O | The Del Rey Digital Writing Workshop Newsletter, August 2001
W | delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop Partner Information
- Workshop News:
Gallery E-Book Publication Competition
Anne McCaffrey to comment on August Editors' Choice nominees
Change in review-point system
The September Member Challenge
Member-run chapter and art archive
Reminders
- Editors' Choices for July submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll and reviewer prize
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Feedback:
Poll: Telltale trouble?
Tips from members
| - - WORKSHOP PARTNER INFORMATION - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Online Writing Workshops's partnership with Del Rey Books continues
through March 5, 2002, making membership in the workshop free to all.
Visit the Del Rey Books Web site for sample chapters of upcoming
books, in-depth features, author interviews, special offers, and more:
http://www.randomhouse.com/delrey
Del Rey's featured title for August/September:
RAVENHEART by David Gemmell
Eight hundred years have passed since King Connavar of the Rigante and
his bastard son, Bane, defeated the invading army of Stone. In that
time, Connavar has become a legend, and the Rigante have lost the
freedom so many gave their lives to preserve. A conquered people, they
live and die under the iron rule of the Varlish, their culture all but
destroyed. Only one woman remains who follows the ancient paths once
trod by the Rigante. She is the Wyrd of Wishing Tree Wood--and she
alone knows the nature of the evil soon to be unleashed on a doomed
and unsuspecting world.
In a perilous land, facing an uncertain future, the Wyrd finds her
initial hopes pinned on two men: Jaim Grymauch, the giant Rigante
fighter, a man haunted by his failure to save his best friend from
betrayal; and Kaelin Ring, a youth whose deadly talents will earn him
the rancor of all Varlish. One will become the Ravenheart, an outlaw
leader whose daring exploits will inspire the Rigante. The other will
forge a legend--and light the fires of revolution.
Read an excerpt at:
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0345432266&view=excerpt
and read an author Q & A at:
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0345432266&view=qa
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
DEL REY DIGITAL GALLERY COMPETITION FOR E-BOOK PUBLICATION
You can still play your part in picking two workshop novels--one SF
and one fantasy--that will win the offer of a Del Rey e-book contract.
The competition is open through August 31. Most of the last six
months' Editors' Choices, plus a few wildcard entries, are competing
to become the peoples' choice! Del Rey plans to offer an e-book
publication contract to the top-rated novel in each category. The
first three chapters of all entries are available for you to read;
then rate an entry from 1 to 5 and provide a comment if you wish. You
don't need to rate all the entries to participate. Take a look, and
help decide which workshop members get a Del Rey contract!
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/ebooks
ANNE MCCAFFREY TO COMMENT ON AUGUST EDITORS' CHOICE NOMINEES
The next Del Rey author to participate in the Editors' Choice process
(after Terry Brooks a few months ago) will be bestselling and beloved
author Anne McCaffrey. Ms. McCaffrey will be contributing her own
mini-reviews of the nine Editors' Choices and Runner Ups for the month
of August. Her comments will be published in the October newsletter
(after the ECs and ECRUs are announced in August), as well as added to
the individual submissions.
CHANGE IN REVIEW-POINT SYSTEM
Beginning in September, new submissions to the workshop will "cost"
four review points instead of three. We've decided to make this
change to increase the overall ratio of reviews per submission.
The current policy requires a member to do 2-3 reviews for each new
submission. The new policy will change that to 2-4, and push up the
overall number of reviews. New members will receive four review points
on joining so they can post their first submission for "free."
This is part of our ongoing process to make sure that members get the
feedback they need on the work they submit. While we want to wait to
see how this change works before making any other adjustments, we are
always open to feedback and suggestions. Please e-mail any comments to
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com.
