O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, Sept. 2004
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop News:
WorldCon in Boston
Clarion and Odyssey 2005
Strange Horizons fund drive
Workshop focus chats
October writing challenge
Market information
Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for June submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Tips & Feedback
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
April may no longer be the cruelest month... at least not by
September. Two April Fool's challenge stories were sold this month.
Read the "Sales and Publications" news to find out who and where!
WORLDCON IN BOSTON!
A good time was had by all. When we get links to con reports, blogs,
or photos from members who were there, we'll announce them in the
newsletter.
CLARION AND ODYSSEY 2005
Long-time workshop member and current workshop admin Charles Coleman
Finlay will be teaching at the Clarion Writing Workshop next summer.
For more info:
http://www.msu.edu/~clarion/writerinfo/05writerinfo/05writerinfo.html
And it's not too early to start thinking about the Odyssey workshop,
taught by OWW Resident Editor Jeanne Cavelos. To find out more, go to:
http://www.odysseyworkshop.org/
STRANGE HORIZONS FUND DRIVE
This came in from occasional OWW Resident Editor for short stories,
and the editor-in-chief at _Strange Horizons_, Susan Marie Groppi:
"The SH Fall Fund Drive Needs Your Help!
"Hello everyone! We're halfway through our Fall Fund Drive, and we're
well short of the halfway mark for donations. Part of our strength
has always been our community of contributors, and you guys can really
make the difference in this drive being a success.
"There are two ways you can help. The first is by getting the word
out about the fund drive. If you could put in a good word for us on
your weblog or LiveJournal, or on a mailing list, it will help
increase our visibility and hopefully bring in some donations. We'd
really appreciate it!
"The second way you can help is to make a donation. Full details are
available on our website
(http://www.strangehorizons.com/fund_drives/200409/main.shtml). We've
got a great set of donor gifts and prizes, and all donations over $25
will get you a laminated membership card with original artwork by
Janet Chui. As usual, we're happy to take donations either by check
or through PayPal, but we've also added a third option. Starting
today, you can also make your Strange Horizons donation online through
Network For Good. Network For Good is a nonprofit organization
dedicated to helping other nonprofits make the most of the resources
they have, and in this case they're helping us by processing
donations. Using Network for Good, you can pay by credit card without
needing a PayPal account.
"Thank you all so much for your continuing support of Strange
Horizons!"
We'll add that over the past few years, _Strange Horizons_ has been
the one professional market to consistently break new writers into the
field, publishing stories by more than a dozen current and former
OWWers, including James Allison, Kate Bachus, Elizabeth Bear, Leah
Bobet, Hannah Bowen, C. Scavella Burrell, Jennifer de Guzman, S.
Evans, Dan Goss, Sandra McDonald, Ruth Nestvold, Nancy Proctor, Sarah
Prineas, Benjamin Rosenbaum, M. Thomas, and Wade White. Are we
forgetting anyone? We're sure we are...
_Strange Horizons_ has also created the most stable model for funding
professional webzines yet. So give them a look and, if you read them,
think of your donation as a subscription. They do good work in SF.
WORKSHOP FOCUS CHATS
Pen Hardy sent out this note: "We have no further focus chats
scheduled at this time, and so will begin a hiatus of at least a week
and see what comes up. Thanks for everyone's help and interest in the
focus chats over the last year and a half."
OCTOBER WRITING CHALLENGE
This came in to the mailing list from Jodi Meadows:
"You're all wondering, aren't you?" says the voice over the
loudspeaker. The crowd goes wild. "I hereby dictate that October's
Challenge is Sports!" The Challenge Dictator rides across the stadium
in her chariot, ferret-unicorns pouncing random writers.
Remember: monthly challenges are supposed to be fun, but don't forget
to stretch yourself. If you normally write fantasy, try SF. If
you've never tried space opera, here's your chance. It doesn't have
to be great. It's all about trying new things. Please don't post
your challenge pieces to the workshop until October 1st. Include
"October Challenge" in your title so you can show off how fancy you
are to all your friends.
For more details on the challenges, check the Challenge home page at:
(http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/Challenge.html).
