O | The Del Rey Digital Writing Workshop Newsletter, November 2001
W | delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop Partner Information
- Workshop News:
The latest Member Challenge
Writing contest from the Serendip
Reminders for new members
- Editors' Choices for October submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll and reviewer prize
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Feedback:
Tips from members (and others)
| - - WORKSHOP PARTNER INFORMATION - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Online Writing Workshops's partnership with Del Rey Books continues
through March 5, 2002, making membership in the workshop free to all.
Visit the Del Rey Books Web site for sample chapters of upcoming
books, in-depth features, author interviews, special offers, and more:
http://www.randomhouse.com/delrey
Del Rey's featured title for November/December:
THE DRAGON QUEEN by Alice Borchardt
The Dragon Queen boldly re-imagines Camelot--and casts Guinevere as a
shrewd, strong-willed, magical warrior queen. Born into a world of
terrible strife, Guinevere, daughter of a mighty pagan queen, is a
threat to her people and a prize to the dreaded sorcerer Merlin. Sent
into hiding, she grows up under the protection of a shapeshifting
man-wolf and an ornery Druid. But even on the remote coast of
Scotland, where dragons feed and watch over her, she is not safe from
the all-seeing High Druid Merlin. He knows the young beauty's destiny,
and he will stop at nothing to prevent what has been foretold. For if
Guinevere becomes Queen and Arthur, King, they will bring a peace to
the land that will leave the power-hungry Merlin a shriveled magician
in a weary cloak. Yet Guinevere possesses power of her own--dazzling
power to rival even that of Merlin...
Read an excerpt at:
http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0345443993&view=excerpt
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
THE LATEST MEMBER CHALLENGE
Some core members of the workshop have begun a monthly writing
challenge, open to all, in which writers submit stories or scenes on a
particular topic. Past topics have included pain, love, death, and
music. The current challenge is stories based on song lyrics. For
the current challenge, rules, and how-to information, see a page
maintained by a member:
http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/Challenge.html Basically, just
submit a piece on the current month's theme, put "Challenge" in your
title so other challenge participants can find it, and give at least
brief reviews to as many other challenge entrants as you can). Search
for titles containing "Challenge" to see some of the challenge
entries. We at OWW think this is great, but we aren't in charge. For
more information and to participate in choosing the challenge topics,
join the Writing discussion list
(http://groups.yahoo.com/group/oww-sff-writing).
WRITING CONTEST FROM THE SERENDIP
The Serendip is a companion site to the workshop, begun and maintained
by a few dedicated members for the good of all humankind. Many
members unwind and have fun writing "tales of the Serendip" set in the
Serendip Bar, where members and their characters, plus various other
entities, interact in amusing ways. Now the Powers Behind the
Serendip are hosting a writing contest for these tales; all entries
will be included in a print-on-demand/e-book anthology volume
available to entrants only. Entries will be accepted from now until
January 2, 2002. For more information, see
http://www.jmb-publishing.com/contest/contest.htm
REMINDERS FOR NEW MEMBERS
If you also write horror or dark fantasy, join our horror workshop;
it's at http://horror.onlinewritingworkshop.com and works the same
way as this workshop. You'll need to create a separate membership
for that workshop; your member ID and password from this workshop
will not get you in there. (But you can choose the same ID and
password there as here, if you like.)
Adding your picture to the member directory: your picture must be
stored on a different Web server. Make sure that server allows access
from other servers--some don't. Your picture URL must start with
"http://", the URL is case-sensitive (e.g., don't use uppercase if the
file is named in lowercase) and it must be no bigger than 200 x 200
pixels.
Using the "append text" form: you need to submit your first chunk of
text via the regular submission form before you follow the link to the
"append text" form and submit the rest.
| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are the submissions from the previous month that
show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of our
Editorial Board. Each gets a composite review by the Board, which is
published on the site and in the newsletter. We usually pick one
fantasy chapter or partial chapter, one SF chapter or partial chapter,
and one short story. (The volume of short stories is much less than
that of chapters, so we're not going to pick a fantasy story and an SF
story each month unless that imbalance changes. Mixed SF/F chapters
will be considered under whichever category seems to predominate in
the submission.) We also list two runners-up in each category, with
our comments.