THE SEPTEMBER MEMBER CHALLENGE
Some core members of the workshop have begun a monthly writing
challenge, open to all, in which writers submit stories or scenes on a
particular topic. Past topics have included pain, love, death, and
music. The August challenge is elves; the September challenge is
non-standard formats (like journal entries, letters, grocery lists,
etc.). For rules and how-to information, see a page maintained by a
member: http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/Challenge.html Basically,
just submit a piece on the current month's theme, put "Non-Standard
Format Challenge" in your title so other challenge participants can
find it, and give at least brief reviews to as many other challenge
entrants as you can). Search for titles containing "Challenge" to see
some of the challenge entries. We at OWW think this is great, but we
aren't in charge. For more information and to participate in choosing
the challenge topics, join the Writing discussion list
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/oww-sff-writing).
CHAPTER AND ART ARCHIVE FOR MEMBERS
A workshop member who runs the "Serendip," a virtual gathering place
for workshop members, has offered to open up online archive space for
fellow members. Here's the invitation:
"Ever wish you could have all your chapters up on the workshop at the
same time? So you don't have to email all 450 back chapters to the guy
who wonders into Chapter 451 and decides its worth his while to try to
catch up?
"Mike, Janitor of the Serendip site, is opening up the supply closet so
you can store your back chapters. For the relatively small cost of a
drink at the Serendip's virtual bar (and maybe a review for good ol'
Mike) you too can have the privilege of storing your back chapters--or
maps, sketches, etc. that go along with your novel. Contact Mike the
Janitor at jmblumer@aol.com for details."
The Serendip can be found at
http://www.digitalphotosystem.com/Tales/BannerPage.htm
REMINDERS
Adding your picture to the member directory: your picture must be
stored on a different Web server. Make sure that server allows access
from other servers--some don't. Your picture URL must start with
"http://", the URL is case-sensitive (e.g., don't use uppercase if the
file is named in lowercase) and it must be no bigger than 200 x 200
pixels.
Using the "append text" form: you need to submit your first chunk of
text via the regular submission form before you follow the link to the
"append text" form and submit the rest.
| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are the submissions from the previous month that
show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of our
Editorial Board. Each gets a composite review by the Board, which is
published on the site and in the newsletter. We usually pick one
fantasy chapter or partial chapter, one SF chapter or partial chapter,
and one short story. (The volume of short stories is much less than
that of chapters, so we're not going to pick a fantasy story and an SF
story each month unless that imbalance changes. Mixed SF/F chapters
will be considered under whichever category seems to predominate in
the submission.) We also list two runners-up in each category, with
our comments.
To view Editors' Choices on the workshop, go to the submission list
and click on "Editors' Choices" in the Submission Selector. Six
months of ECs will be archived there, with their editorial reviews.
Our Editorial Board:
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/editorialboard.shtml
In order to make sure that some of our most professional
members don't take too much attention away from other deserving
writers, we've decided that novels will be ineligible for EC
consideration if they have been chosen as previous ECs in any
six-month period (January-June and July-December). Runner-ups will
not be subject to this rule. So if a chapter of your novel has been
an EC, we won't put future chapters of it into the nomination process
for a while--but if those chapters are of EC/runner-up quality, we
will be acknowledging them briefly just to be fair.
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors and runners
up!
Editors' Choice, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: THE SPIRIT WOLF by
Katherine Miller
A really well-done, professionally written chapter. Good opening, with
perhaps a bit too much info-dumping, though we particularly
appreciated the descriptions of the landscape. The fight scenes with
Gar and his cronies were gripping and involving and seemed to threaten
real danger for our protagonist.
A minor point: The use of contemporary-sounding words such as "okay"
and "edited" (in the last sentence of the chapter) seemed a bit out of
place in this pastoral/fantasy setting. Otherwise the language is
good.
It feels as though Willa is attacked too much and too soon in this
opening chapter. Based on how the chapter is written, it seems that
she would have been killed ages ago as a small child by Gar and others
in light of how much they hate and fear her. Willa is in danger of
becoming an uninteresting victim. One editor says: "To answer the
author's queries: I thought Willa's relationship with her family and
tribe was nicely developed, though I did question Titia's seeming
callousness in advising Willa to learn how to defend herself after the
attack by Gar and two other boys. Yes, it would be nice if she
mastered a martial art, but it also seemed likely that a tribal elder
would not tolerate such vicious and potentially deadly behavior on the
part of the boys. The world itself seems well realized and beautifully
observed." (One of us, though, found Titia's callousness believable.)