MARKET INFORMATION
Pitch-Black Books (http://www.pitchblackbooks.com) is seeking
submissions for RAZOR-EDGED ARCANUM: a collection of Heroic Fantasy
short fiction to be released spring 2005. They want heroic fantasy
stories with an emphasis on sorcery and magic, portraying arcane
materials in new ways. They are not interested in stories with
contemporary settings, urban fantasy, slipstream, horror, or science
fiction stories for this anthology. Word length 3,000-8,000. Deadline
for submissions: 31 December 2004. Payment by negotiation, but will be
a minimum of 1 cent per word to a maximum 6 cents per word, paid on
publication. For more details, see
http://www.pitchblackbooks.com/Razor-edged_Arcanum.htm.
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| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors. Submissions in four categories -- SF, F,
horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be
educational for others as well as the author.
Reviews are written by our Resident Editors, award-winning authors and
instructors Jeanne Cavelos, James Patrick Kelly, and Kelly Link,
and by experienced science-fiction and fantasy editor Jenni
Smith-Gaynor. The last four months of Editors' Choices and their
editorial reviews are archived on the workshop. Go to the "Read,
Rate, Review" page and click on "Editors' Choices."
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors!
Editor's Choice, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
LIKE BREATHING by Susan Jett
Establishing the major conflict, setting, and sometimes the major
characters in the first chapter can be crucial to hooking the reader.
Susan Jett does a good job establishing the situation and characters
in her first chapter of LIKE BREATHING. I was pulled into the story
and wanted to know more about the world and characters.
I liked how the opening scene focuses on Soreiya, an exiled queen
seeking revenge. Almost immediately we get a glimpse of the political
situation; Soreiya and her late husband were "ambushed nearly twenty
years before," she has been separated from her son, and her kingdom
lost to her people's southern enemies. I'm not sure why Jett decides
to leave this character after only four short paragraphs. It feels
almost like a tease, and although we don't get enough of Soreiya to
know if she is a protagonist or antagonist, I felt some empathy for
her situation. She eventually becomes the antagonist who will do
anything for her revenge, but I was hoping this character's
introduction had more "meat."
A great amount of world-building is thrust into this first chapter.
Much of it is solid information setting up the major conflict
(Soreiya's revenge) and the society (the mixing of southern and
northern peoples in the city of Bellis). But there's a great deal of
minute information needing clarification.
From the beginning, we're told that Bellis is a harbor city where the
Empress holds court. Young men and women of a certain age are
presented to the Empress, who grants them citizenship. It seems
everyone is allowed citizenship, from merchants' children to fishers'
daughters. I was hoping for further information about this procedure
and what it means to the society, but there was no further explanation
of this tradition.
In this novel, the society levels, class structures, and ethnic
separation seem vital to the overall plot. For this balance of
conflicts, I'd need to know more about the etiquette rules. Jett
focuses on the extravagant silk dress Sebastian purchased and the
powder they both wear for the presentation. We're told that it was
"customary to come as close as possible to the elaborate court
fashions as one's station would allow" but I want to know why. This
does not seem like a trivial thing, but Jett never returns to it even
after we're told that Sebastian had insisted Anthea wear the expensive
outfit. The setup of the court system and how it affects the dress of
the commoners seems to be a major part of this world and Jett doesn't
take advantage of this introduction.
I assume we're to infer that Sebastian is secretly a northern nobleman
(possibly Soreiya's son?) hiding from persecution and, despite trying
to hide his identity, will not allow his daughter to wear something
beneath her hereditary station. If this is the case, the subterfuge
surrounding Sebastian and Anthea's identities is muddled by too much
subtlety. Sebastian doesn't want Anthea to call him "Abba" or Father,
and after the news of the young duchess's murder, he insists even more
she not acknowledge him. Anthea's reaction to this seems so mild, I
almost dismissed it myself, but again, it feels vital to the plot.
It's not a bad plot device -- a daughter searching for her heritage in
the middle of a murder mystery -- but if this is a cornerstone to the
novel, Anthea's dismissal should be shown in such a way to get the
reader's attention. Jett needs to tighten up her focus and get the
reader's complete attention by showing us what we need to know,
highlighting the crucial elements instead of using such an even-handed
tone for everything.
This is a packed chapter and I'm not sure it flows evenly. I would
remove most of Anthea's introductory scene where she idles over
feeding a pigeon. It's extraneous for the opening events and could be
folded in later. I believe it's showing us Anthea's comfort around
birds (the reason forthcoming in the second chapter), but it might be
better folded into that chapter. Eidan's introduction could also be
held off for another chapter. His view of Bellis and his promise to
find his sister's killer are too important to be tucked beneath
Anthea's story. They are parallel threads, with Soreiya's vengeance
coloring both.