To view Editors' Choices on the workshop, go to the submission list
and click on "Editors' Choices" in the Submission Selector. Six
months of ECs will be archived there, with their editorial reviews.
Our Editorial Board:
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/editorialboard.shtml
In order to make sure that some of our most professional
members don't take too much attention away from other deserving
writers, we've decided that novels will be ineligible for EC
consideration if they have been chosen as previous ECs in any
six-month period (January-June and July-December). Runner-ups will
not be subject to this rule. So if a chapter of your novel has been
an EC, we won't put future chapters of it into the nomination process
for a while--but if those chapters are of EC/runner-up quality, we
will be acknowledging them briefly just to be fair.
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors and runners
up!
Notes: Many, many good stories were submitted in October, by both new
and established workshop members. It was hard to narrow them down.
And in the chapter category, SHEAVES by Kate Bachus gets an honorable
mention. If it wasn't a previous winner of the Gallery e-book
competition, it would have been one of this month's three nominees.
Editors' Choice, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: POSTCARDS FROM THE
DARKSIDE, Part 1, by Siobhan Caroll
A good, intriguing opening, interesting and quirky--though it might be
a bit more intriguing if the characters didn't fall into such obvious
archetypes so immediately. Very professionally written and evocative
throughout. We suggest that you re-think that title, though. It comes
awfully close to Carrie Fisher's "Postcards from the Edge."
Nice descriptive passage: "I want you to consult the Diviner for me,"
said the werewolf, rising into a humanoid form and leaning over the
desk. His talons were still extended, and the Worshipper could feel a
recent Death rising like steam from the Shifter's claws."
Some nits our editors pointed out: This currently reads more like
stage direction for a play with each character getting their cue to
stroll onto the stage. It's quite a cast of characters to be
introduced at once.
The author talks about Gothic literature but the Trickster at least is
a native myth; this confusion contributes to a sort of jumbled feeling
in the narrative.
The author has a tendency to over-explain, as in "Kail winced
abruptly." Is it possible to wince slowly? "Kail winced" is
sufficient.
One editor said, "I'm not sure I buy the whole wings beating like a
maddened heart. They're insect wings, not chambers filled with fluid.
Yes, I'm being literal, but I think this scene is really about memory
so don't clutter it with corporeal references.
If they are out in midday, why do they get on the night train to
Innismouth? And it seemed careless when the disguised werewolf,
getting no response from the ticket taker, "relaxed his hands into
their normal shape and plunged his talons into the human's throat."
Seems like a good way to get caught!
Our main concern is whether the "postcard" style, which makes for a
choppy reading experience, can sustain the length of a novel. And one
editor notes: "The author should know that the Lovecraft mythos is
still very much owned by the estate." All in all, a nicely complex
chapter with several intriguing characters.
Editors' Choice, SF chapter/partial chapter: SCARAMAN'S WAY, Ch. 4,
by Chad Grayson
This was well written with evocative descriptions. It's an
interesting, nicely imagined alternate world. A good opening draws us
quickly into the scene of devastation in the chapel. However, it just
didn't come alive for some of us and was even a bit of a slog for one
editor. The characters aren't quite drawing us in yet.
We liked the keenly imagined mutilation of corpses, very ritualized.
About a third of the way into the chapter there's a flurry of "my,"
we," and "me" that should be "his," "they," and "him." We get the
feeling this used to be a first-person narrative.
Nice: "His robes hung on chairs, bent at the waist like slain
prophets." And "skurvings" is a good name for the voracious carrion
birds.
We suggest that the first paragraph end after the first sentence,
cutting "But the rebels failed..." etc. Don't broadcast what's going
to happen. Then just pick up again with the second paragraph.
Overall, this was an intriguing chapter that left some of us curious
enough to read on.
Editors' Choice, short story: "Thagoth," Act 1 and 2, by Mike McClung
This was a great month for stories, and especially hard when it came
to ranking one selection over another. In the end, we were most
impressed by this author's assured writing style, and his strength of
characterization and overall detail. It was Act 2 that caught our eye,
but we read both halves of the story with a great deal of pleasure. It
was reminiscent of epic fantasy writers like Tanith Lee, Michael Shea
(who wrote "Nifft the Lean"), and Fritz Leiber. While several of the
editors found the pacing slow, others enjoyed the novelistic pacing
and wondered if the author might not make this part of a series of
linked novellas (known as a fix-up). The length of the story meant
that there was ample space for complicated characters like Amra and
Holgren and the Duke of Vibourg as well as details like the
arquebusiers and Holgren's comment that magic is draining out of the
world. While this isn't anything particularly new, Holgren's take on
the situation and his particular predicament make it interesting
anyway.