One editor couldn't find the fantasy in this chapter, though most of
us would definitely read on.
Editors' Choice, SF chapter/partial chapter: THE BARREN METROPOLIS by
Christopher Jude Defensor
Intriguing opening. Well-written, detailed visual and tactile
descriptions here and throughout the story, which focuses on a
relatively under-utilized geographic area. Professionally written,
although it's difficult to get a sense of where the story is going,
and the mix of realistic and fantastic is rather jumbled. Several
questions spring to mind with this opening chapter, though: Why is
Manila deserted? Why are gorillas acting as servants?
Good character insight in this passage on Teresa's 'Do Not Touch Me'
dress: "Her entourage had some inkling of the injurious potential of
her gown; there existed numerous stories of bloody accidents befalling
the imprudent. They kept at a safe distance. Teresa wished that she
could wear the dress more often."
"Benchmark" is a clever term for (we assume) the more mundane humans.
The reference to 'the latest 3d remake of the enduring Planet of the
Apes film series' was jarring, taking us suddenly out of this
intricately conceived future world and plunking us back down into the
summer of 2001. One editor noted that the haughty superiority of the
young women was a bit overdone.
All in all an intriguing beginning, with enough details to draw us
into this world, although not quite enough for us to get a feel for
where the story is going. We would read on and hope that more of the
plot revealed itself before too long.
Editors' Choice, short story: HUNKER DOWN (PART 1 OF 2) by M T Reiten
We found this story engaging and well written, although oddly lacking
in tension, considering the setting in which the protagonist and his
troop of AIs find themselves. The writer seems well-versed in military
details, although one editor pointed out that it would be unlikely
that one of the AIs would be called Blue Fires, when "fire" is a word
that is used in a specific context in military operations. Small
details like this should be tight and careful, so that the author can
make the bigger arc of the story messier and more confusing, more like
real life (and real war).
Most of the backstory is given to us in tidy little parcels in order
to set up the story, and when the reader thinks about it in detail, it
just doesn't make a lot of sense. Don't try to give us too much
philosophy or history: keep us focused on the immediate situation. Do
consider whether the New United Front army are using AIs as well, or
if just the Americans have them, and if, like the French shipments,
AIs could be subverted by the other army. Also, what happens to AIs
in combat--can they be rebuilt, or can they "die," just like human
soldiers?
In general, the AIs seem a little too human, Shaw seems a little too
at ease in the hostile landscape (he is physically uncomfortable and
itchy, but never seems really afraid), and the explanations for the
war and the use of AIs in combat seem a little too pat. This would be
a much richer story if it were much less comfortable to read: Tim
O'Brien's THE THINGS THEY CARRIED and Joe Haldeman's THE FOREVER WAR
are good models to follow. We would also suggest that instead of
simplifying things for us, such as why Shaw has been sent out without
sufficient training and supervision, the author complicate things
instead. Make it seem as if we are there with Shaw, confused and itchy
and surrounded by hostile presences. The AIs should be scary to both
Shaw, as their commanding officer, and to us, as readers. Finding out
something about their histories before they were recruited is good,
but what we do find out about them seems told for laughs. Build
tension instead. We should also know something about Shaw's previous
interactions with APES--you don't have to tell us much, just show us
that he has certain assumptions about them.
We should be disturbed when Shaw shoots the New United Front soldier.
It's fine if _he's_ numb, but keep your prose vivid. Sentences like
"The muzzle of the assault rifle came up, preparing to fire" distance
us from what is actually happening. In the sentence "He collapsed in a
mound, spongy and boneless, mostly intact", the phrase "mostly intact"
should be cut. Overall, while there are lots of details about setting,
it is sometimes hard to figure out who and what are where in the
story, particularly in the scene with the farmer and the
children--which seems crucial to the story and thus requires more
focus.