I was intrigued by the glimpse of the world and the mystery of the
young duchess' murder. Soreiya's vengeance and Anthea's secret
background are also magnetic, and there seems to be more than enough
story to hook the reader. The introduction of all major characters in
chapter one is not necessary. Jett can take her time developing her
world and characters, leading the reader through the mystery, and
allowing the reader to fill in some of the blanks by focusing only on
what's vital. Nice beginning, Susan Jett.
--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books
Editor's Choice, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter: RAINY DAYS AND ALIEN WAYS
(WORKING TITLE) - CHAPTER 3 by Dan Strong
No offense, but this is one working title that needs to be given a
pink slip. I relegated Dan's chapter way down my reading list this
month because I assumed -- mistakenly -- that there couldn't be much
of interest lurking behind this title. It's not just the rhyme,
although that's a big part of it! It's also that "Rainy Days" evokes
the exact opposite of a sense of wonder and "Alien Ways" feels way
generic. Not to mention that it puts me in mind of a Carpenters song
I've been trying to forget for decades.
Okay, the idiosyncratic carping is over. There's a lot to like in
this chapter! It starts out at a gallop: "I couldn't see! Worse yet,
with all the dark swirling clouds of choking dust, I couldn't breathe.
A chorus of hacking and coughing told me that the others were close
by, but I couldn't even ask if they were hurt; I was coughing too
hard. 'Cover your mouth.' Jay's voice was muffled. 'Don't move.
Breathe shallow.' His firm, steady tone was as welcome as his
commands. A blind leader is a good person to have in the dark. After
two more coughs and one huge sneeze, I was breathing air instead of
dirt."
This is strong first person action writing. We're in the POV of young
Sean, who despite teetering on the verge of panic, still puts a nice
ironic edge on his narration, as in "A blind leader is a good person
to have in the dark." Later on, when Sean learns that a missing
comrade has been found, he tells us "Nick was all right. I was going
to kill him!" And here's more from Sean about Nick: "I sat there,
listening to the sounds of Nick's failed capture attempts. Strangely,
his frustration never increased. He apparently remained confident he
would succeed despite the mounting evidence to the contrary." Dan
skillfully sneaks these zingers in on a regular basis without calling
attention to them, offering a powerful inducement for the reader to
like and trust his main character.
In fact, Dan is quite adroit at establishing character. What I
particularly admire about this chapter is the skill with he which
manages a large cast. We begin in the aftermath of a cave-in. Four
young friends are trapped as they search for a fifth friend, Nick, who
is lost in the cave. One of the four friends is Jay, a blind boy who
is in telepathic contact with Pooka, an alien who has found the lost
friend Nick. So six ã count 'em! ã six major characters are vying
for print time in a scant 3200 words. And Dan manages to do right by
most of them! Not to mention that in the course of the chapter our
heroes are reunited and rescued by assorted grownups, including the
fathers of two of the young friends. In deft strokes, Dan manages to
bring Nick and Jay to life on the page. And we can see where Sean gets
his flair for irony when we read this exchange between him and his
dad. "'That's right,' I offered, hoping for the best. 'There's nothing
to be upset about.' 'Upset?' Dad arched an eyebrow at me. His smile
melted and my eyes dropped. 'Did you think we might be upset? Instead
of school, we hear that you've headed off on a rescue mission. Then
Jay's dad is called about a cave-in at the mines, and your rover turns
up, abandoned there. Finally we get a distress signal, from underwater
of all places. And lest we forget, all of this happens in the middle
of one of the worst storms we've ever had. Did I miss anything?'"
While in another context this might be considered an "as-you-know-Bob"
speech, it works just fine here since we know that the dad is not
introducing new information for the reader's benefit, but rather
rehearsing his wayward offspring's transgressions, in the proud
tradition of parents everywhere.
Although Dan doesn't tell us explicitly, this appears to be a YA.
Given that, his plot choices seem for the most part spot on here --
with the possible exception of the very ending. In the aftermath of
the cave-in, the friends locate Nick and make an important discovery
about the nature of Pooka and his kind. This involves several pages
of talking head narration in which not much else happens but
information exchange. The slower pace here is just fine, in my
opinion especially since the chapter climbs to an emotionally
satisfying climax with the rescue of the friends by the two fathers.
But here are the last two short paragraphs of the chapter: Jay's voice
shouted from the hold. "Capt. Sutter! Look out! Get the ship out of
here." "What's wrong?" Capt. Sutter's eyes flew from the view port to
his instruments and back again. "I don't see anyä What the heck isä?