In Act 1, Holgren's sudden death is frightening, moving, and
unexpected. The author pulls it off, although while Amra spends the
next six months alone, we wondered if we might get a bit more detail
about her life and Holgren. The details in her dreams were terrific,
and we wondered whether or not she saw Holgren in them (or whether or
not she wanted to).
One editor points out that Amra tells us she spent "six months in
Thagoth," and describes briefly what she ate and how she survived
there. Then we read: "But back to that morning." This gets rid of
any immediate tension; we know she's going to be okay, at least for
the next six months. Why not transpose the description of her six
months and the immediate morning? We also noticed that when the Duke
and his followers emerge from the dead lands, Amra is far enough away
(across a square and up a tree) that no one notices her presence. She
can only make out their speech when they shout. Yet she is able to
notice that the Duke's followers are "dirty, sweat drenched and deeply
tanned," while he is "pale and fastidiously clean." And she comments
several times on how struck she is by the "absolute insanity" she sees
in "those mild blue eyes from across the square."
A few more nits: Later, Amra refers to the Duke's eyes as "pale gray"
rather than "mild blue." And "lightening" should be "lightning" in
several places; "laid" should be "lay." When Amra is struck by
lightning through the spire, she comments that it travels through her
"and down the length of that rod to the god who was speared on the
other end." But it isn't until later when she climbs down inside the
dome that she discovers the god is speared by the metal rod. And the
statement "I've got a bad feeling about this," has been an adventure
story cliche at least since it was voiced several times by characters
in the _Star Wars_ movies. Amra's decryption of the god and his
sister as having a "sick relationship" is one of several modernisms
that jar with the ancient-world flavor of the fantasy. In many ways,
she is a modern sort of woman, but try to keep an even tone.
Overall, the story could use a scattering of commas.
Amra's convenient deafness comes as a bit of a surprise when she
encounters Athagos, perhaps because we've been getting her side of the
conversation with Tha-Agoth in the usual sort of quotation marks.
Perhaps you could stress the buzzing and ringing a bit more, and make
it clear that she can't hear herself talk.
Amra never seems like a really competent thief--all of her attempts to
steal things fail, and in the end, all of her successes are more or
less handed to her by other characters. Finally, after a while, her
repeated statements about how she wished she could have helped the
Duke's men, or how she would have sent someone back to rescue them,
come to seem a bit slippery. A lot of people suffer and die around
her. This should have some sort of impact, or else make her
callousness a more up-front part of her character.
We liked the twist at the end, although several editors suggest
getting rid of the final sentence ("Eventually I even responded"), as
it seems mean-spirited and not very believable in this context. On the
whole, this was an enjoyable old-fashioned sort of romp, and the
characters are worthy of at least another handful of stories, if not a
whole novel.
Runner Up, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: GHOSTS IN THE SNOW,
Chapter 1, by Tamara Siler
A well written, interesting opening that leaps right into the story
and hooks the reader immediately. The idea of the ghosts there, and
the protagonist's drive to solve the murders, was kind of cool. Though
one of the editors found the concept insubstantial, a bit like Ecco's
NAME OF THE ROSE crossed with Jack the Ripper, in general we found it
an interesting conceit to have the protagonist be able to see people
who have died in the castle. The mundane breakfast details coupled
with the passage concerning the "silent scream of a scullery maid's
corpse" and so forth make for an effective juxtaposition and fill us
in concerning Dubric's special talent and burden.
Good detail in the baker's actions while chatting with Dubric. The
author has a nice eye for description. (Another example is the bit
about the count wearing the clothing of a noble, the sword of a
soldier and the boots of a man who knew how to work.)
However, the author needs to be more honest about Dubric. The
suggestion that Dubric might not want to solve the cases because of
the floating ghost-corpses staring him in the face doesn't make sense.
Sure, justice be done, but think of it: who the heck wants to eat
sausage and beans while staring at a bloody ghost?