Runner Up, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: HOUSE OF HALI by Deanna
Sabey
A moving excerpt, nicely drawn. The dilemma--what to do about the ill
child--is all the more compelling because of the juxtaposition of one
small life against the carnage that the characters have left behind
them.
However, the characters are difficult to tell apart from each other.
Partly it's that they all have simple one- and two-syllable names, but
it's also because the author has done little characterization that
would differentiate them from each other.
And it's one of the most overused tropes of fantasy that there is a
prophecy that protagonists will save their people! Although one of
our editors noted that the magic concept was an interesting one.
Watch for vague descriptions that don't actually create a vivid
picture, such as, "Elk and bison roamed in herds near the wide,
slow[-]moving Blackfish River." That conjures up a picture-postcard
image with no specificity. Show before (or instead of) telling. For
instance: "Since the murder of Lily and children, he rarely spoke.
Instead of riding with the wagon, he chose to ride ahead so he could
be alone. Guilt and remorse ate away at his grief[-]stricken soul."
Is there a way to demonstrate the information in this passage instead
of reciting it to us?
Another place where showing would be more effective than telling: "Her
heart raced as she considered the possibility that he might not have
escaped the killers." A minor change might give you this: "Her heart
began to race. Had he escaped the killers?" It allows the readers to
experience Brielle's anxiety right along with her. Here's a good
example of showing, not telling: "She reached into her pocket and
noticed that her stone was beginning to change to pink. Her father was
alive. She closed her hand around the stone and pressed it over her
heart. By tomorrow, they would be with him."
How old is the child Tiog? He seems old enough to understand and
respond to speech, but he acts like an infant in arms, and never
speaks himself. And it's difficult to work out whether Tiog is
Brielle's son or Jax's; too many unattributed "she"s and "her"s.
The line, "Could the wind be the answer?" tells us what's going to
happen in the next section, and dilutes the power of the scene where
Brielle figures out how to access her Katan. And why do they have to
stop the wagon in order for Brielle to heal Tiog?
Generally, this is a quietly moving chapter that would benefit from
stronger characterization and grounding us more deeply in the
protagonist's point of view. (See the new article on POV in the Tips
and Advice section of the workshop!)
Runner Up, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: A GODLESS SANCTUARY,
Chapter 1, by Afifah Myrah Muffaz
Good opening, with lots of good description and intriguing interaction
between Silas and the young woman. Silas becomes immediately
sympathetic (though his name may be repeated too often). Nice
description of the lightning strike. But despite the good description,
much of the writing, while poetic, is confusing. Here are some
examples:
"A cloud passed over the moon just then, ensconcing his lover in a
heartfelt embrace." Whose lover? Silas'? The cloud's?
"The cemetery was a cranky old thing today, but Silas wasn't about to
be cuckolded by his baby." We're lost again. The cemetery is
described as cranky and old--is it also a baby? Can one be cuckolded
by a baby? Cuckolded with whom?
A third example: When the naked woman appears we're told that:
"[Silas] was a little too old to want, and he knew it." Too old to
want an attractive and naked young woman? Too old for an attractive,
naked young woman to want him? Which is it?
Silas' cottage was nicely portrayed, but the "grumpy heater" was a bit
too much personification after the "cranky cemetery" and started to
conjure up cartoony images.
Rae goes to sleep in fairly normal fashion in Silas' chair, but when
she wakes up we're told that: ". . .she stretched out like a cat upon
the table." Does that mean she actually climbed up onto the table and
stretched out on it? It must be an awfully big table. A moment later
she "skipped off the table, landing silently on all fours." Up till
now she's been a young woman, and jumping from a table to land on all
fours in that form would be awkward, if not extremely painful. Has she
changed her shape?
This was a well-developed, atmospheric piece that piqued our curiosity
despite the confusing passages, though there's not much hint of a
larger story in this chapter itself.