Everyone hold on to something!"
Back when I was writing my first novel, I was very much afraid that if
there wasn't always some slam-bam something going on, my readers would
lose interest in the story. I remember that there was one chapter in
which my characters were traveling from one place to another on a
trail and were camping for the night, chatting and bringing each other
-- and the readers -- up to speed on backstory. I had a failure of
nerve in the middle of this chapter and decided to summon an attack by
a dinosaur-like predator that killed one of the party. There, I
thought to myself, something happened! But the impulse to set loose
the dogs or blow stuff up in order to spice up a slow passage is one
to resist, it says here. Of course, this is just one chapter, but
beginning with a cave-in and ending with a unspecified collision is
just a tad much cliff-hanging for my taste, even for a YA!
But there's no way to tell whether this hyperactive plotting is a
fluke or an ongoing problem. Meanwhile, Chapter 3 works just fine.
Lose the title and press on, Dan!
--James Patrick Kelly
Author of STRANGE BUT NOT A STRANGER and THINK LIKE A DINOSAUR
http://www.jimkelly.net
Editor's Choice, Short Story: "The Fantasy Jumper" by Will McIntosh
This is a strong and disturbing story, using what should be an
essentially whimsical setting as the vehicle for illuminating several
different kinds of human sorrow.
At a future incarnation of the World's Fair, three different people
make three different unorthodox uses of an exhibit called the Fantasy
Jumper. McIntosh has a good sense of what a World's Fair exhibit would
be likely to consist of; in this case, the Fantasy Jumper appears to
be a showy technological demonstration, where users can program the
Jumper to take a variety of forms and then watch as she leaps to her
death from the top of a building. The premise is at its heart a
little gruesome, but anyone familiar with the exhibits at past World's
Fairs will probably not find it implausible. I'll admit to also
liking the way that all three of the major story strands involve what
are probably unintended uses of the Jumper, since that feels very true
to life.
What I don't like quite so much is the scene that opens the story.
It's effective in that it puts across a great deal of information in a
short span of time and without any huge chunks of exposition. It gets
the reader acclimated to the story very quickly. But Glenn and his
friends are shallow and generic characters, especially in contrast to
the characters in the other segments. Abbet and Violet feel like
multi-dimensional and intriguing characters, but I never really was
able to get a handle on Glenn. The fact that he barely appears in the
story after this establishing scene just contributes to the problem.
Violet's scenes, on the other hand, are well-developed and engaging
reading. Her anger and grief are so intense as to be almost
caricatured, delivering an effect similar to a Roy Lichtenstein
painting, all exaggerated colors and sharp lines. I'm guessing that
Violet is young, if not a teenager then still young enough for Cloe to
be her first real heartbreak. Violet and Cloe both read young, but
there aren't any explicit clues to their ages other than that they
aren't fourteen. I mention this only because if they're supposed to
be older, that should be made clear somewhere. Violet's wild
melodrama makes a certain kind of sense if she's a teenager (and
allows the reader a certain amount of sympathy for her, since we've
probably all been there at that age). Abbet is likewise an intriguing
and oddly sympathetic character. His desperation should make him
pathetic or creepy, and it sort of does, but there's also something
kind of charming about his series of weird revelations. It feels as
though he's been saving up these details about himself, hoping that
they'd be noticed by a lover, but with no lover on the scene he'll
settle for telling a partially-imaginary woman. Like I said, it's a
little bit creepy and pathetic, but it's something that I think (I
hope?) some readers will identify with.
What I see as the story's potential largest problem is the Jumper
herself. My first impression had been that she was a holographic image
of some kind, especially when Glenn and his friends are making so many
alterations to her form. Up through most of her encounter with Abbet
it's possible to still think of her as a holograph or a projection of
some kind, although that impression is shaken by what looks like her
own experience and understanding of death. By the time Violet's
Jumpers are landing one on top of the other, though, it's pretty clear
that these aren't just holographic projections, but I'm still not sure
what they are.
In some sense I suppose it doesn't matter what they are -- sometimes
story elements that are ostensibly science-fictional can function as
though they were magical and that's okay -- but it certainly
complicates the reader's understanding of the story if the Jumper is
an actual organic (and possibly sentient?) being rather than a
computer-generated illusion.