It seemed kind of odd that there have been so many murders in the one
castle. And if the ghosts only disappear when Dubric solves the
crime, then where is the one whose murder hasn't been solved? Also,
Dubric appears to be the lord of the castle...until we finally meet
Brushgar. His role should be clarified.
Some adjustment of tenses would be welcome (a few "hads" here and
there should do it). The medieval tone wavers from time to time ("He
loved Faldorrah, he loved its people, and dammit, it was a beautiful
flag.")
Ultimately, the piece doesn't really feel like a medieval. The excerpt
opens with a little too much explanation, and in a medieval society,
would there really be much concern for a scullery maid and a milkmaid?
(Plus, when Dubric begins investigating, wouldn't he simply ask other
members of the staff if there's a scullery maid missing?)
Otherwise, a professional chapter that left many of us curious for
more.
Runner Up, fantasy chapter/partial chapter: DISCOVERED COUNTRY; OR,
THE ADVENTURES OF ROSEMARY THE LIBRARIAN, Ch. 7, by Nora Fleischer
This is another competent entry in this novel, with a clean style,
distinguished mainly by the touching and believable dialogue
concerning love between the two main characters. One editor didn't
care much for the chapter, and another finds the general tone of this
novel flip, though well-written and amusing enough.
In general Rosemary seemed silly, and Andrew seemed to jump awfully
quickly to change his mind and profess his interest in her.
There was one particularly strong image: "His poor mouth was all raw
and ruined-feeling on the inside." We wondered why Rosemary was
making out with a dead guy who appears to be rotting. Perhaps the
dead need love too, but Rosemary, who also seems to like bright blue
skies, doesn't seem to be the necrophiliac type. Her character needs
more motivation.
Not a lot happens in this chapter, and if we hadn't read previous
chapters in this saga, we might not be persuaded to read on by this
one. There isn't really much indication where the plot is taking us
or a sense that this chapter moves it forward.
Runner Up, science fiction chapter/partial chapter: ANGEL FALLING
SOFTLY (III) by Eugene Woodbury
A quietly intriguing excerpt. Is this science fiction, though? It
features good dialogue and believable characters. Be aware, though:
one editor found the characters simpering and one-dimensional, while
one found the story very impressive. You may simply find that you get
conflicting reactions to this novel, though that may be alleviated a
bit in rewrite.
One of us had a quibble with the title: "Shorten it to Angel Falling
and I'm far more intrigued."
We enjoyed the unusual setting. Nice opening with the facts about
Mormon family life and nice details of movement and dialogue
throughout, especially at the beginning, when daughter Laura
encounters Milada for the first time. A good exchange also between
Milada and Forbush concerning Daranyi Capital Management.
The good character sketch of Troy also reveals something of the Mormon
culture (the section that begins, "because Troy is the kind of person
who _needs_ a calling. Busy hands, and all that").
On the other hand, Milada's interesting enough, but her true nature
(from this excerpt, at least) seems awfully obvious.
Perhaps there are a few too many one-sentence paragraphs of the
following sort: "Freud would call that one a gimme." In this case and
several others, these feel redundant, simply reiterating points from
the larger paragraphs that precede them.
We're told that "Milada didn't get the pun on Brigham Young's famous
declaration." But would many readers? If not, it might be a good idea
to give us a clue.
Milada's humorous comment that "Bram Stoker did give us such a bad
reputation" seems out of character. Would she really feel comfortable
saying that to members of a religious community she professes to know
little about? When Milada talks about her home town and says "I have
not been back [in] centuries" instead of "in ages" it seems as if
she's really trying to communicate the fact that she's immortal. Is
she?
The passage when Andy gets stung and Milada first locates him and then
saves his life is exciting. The entire chapter appears to be set up
to show us that the Vampire is good. If so, it's a long way to go for
it. The barbecue is dull. It is an intriguing story, though, and all in
all a professional chapter. Some of us would definitely read on to
see what becomes of this gradually developing vampire-among-Mormons
plot.
Runner Up, science fiction chapter/partial chapter: BEE HOUSE RISING,
Day 2, Ch. 4, by Keby Thompson
This one garnered varying opinions from our editors. One says,
"Straightforward style for the most part--uncluttered. Came to life
the most for me." Others find that same straightforward style
"workmanlike" and dull. Plain prose versus stylized prose is a
personal choice, and different readers will respond to them
differently. We do see some real tension developing in this chapter,
though.