Runner Up, science fiction chapter/partial chapter: THE BORDERLINES,
Chapter 4 by Amanda Licht
Good beginning, though the use of "fucked up" seems a bit gratuitous
in the fourth sentence. We found lots of grammatical nits to pick,
such as the substitution of "it's" for "its" and the omission of
"had" in the past pluperfect. There were also quite a few spelling
errors.
The word 'litany' seems out of place in the following passage: "Kitra
felt her heart-rate rising from its steady litany as anxiety set in."
A litany involves the recitation of words. Perhaps 'rhythm' would be a
better choice here.
The light lock is a nice detail.
Good passage: "It occurred to her tired mind that it was a bizarre
thing to walk through the dark, yet see with exact clarity. Darkness,
as an optical phenomena [should be 'phenomenon'] no longer existed.
She felt the absence of light with her body and mind, and it was
reassuring. Safe." There's also some good dialogue between Kitra and
Aerno. It's a little jarring though for them to say things such as:
"'You've been crying.'
'A little.' She fidgeted and moved closer. 'Is it still broken?'
'What?'
'Your heart.'"
followed by:
"She smiled. 'You're such a bummer, man.'"
All in all, a fairly interesting chapter.
Runner Up, science fiction chapter/partial chapter: THE CHATTERBOX by
Carol Hadley
Some nice action in this piece, with the potential for an interesting
story, though Payne's bee-virus plot seems silly and unbelievable.
For a while we were intrigued by the numerous repetitions of the
phrase "Give the cat a bite," thinking that we would eventually learn
who was saying it and why. That we didn't was irritating. Is the cat
speaking? Is that something usual in this world? Is the cat perhaps a
robot? Is that why "its nails scored deep gouges in the panels" when
it slides down the back of the truck?
Drizmal? Does the author mean dismal here? Major awkwardness in the
following passage: "Payne then entered the amount and ran the scanner
over Curtis' palm implant. Implants are so secure now, that once the
transaction is completed, the code automatically deletes from the
scanner and if Curtis no longer had a pulse, only the courts could
extract that money." Keep everything in the past tense. That little
foray into the present has the effect of the author turning to address
the reader, and knocks us completely out of the story.
We found lots of missing and misplaced commas! Do some research on
where a comma belongs and where it does not. (For example, one does
not belong after "belongs" just now.)
It seems odd that Payne doesn't look around to see if anyone is nearby
before he outlines his nefarious plans to the others. We need to be
told that Payne has left his seat before he approaches the cat and
that he has sat down again before the following: "With a look of
displeasure for his animated napkin frolicking across the sidewalk, he
impatiently plucked Mac's unused linen from beneath his equally
unemployed utensils."
Altogether an intriguing story, but marred by awkward writing, an
unbelievable plot thread, and annoyingly vague devices such as the
unattributed "Give the cat a bite."
Runner Up, short story: THE IDIOT BOX by Steven Bratman
The opening sentence of this story was one of the most engaging we've
ever read, but the story itself is a bit shaky in tone--never quite
satire, never quite convincingly bureaucratic in detail. The writing
is good, but needs to be gone over thoroughly: learn the rules about
comma usage. There are lots of wonderful, quirky, and inventive
details, like the dog-brain mattress, the overly sensitive bonsai
tree, and especially the Idiot Box itself. However, inventive detail
isn't quite enough--we also need bureaucratic details, such as
schedules, and paperwork, and entanglements. Petitioners seem to walk
in and out of Klaus's office freely, which just doesn't ring true.
Decisions are made much too quickly, and it's as if Klaus and the
narrator work in a vacuum for much of the story, with no underlings
and no one to answer to, either. It might be better if you made them
field workers, rather than higher-ups: it doesn't seem accurate that
someone up so high in the food chain would be doing this kind of work.