--Susan Marie Groppi
Fiction Editor/Editor-in-Chief, _Strange Horizons_
http://www.strangehorizons.com
Editor's Choice, Horror: "Knife Grinder" by F.R.R. Mallory
You have several really interesting elements here -- the idea of the
knife grinder, the sleep paralysis, and the childhood nightmares. You
also have some striking, powerful descriptions. I really liked "He
felt like he was too close to the bad dream, as if it hovered inside
the edges of the shadows, waiting for him to walk into it." And "He
tried to pull his mind back to the surface, climbing with fingers
against the crumbling wall of the chimera cavern swallowing him." In
both of these places, you are doing a very good job of giving a
physical description to something intangible, making it more vivid and
immediate, and showing it rather than telling us about it.
However, I don't feel that all the elements of the story are working
as strongly as these. The character of Frank seems weak -- you
telegraphed the ending on p. 3 -- and some of the description feels
kind of like standard horror stuff. But the biggest weakness in the
story is the very simplest to fix: commas.
Let me address the problems in order of importance.
* Commas: I am extremely distracted while reading your story because
you are missing many, many necessary commas. This makes me misread
your sentences, and I find myself constantly needing to go back and
read them again to understand them. The story then loses its
momentum, and I'm thrown out of the immediate scene and reminded that
this is only a story. That's the last thing you want to have happen
when you're writing horror.
The rules of commas are simple. You should know them backward and
forward if you intend to have a career as a writer, and you should
break them only when critically necessary for effect, perhaps once per
5,000 words of text on average. It's clear to me that you don't know
the rules, because you are constantly making the same mistakes.
Editors are extremely sensitive to comma errors, since they encounter
them so often. It's clear you put a lot of energy and skill into this
story; screwing up on the commas is just shooting yourself in the
foot. Any college grammar handbook will tell you the rules for
commas, or you can visit the Odyssey website (www.sff.net/odyssey
) and click on Writing Tips to get my
simple description of these rules.
There are also a number of run-on sentences in the story that should
be fixed.
* Frank: I'm afraid I never really cared about Frank, which kept me
at an emotional distance from the story. He never quite seemed like a
real person to me. I think that you need a new beginning for the
story. Right now, you start with exposition, which is not a strong
way to draw us in. You need to show Frank to me before he sees the
knife grinder. What does he want? What is his internal conflict? As
is, he doesn't seem to have a desire or internal conflict outside of
those created by the knife grinder, so it's as if his character
doesn't exist outside this tiny story.
I think a good way to start the story would be with Rita yelling at
Frank and packing up her stuff. That way, you can show us what you
are currently telling us in the opening paragraph. This would also be
a great way to reveal Frank's character. For example, if Rita and her
new boyfriend are yelling at Frank and packing up things that belong
to Frank, and instead of protesting, Frank slides under his car and
starts tinkering with it, trying not to get upset, this would tell us
a lot about Frank and the way he lives his life. You need to show how
his past fears make him live a cautious life -- however that manifests
itself. This would make his desire in life clear: to live a calm,
peaceful, unafraid life. And it would make his internal conflict
clear: his desire to feel no fear versus his refusal to face his
fear. This would also make Frank riding after the knife grinder a
more powerful turn of events, because we'd see that he's not hiding
anymore. As Rita drives off with her new boyfriend, the knife grinder
can first appear. So all this can still happen in the opening scene,
the scene is just accomplishing more.
* Ending: As soon as I hit this sentence on p. 3 -- "He is bound to
Muerte's endless service unless another man accepts the stone
willingly" -- I knew how the story was going to end. While some
authors can tell us the ending and still make us want to keep reading,
this is a real challenge and I don't think it's working here. I don't
think you need all this explanation, either. The more elaborate the
old legend is, the more difficult it is to convince readers to believe
it. The idea of the knife grinder and his relationship with Death is
cool; I think you can leave it at that without needing to establish a
bunch of rules.
I think you need to change the actual ending as well. It's very
corny, tricking someone to sign for a package. I've read stuff like
this countless times, and it just seems silly, not scary. It doesn't
live up to the more powerful parts of this story. To me, it seems
like you've kind of missed the point of the story. Frank lost himself
when he caused the car accident and killed all those people -- at that
point he virtually became Death's harbinger; it just takes him time to
realize it. He moves to the new place, but he can't get away from the
memories of those he killed. It overwhelms everything (and it's quite
powerful in the story). He should lose his job. He should be unable
to tinker with his car anymore, because it reminds him of the
accident. The ruined bicycle was returned to him by the police, and
he still has it. When his car stops working, he starts riding the
bike, but he can only go slowly because it's messed up, and it makes
odd clicking and whirring sounds. He makes a cart for the back to put
his groceries in. And we see him unintentionally becoming more and
more like the knife grinder, though he doesn't realize it. And then
the UPS man delivers the box with the stone inside, and he finally
realizes what he has become.