It was confusing that Andie could switch modes so rapidly and so
often. In a short time period she went from shock at finding she's an
alien, to seeming unconsciousness, to being a fighting/running machine
to escape. Perhaps earlier chapters make her personality more clear?
There are problems with the following passage: "Jack found himself
watching her in a detached, clinical way. The athletic body bent over
in a bow, the curling shinning [should be shining] hair, thick with
health despite the fact that she was bruised and battered and dead on
her feet from exhaustion." It constructs an odd image of a moribund
contortionist with unnaturally glistening and full-bodied Clairol-ad
hair.
A minute later Andie takes a drink of water. Some of it dribbles down
her chin, hits the table and splashes Jack's hand. We're told "the
drops burned like fire." Really? Like fire? Why?
And this was a bit jarring: "Andie ran down the hall, too frightened
to appreciate that she had just kicked the shit out of two grown
men..." The "shit" part sounds too colloquial for this narrator,
though it might sound okay if voiced by one of the characters.
"Cordless phone" should be "cell phone."
Previous chapters of this novel have read like a promising story that
isn't quite rising to the challenge, but the excitement and mystery do
build in this chapter. One editor said, "this made me want to read
on." One of us was in fact intrigued enough to read on to Day 2
Chapter 6, and reports, "I must say I was disappointed by the rather
stereotypical Galactic Empire flavor that had crept into the
narrative." We recommend that the author revisit the story and
re-examine the places where the imagery, narrative, and
characterization get clunky, cliched, or contradictory. (One editor
specifically suggested going back and looking at the dialogue, because
there's too much similarity in characters' speech patterns and
cadences.) Then perhaps it will be possible to build on the relative
success of this chapter.
Runner Up, short story: "The Illuminated Dragon" by Sarah Prineas
This was a beautifully written, dreamy, melancholy story that seemed
to be about not so much the disappearance as the political eradication
of magic. But despite some gorgeous and detailed descriptions, such as
the creations of a living butterfly and then a tiny dragon from scraps
of illuminated manuscripts, the story felt vague and somewhat
detached. This is a world (or a city) in which there are laws against
magic and representational art; it isn't quite clear if all magic has
its source, then, in art, or if art is merely the easiest form of
magic to legislate against.
At the beginning, the protagonist Rafe looks up in the sky and almost
expects to see a dragon. It isn't clear, however, if dragons are
common, or extinct, or merely disinclined to fly over this city.
There are other background details that would improve the story, too.
When resistance fighters come to see Rafe, he thinks to himself that
they probably haven't even learnt the true history of the earlier
rebellion. He is the only member of a resistance thirty years old.
Despite cloudy hints at the city's past, the reader is never really
given enough to put the story in context. For instance, what has
roused this newest group of freedom fighters? Why, if Rafe isn't
surprised to find his shop destroyed, has he left his work where it
can be found and destroyed? Was he making his bestiary for any
specific reason or patron? Why is he still in this city (this
country?) Several editors wondered why, if Rafe can create such a big
dragon, hasn't he done so earlier? The rules for magic aren't quite
clear. It isn't clear why the Men of Truth come for Rafe, and how it
is that he knows they are coming. All this may be necessary to propel
the story along, but it doesn't feel organic yet.
Small detail: it feels a bit awkward to refer to the leader of the Men
of Truth as "the leader" over and over again. Let him give a bland,
scary name to Rafe. And make it clear whether or not Rafe knows (or if
he should know) him.
In the end, the story seems to working more as a metaphor for the
political oppression of forms of art than as a straightforward piece
of fiction. Even so, Rafe doesn't need to be quite so sketchy: when
he's bleeding on the floor of his cell, let us see him remember the
fighters/magicians he knew in the past, and how they might have ended.
Let him wonder what has happened to the younger fighters, Verity Small
and Edward Neecer (great names, by the way), who tried to coerce him
into joining the new Resistance. Make the final scene as painterly as
possible, so that we see his creation come to life. Tell us about the
light, and the stone floor and walls, and use all the senses to do so.