We need to have a sharper sense of your characters as well. You
haven't thought through the relationship between the narrator and
Konstantine Klaus (the name, perhaps, is a bit too Kris Kringle, and
as one editor points out, use either first or last name to attribute
his dialogue, don't float between both). Konstantine is a cowboy
administrator who once had a real (although unorthodox) feel for his
work, but is beginning to burn out, or he's an incompetent political
appointee. Which? When the narrator allows Klaus to make a stupid
mistake about the SALLY (and why refer to SALLY as "she" when it's
gender neutral?), his motivations seem obscure. Does he want revenge?
Why doesn't he brief his superior before each appointment? And why
doesn't he have or need a desk? We also need to know more about
Sylvia Monroe; her revenge on Klaus seems annoying rather than
strategic. It isn't going to get her anywhere.
While the ending seems overly pat (we don't care enough about the
narrator to feel badly for him when he inherits his dream/nightmare
job), everything about the scene containing the Idiot Box is
marvelous. Even the death of the fake Sylvia Monroe could be
wonderfully slapstick if we had a little more sense of her as a
character. Perhaps you could introduce the Idiot Box sooner, so that
throughout the entire story the narrator and Klaus could be puzzling
over who sent it, and whether it's sentient or not, and so that the
tiny mother and the rest of the family could comment on the other
applicants. It doesn't particularly work when Klaus leaves the office,
and the narrator begins to screw up, and the scene with the field trip
doesn't seem particularly organic to the story. Do consider making
this a story about field operatives calling on various inventors and
confiscating their work, rather than a quirky but static government
office story.
Runner Up, short story: PAIN LIKE LOST FIRE by Penelope Hardy
All three of the stories this month made reference to various
institutions: army life, government jobs, and prison sentences. While
this story is well-written, and the setting has a lot of potential, at
the moment it hasn't yet come to life. Much of it is murky and gets
lost in its own smoke. The back story, Reesy's first fire, seems both
too prominent and not clear enough. The story seems to rush towards a
revelation about Reesy's father and Joey's death, and yet, because we
don't know much about Reesy's relationship with Joey, the revelations
don't have as much impact as they should. It also seems an artificial
device that Mr. Fitch would try to alleviate Reesy's feelings of guilt
about Joey's death, and too melodramatic when he reveals that his
daughter died in a fire. We don't get any sense of him as a
character--he's a supernatural firefighter ex machina. Make him a
complex and real person instead.
The fantasy element is also obscure: Reesy seems to have an odd
relationship with fire, which renders her hairless but not scarred.
She loses even her pubic hair in the second fire: why didn't she lose
her hair to the first fire? (It might be more interesting if she were
already hairless when she went to prison--it would complicate her
relationship with the other inmates.) Mr. Fitch seems to have been
marked by fire in the same way, but we don't ever learn much more, and
in some way it deflates tension in the story that Reesy seems
invulnerable to fire. Something is missing here, or hasn't been fully
thought out: most of the editors weren't quite sure if or why Reesy
was invulnerable, and what it meant to the story. This seems to be a
story about redemption, but it also reads a bit like a quickly
sketched backstory for an X-Men character: how Reesy discovers her
superpower/tragic history of the superhero as a teenager. Make things
a bit more complex--tell us something about prison, for example, or
even just more about Reesy and fire.
It seems odd to have given us a character in such a vulnerable
position and not to use that tension. Maybe begin more slowly, and
show us more of Reesy's relationship with the other prisoners, more
about her life. And during the fire, make sure to give us lots of
specific details about heat and noise and smell and what things on
fire look like. At the moment, this is a generic fire in a generic
forest, and all the descriptive detail is more cliched than it is
telling. Tell us things about fire that we don't know, that will make
Reesy's situation vivid and tension-filled. YOUNG MEN AND FIRE by
Norman Maclean might be a useful reference source. (It's also a
wonderful book.)
Keep your writing tight. Avoid phrases like "facade of professional
nonchalance" and verbs like "raged" (unless you are referring to
fires). Sentences like "The kid led her through various twists and
turns and stopped before a door labeled with a stick figure in skirt
and pony tails" work too hard. "He took her to the women's bathroom"
is a lot easier to write, and a lot simpler to parse. Pare down the
writing that gets your characters in and out of doors, and concentrate
instead on giving us telling detail about characters and setting--and
fires.
