by Laura Fischer
Author's Comments: "I really appreciate the helpful and encouraging
reviews I've received from these three ladies, including all the typos
Pen is so kind as to point out, and Laurie's empathy. Sarah Prineas's
comments, especially, have helped me. She makes me think about things
I haven't considered, like 'internal conflict,' and other funky writer
things. Because of her, my story has ended up a whole lot better. The
prologue, particularly, got a wonderful revamping due to her input.
Many people have confirmed that the second version is much the better
of the two. Thanks, Sarah!"


| - - CONTEST/MARKET ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

SCI FICTION, edited by Ellen Datlow, formerly of Omni, Omni Online,
and Webzine Event Horizon and editor of many many anthologies, is
looking for literate, strongly plotted science-fiction and fantasy
stories between 2,000 and 17,500 words--on a variety of subjects and
themes. We want to intrigue our readers with mind-broadening,
thought-provoking stories. Characterization is crucial. And since many
of our readers are not familiar with technical jargon, the stories
must be written in clear, understandable prose. Payment is 20 cents a
word. Originals only; no reprints.  More information:
http://www.scifi.com/scifiction/

PRISM International Annual Short Fiction Contest:  $2,000 first prize,
five runner-up prizes of $200 (presumably Canadian $), plus paid
publication for the winners.  All entrants receive one year's
subscription.  Open to previously unpublished fiction by any published
or unpublished writer.  Deadline: 12/31/01.  Entry fees: $22 for first
entry, $5 for subsequent entries.
Guidelines: http://WWW.ARTS.UBC.CA/prism/contest.htm

Ideomancer (http://www.ideomancer.com) is looking for fantasy
submissions.  Editor John Oz recently wrote: "In particular, we need
DARK FANTASY! If you have a penchant for gritty realism set in a
peerless green realm of wizardly arts, foul necromancy,
devil-inspiring dragons or mercenary bravado, then SUBMIT YOUR WORK
TODAY! I would like to emphasize the term 'gritty realism.' The
routine delivery of Fantasy 'fluff' boring the market today
unceasingly fails to realize the fierce charm of filth, disease and
brutal oppression. Dazzle the Ideomantic patron with your nasty,
medieval prose!"  Guidelines: http://ideomancer.com/guidelines.html

scifidimensions, a monthly online science fiction magazine, has
announced their Original Fiction Contest 2001, judged by Nebula
Award-winning author Robert J. Sawyer.  First prize is $50,
publication, and signed copies of Robert Jordan's EYE OF THE WORLD and
Connie Willis's DOOMSDAY BOOK.  Deadline: March 31, 2001.  Open to SF
under 5,000 words.  Guidelines and other details:
http://scifidimensions.fanhosts.com/Feb01/fictioncontest2001.htm

| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

Congratulations to our members who have recently made sales or
garnered other honors of various sorts!

Jennifer de Guzman's story "The Library of Her Dreaming" appears at
_Ideomancer_ (http://www.ideomancer.com/), where Jennifer is also their
featured author for February (http://www.ideomancer.com/author_of_the_month.html).

Mark Early's novel THE BALLAD OF SY BLACK is available from
iUniverse
(http://www.iuniverse.com/marketplace/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0%2D595
%2D17325%2DX).  Chapters from the novel won an EC on the DROWW (March
1999).

Jason Fryer's story "Silent Music" appeared in _Fantasy, Folklore, &
Fairytales_ (http://fff.fantasytoday.com/) in "The Honeymoon is Over"
issue last fall.  Jason says he received good suggestions from his OWW
reviews.

Bonnie Freeman's science-fiction short story "Turnabout" appears in
_Ideomancer_ (http://www.ideomancer.com/). She workshopped an earlier
version of the story under a different title.

Dave Kuzminski's novel PROTECTOR OF SEASWAMS has been accepted by
e-publisher Crossroads (http://www.crossroadspub.com/). Parts of the 
novel were workshopped on the DROWW.

Joseph Lemmon's novel QUANTUM PASSAGE will be published by The
Fiction Works (http://www.fictionworks.com/) later this summer.  He
workshopped parts of it under the title TIMESCAPE.

Meredith Patterson's story "Pale Foxes" has been accepted by _Strange
Horizons_ (http://www.strangehorizons.com), where it should appear in
March. "Pale Foxes" won an EC on the DROWW (Nov. 1999).

Michelle Thuma's story "The Interview" has been accepted by _Dead
Things Magazine_, a quarterly print horror humor magazine
(http://www.deadthings.co.uk/). Earlier versions of "The Interview"
were workshopped on the DROWW.

Amber van Dyk's story "Scatter Heart" won an honorable mention in _The
Harrow_'s WINTER DARK FANTASY 2001 CONTEST
(http://www.theharrow.com/contest.html). 

| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

Number of members as of 2/20: 1931  
Number of submissions currently online: 1100

Number of submissions in January: 349 
Number of reviews in January: 1497 
Ratio of reviews/submissions in January: 4.29
Estimated average word count per review in January: 375

Number of submissions in February to date: 337
Number of reviews in February to date: 1545 
Ratio of reviews/submissions in February to date: 4.58
Estimated average word count per review in February to date: 406


| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

POLL: YOUR OPINION WANTED

How can we best serve the interests of writers who want to form 
sub-groups, public or private, within our workshop?  Should we allow 
private groups (only members can view submissions) or only groups that
operate in public?  What functionality might we add that could help 
these groups form, operate, grow, and thrive?

Comments?  Thoughts?  Suggestions?  Let us know in the next few weeks
at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com.


TIPS FROM MEMBERS

I have a suggestion for writers who would like to get more reviews
that focus on plot, characterization and style rather than on grammar,
punctuation and spelling errors.  If you receive a critique that
points out such "nitpicking" errors, fix those mistakes (if you agree
that they are mistakes) as soon as you can.  This means subsequent
reviewers will be less likely to be distracted by technical details
and more likely to concentrate on the larger picture.  I think it's
also courteous to other members.  I find it difficult to read
submissions that have a number of grammatical problems, and it is
especially frustrating if I point them out, only to find that somebody
else already has (I don't look at other people's reviews before
writing my own).
--Jennifer de Guzman

TIPS APPRECIATED

Got a helpful tip for your fellow members?  A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission?  Or a writing tip? Share it with us and if we agree it's 
useful we'll publish it in the next newsletter.  Just send it to 
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and we'll do the rest.

See you next month!

The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction and Fantasy
sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com

| - - Copyright 2001 Online Writing Workshops, LLC - - - - - - - - -|

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