Blood has a feel and a smell as well as a color. Let him remember the
baker's daughter, and the smell of bread. If in the end, he is flying
away on his own death (rather like the end of the movie "Brazil"), let
us see his life as it drains away.
Runner Up, short story: Runner Up, short story: "The Chloroform Jar,
Part One: Observation" by Nigel Atkinson
While we thought that this story was smoothly written, with
potentially interesting characters and settings, the pacing seemed
slow and off-putting. The time travel details were good, but the
future felt strangely old-fashioned, with fifth grades and Mexican
fighting hells and John Varley-style eidetic dump celebrities.
While it's an interesting and time-honored strategy to alternate two
or more character/narrative, in this case the switches in POV and
setting seem to drain dramatic tension. We suggest the author consider
sticking with Wallace's POV, perhaps alternating with Tessa Speek once
she's traveled back in time (none of the far future story line really
seems necessary--it can all be buried backstory). And when breaking
between sections, always try to end at a point of rising tension,
rather than at resolution, and then return again to that exact moment.
All too frequently in this first third of the novella, we are given a
dramatic scene after the really startling thing has already happened
or in flashback (like the burning of the ship) or in a way that keeps
us at a safe distance from any sense of excitement or fear for the
characters concerned. Begin with Captain Turner knocking on Wallace's
door, then cut as Wallace begins to help with pitch and oakum as the
ship seems likely to go down. Pick up again (after a POV switch) with
Wallace in the lifeboat and no sign of land, lamenting his lost
specimens.
Too much time seems to pass while sailors trowel the holes in the
lifeboats and then wait for the filler to set before dropping the
boats in the water. The ship is on fire! Do they really have this
much time? The passages at the end of the above section, wherein
Wallace contemplates what is essentially the ruin of his life's work,
could be told with much more feeling.
Some smaller nitpicks--the author means "procrastination" in the
following sentence: "Lyell and Hooker had warned him this would
happen; that his endless prevarications would allow someone else to
steal his glory." in several places.
We found lots of misspellings and comma mistakes throughout
("lightening" for "lightning," for example). Remember that dialogue
in which one character addresses another by name require a comma (for
example: "They contacted me, Richard.") There are lots more adjectives
and adverbs than any one story requires, and many of them aren't
really doing any kind of descriptive work: "bright" and "soft" and
"gigantic" and "little" are humdrum adjectives. "Aromatic" and
"overcrowded" get used several times to describe the same nouns on the
same page. Weed the prose a bit, and the pacing will improve and the
really important and striking descriptions will stand out in contrast.
There's a talent spotter named Susanna Garcia in one section and a
soccer player named Morgan Garcia in another. Are they related? In a
time travel story, it's best not to give characters the same last name
unless you expect the reader to draw some connection between them.
More than one editor found that by the end of Part One they had only
mild interest in any of the main characters. Tessa is not
particularly sympathetic (we don't know her well enough), and though
we see Wallace in a variety of scenes, none of them do much to advance
the plot. Why begin the story with Charles Darwin, and expend reader
interest on intriguing but minor characters like Captain Turner,
Captain Miller, Richard Goode, and Ali Bacu (a standout character who
is in no way essential to the story)? Keep us focused on Wallace and
Tessa.
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews. After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition! Here we list names and submissions reviewed;
on the workshop site we include comments from the submission's author.
(Most months we also award a prize to one or more special reviewers.)