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
This month's reviewer MVPs are the three top reviewers from July's
Crit Marathon, conceived, organized, and managed by member Penelope
Hardy. Those reviewers are:
Carol Bartholomew: one of two most consistent critiquers in a marathon
that challenged participants to critique consistently (a certain
number of reviews per day) all month long
Greg Byrne: the other of two most consistent critiquers
Mike Blumer: most prolific critiquer overall during the Marathon
Although the Marathon didn't originally include prizes--the
prize-winners were the recipients of all those July critiques!--all
three top reviewers will receive a book from us at OWW as a token of
our appreciation for contributing so many critiques. We just can't
help ourselves.
We list in the Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop the people who
have given useful, insightful reviews that have been appreciated by
the authors. After all, that's what makes the workshop go, and we
want to give great reviewers a little well-earned recognition from the
workshop community. In the newsletter we list reviewer names and
submissions reviewed; on the site we also include comments from the
submission's author. Most months we also award a prize to one or
more special reviewers. If you've received a review you really
appreciated and would like to the reviewer to appear in the Reviewer
Honor Roll, just use our online honor-roll nomination form at
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
This month's honor roll:
Scott Anderson, reviewing "The Chamber of Forgetting" by Sarah Prineas
Hannah Bowen, reviewing DISSONANCE, Chapter 1, by Melinda Kimberly
Tom Brown, reviewing WIZARD'S PRISM, Prologue and Chapter 1, by Tim
Greaton
Laura Fischer, reviewing DISSONANCE, Chapters 1 and 2, by Melinda
Kimberly
Kyri Freeman, reviewing WILL by Jeff Stanley
Sam Godwin, reviewing THE POWER AWAKENED, Chapter 1, by Cara Murray
Ilona Gordon, reviewing WILL by Jeff Stanley
Dorian E. Gray, reviewing STARFALL, Chapter 18, by Bonnie Freeman
Penelope Hardy, reviewing DISSONANCE, Chapter 1, by Melinda Kimberly
A.L. Hicks, reviewing FEAR ITSELF, Chapter 8, by Bob Allen
John Hoddy, reviewing LITTLE FOX by Sara Ryan
Laura Kent, reviewing JEWEL OF THE DRAGON, Chapter 2, by Michael Canty
Laura Kent, reviewing "Elf Challenge: An Elf in Stereotypical
Clothing" by JW wrenn
Glenn Kirker, reviewing THE RING OF CALBANNIN by Greg Byrne
Bruce Krychek, reviewing WILL by Jeff Stanley
Margo Lerwill, reviewing THE HEIRS OF TELCAR, Chapter 7, by Jennifer
Michaels
Trey Nix, reviewing THE ARRIVAL by Aaron Harms
Larry Payne, reviewing WILL by Jeff Stanley
Matt Reiten, reviewing WILL by Jeff Stanley
Eric Schultz, reviewing "Winged Victory" and "The Chamber of
Forgetting" by Sarah Prineas
Leslie Sebastian, reviewing STALEMATE by Laura Kent
More details and specific praise can be found at:
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Congratulations to our members who have recently made sales or
garnered other honors of various sorts! ("DROWW" is the original Del
Rey workshop, 3/99-9/00.) The latest news is listed below. Our
complete online Hall of Fame is at
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/halloffame.shtml
Justin Elliot has placed two short stories for publication: "The Soul
Gem" appears in e-zine _The Hallow_ and webzine _Alternate Realities_
(http://www.alternaterealitieszine.com) bought "A Pre-Dinner Tale" for
the September/October 2001 isue. Justin says, "Both stories were
workshopped, and the advice I gained helped me mold both pieces into
stronger stories."
Charles Coleman Finlay has sold story "The Political Officer" to _The
Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction_ (http://www.sfsite.com/fsf/).
He says, "The workshop reviews caught some errors, helped me cut a
scene (as usual), and generally improved it, so I owe another big
thank you to all my reviewers."