If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, just use our online honor-roll nomination
form at http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
This month's honor roll:
Scott Anderson, reviewing THE HORSES OF ACHILLES, Chapters 3-5, by
Marguerite Reed
Mike Blumer, reviewing THE RELUCTANT ARCHANGEL by Robert Sinclair
Greg Byrne, reviewing "Old Bone" by Nigel Read
Kirsten Faisal, reviewing FELANOR, Ch. 6, by Richard Kivi
Bonnie Freeman, reviewing THE RELUCTANT ARCHANGEL by Robert Sinclair
Daniel Goss, reviewing THE HORSES OF ACHILLES, Chapters 3-5, by
Marguerite Reed
Christine Hall, reviewing QUEST FOR THE DRAGONSLAYER, Prologue &
Ch. 1, by Jon Persson
Toms Kreicsberg, reviewing THE RING OF CALBANNIN by Greg Byrne
Ays Marin, reviewing THE SANDS OF MIME by Wendy S. Delmater
Elizabeth McGlothlin, reviewing THE BREAK OF CIVILISATION, Part 2,
Journeys 10-12, by Rob Bleckly
Katherine Miller, reviewing FELANOR, Ch.s 1 & 2, by Richard Kivi
Sarah Prineas, reviewing THE HORSES OF ACHILLES, Chapters 3-5, by
Marguerite Reed
Sarah Prineas, reviewing THE PHOENIX, Ch. 1, by Sharon Partington
E Serpent, reviewing "Beckoning Night" by Dean McMillin
Larry West, reviewing THE RELUCTANT ARCHANGEL by Robert Sinclair
Larry West, reviewing "The Illuminated Dragon" and "To a Lady, More
Cruel Than Fair" by Sarah Prineas
Eugene Woodbury, reviewing GHOSTS IN THE SNOW, Chapters 2-4, by Tamara
Siler Jones
More details and specific praise can be found at:
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Congratulations to our members who have recently made sales or
garnered other honors of various sorts! ("DROWW" is the original Del
Rey workshop, 3/99-9/00.) The latest news is listed below. Our
complete online Hall of Fame is at
http://delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com/halloffame.shtml
Marlissa Campbell has sold a short story to Lone Wolf Publication's
e-book anthology EXTREMES: FANTASY & HORROR FROM THE ENDS OF THE EARTH
(http://www.lonewolfpubs.com). The story was workshopped as "The
Cure." She also published a story in HMS Beagle earlier this year
(http://news.bmn.com/hmsbeagle/98/xcursion/fiction).
Charles Coleman Finlay sold his novella "A Democracy of Trolls" to
_The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction_
(http://www.sfsite.com/fsf). It was workshopped in several versions,
and improved significantly because of it. Back when Charlie was
eligible for ECs (before he became OWW's member-support person and
Third Brain), a chapter of the novel version of this work was an EC in
the DROWW.
Afifah Myra Muffaz has sold a poem, "Asking Me," to Gothic.net
(http://www.gothic.net). It will be online starting December 7.
Amber van Dyk has sold her short story "The Queen of Hearts" to
_Wicked Hollow_ (http://www.blindside.net/WickedHollow) for
publication in the first issue, January 2002. Another horror short
story of hers, "In the Dark," was discovered via our SF&F workshop and
is included in the SIGIL anthology, published via iUniverse in
September 2001.
(http://www.iuniverse.com/marketplace/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0%2D595%2D20107%2D5)
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 11/20: 6395
Number of submissions currently online: 1607
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 69.9%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 1.4%
Number of submissions in October: 841
Number of reviews in October: 3722
Ratio of reviews/submissions in October: 4.43
Estimated average word count per review in October: 404
Number of submissions in November to date: 517
Number of reviews in November to date: 2265
Ratio of reviews/submissions in November to date: 4.38
Estimated average word count per review in November to date: 428
| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
TIP: Easiest way to quote lots of a submission in a review
If you review this way, here's a quick method of doing it that
minimizes cutting and pasting and scrolling between submission text
and review window: Paste the entire submission into the review
window. Go through the submission, adding italics tags to the text
you want to refer to, and adding your comments on those parts as you
go along (plus general comments). As you go, delete the parts of the
submission you don't want to quote. (To add italics tags to quotes,
put a less-than character, a letter I, and a greater-than character at
the beginning of the quote; put a less-than, slash, I, and
greater-than at the end of the quote.)
(Tip contributed by member Marsha Sisolak)
TIP: Checking your dialogue
When you write something, say it aloud afterwards. This can give you a
very good idea of to where to punctuate the work. It also lets you
know if your sentences are too long and would be better broken into
two or more sentences, or if they're too short and choppy. Reading
what you write aloud is especially useful for dialogue.
(Tip contributed by member Steve Herwig)
TIPS APPRECIATED
Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission? Or a writing tip? Share it with us and if we agree it's
useful we'll publish it in the next newsletter. Just send it to
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com and we'll do the rest.
See you next month!
The Del Rey Digital Writing Workshop for Science Fiction and Fantasy
delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@delrey.onlinewritingworkshop.com
| - - Copyright 2001 Online Writing Workshops, LLC - - - - - - - - -|
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