Melinda Kimberly has placed her story "Violins" with _Morbid Musings_,
a new online magazine (http://www.meghansmusings.com/Morbid.html).
It's "a kinda dark piece about a psychic violinist who ends up falling
victim to her own visions," and was workshopped with us.
Diana Price has sold short story "Red, White and Blue" (a.k.a.
"Love Without Fences") to the anthology BRAINBOX 2, the sequel to the
Stoker-nominated BRAINBOX: THE REAL HORROR. The story was workshopped.
Sarah Prineas, author of two EC short stories and a runner up, has
sold story "Water, Green River, Daybreak" (EC, 1/01) to _Strange
Horizons_ (http://www.strangehorizons.com) for October publication.
This is her first pro sale. Yay, Sarah!
Two workshopped stories by Marc Sanchez have been accepted for
publication. "Deep Acolyte" was picked up by _Nightscapes: The Online
Cthulhu Mythos Magazine_ (http://www.toddalan.com/~berglund/ns14.htm)
and will appear in Issue 15, and "Grey Swirlings" will be in the
September 2001 issue of e-zine _Dark Moon Rising_
(http://www.darkmoonrising.com/). Marc says that the workshop has
been an absolute blessing.
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 7/20: 5475
Number of submissions currently online: 1800
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 64%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 1.4%
Number of submissions in July: 1037
Number of reviews in July: 4690
Ratio of reviews/submissions in July: 4.51
Estimated average word count per review in July: 366
Number of submissions in August to date: 600
Number of reviews in August to date: 2254
Ratio of reviews/submissions in August to date: 3.76
Estimated average word count per review in August to date: 349
| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
POLL: Telltale trouble?
We need to know if you're getting duplicate telltales or otherwise
experiencing any telltale bugs. We've gotten a couple of reports of
duplicates, but need more data to track down and fix the problem.
Please let us know, with details (e.g., forward us the messages) at
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
TIP: Narratology 101 (a brief introduction to point of view in fiction)
Member Ruth Nestvold, whose story "Latency Time" appeared in the July
2001 issue of _Asimov's Science Fiction Magazine_, has contributed a
short article on point of view, a recent and perennial topic of
discussion on our mailing list. The full article can be found in the
workshop's Tips and Advice area. It starts like this:
Point of view, viewpoint, first person, third person: a story
can't be written without "using" point of view. And the better we
know the ways in which it _can_ be used, the better use we will
make of it.
The two main points of view are those of third-person narration,
in which the narrator stands outside the story itself, and
first-person narration, in which the narrator participates in the
story. The first type always uses third-person pronouns ("he,"
"she," "they"), while the latter narrator also uses the
first-person ("I").
These are not the only distinctions, however. Besides exotic types
like second person narration (the standard form for text
adventures), first and third person can be used in many different
variations.
Check the Tips and Advice area for the rest of this clear and useful
article: http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/tips/
TIP: Recommended article on rules of writing
Nalo Hopkinson, an award-winning author who's one of our Editors'
Choice administrators, recommends the following article by author
Elmore Leonard:
http://www.nytimes.com/2001/07/16/books/16LEON.html?searchpv=day06
She notes, "I like that after every "rule" he gives, he cites a writer who
breaks the rule, and does so successfully."
TIP: Why use the rating numbers?
Member Greg Byrne from Australia says: "I notice that many critters
don't use the numbering system. For a newbie like me, it can be a
little annoying to get a line by line crit with a few comments at the
bottom, and no numbers to back it up. I like to use the numbers when I
write a crit so that writers have a number or average. This way, IMHO,
they can tell whether there is improvement or not."
TIPS APPRECIATED
Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission? Or a writing tip? Share it with us and if we agree it's
useful we'll publish it in the next newsletter. Just send it to
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com and we'll do the rest.
See you next month!
The Del Rey Digital Writing Workshop for Science Fiction and Fantasy
delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
| - - Copyright 2001 Online Writing Workshops, LLC - - - - - - - - -|
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