I think you also need to make the dead people more real -- let a
relative confront him at the hospital and give him a picture of
someone who died, so he can keep looking at it.
* Description: While some of your description is quite good, other
pieces feel like standard horror stuff -- not scary at all, just by
the numbers. You can obviously write well; you just need to spot where
you're repeating stuff you've read in the past and replace that with
description original to you and this story. Every writer has this
problem. We absorb what we read, and that material is often
regurgitated when we write. Tolkien called it "the leaf-mould of the
mind." Some examples:
-- "A wake of cold air reeking of decay and rot washed across him
summoning an image of maggots crawling through a human eye socket to
gorge on the eyeball."
-- "his mind flooded with the image of a gaunt man in bedraggled cloak
reaching out of the darkness with skeletal fingers."
-- "Hands connected to distorted faces, eyes wide with terror, mouths
open in grimace and garbled scream."
The accident needs to be slowed down with lots more description. You
are rushing there.
Sounds, like _creak_, should be in italics, not quotation marks.
That's about it. I think with some revisions this could become a very
powerful story. I hope my comments are helpful.
--Jeanne Cavelos
http://www.odysseyworkshop.org/
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews. After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!
If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, use our online honor-roll nomination form
-- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor
Roll page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
Your nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar
month.
The Honor Roll will show all September nominations beginning October 1.
Here are two highlights from August and September:
Reviewer: Ilona Gordon
Submission: DAEMON QUEEN 14 by Aaron Brown
Submitted by: Aaron Brown
Nominator's Comments: Since I'm using this month to 'give the love' to
long time reviewers... No ramblings on the honor roll by me would
be complete without a nomination to Ilona. Ilona was the first review
I ever got on OWW. It was DEVASTATING. I was crushed. I felt an urge
to crawl back under the hole from which I had emerged and forget I
ever even thought about trying to write something. But in between
her comments about show versus tell, passive voice, POV switches, etc,
Ilona offered plenty of encouragement (enough to get me to stick with
it). And she really has taught me a tremendous amount. I'll be
honest...I still quake in fear when I get a telltale from her. :)
But I do appreciate all the effort and honesty that she has put forth
to making me write better. Still have a long way to go, unfortunately.
Thanks, Ilona!
Reviewer: Martha Knox
Submission: "Swim, Myrnia" by Craig Loo
Submitted by: Craig Loo
Nominator's Comments: This review goes deeper than just the surface
observations. When you've been working on a piece of work for so
long, you begin to lose perspective with regards as to what is
necessary and what isn't. Everything seems to fit in just fine.
Martha helped me to realize that couched within my story I had a few
unnecessaries. Also, with regards to the technical aspect of writing,
I feel that I am fairly proficient. There were a few technical nits
that I wouldn't have otherwise noticed. Overall, I feel she's helped
me to make this story potentially exceptional.
Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during August include: Andrew
Ahn, A. P. Agill (2), Travis Blair, Aaron Brown (2), Sam Butler, Linda
Dicmanis (2), Rhonda Garcia, Ilona Gordon, Duane Grippen, John Hoddy,
Kevin Kibelstis, Martha Knox, Leonid Korogodski, Melissa Long, Heather
Marshall, Raven Matthews, Roger McCook, Holly McDowell, Jodi Meadows
(2), Katherine Miller, Brian Otridge, Mark Reeder, John Dale Renton,
David St Germain (2), Dan Strong, Ian Tregillis, Tony Valiulis, Nancy
Wiest.
We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in July can be still found until September 1 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.
Sales and Publications:
Gregory Banks's story "The Last Living Thing" will be in the September
issue of _AlienSkin_ (http://www.alienskinmag.com/).
Elizabeth Bear sold her April Fool's Monkey Challenge story, "When you
Visit the Magoebaskloof Hotel, Be Certain not to Miss the Samango
Monkeys," to _Interzone_ (http://www.ttapress.com/IZ.html). She sends thanks to Ruth Nestvold, Jim Butler, Kathryn Allen, Pete Rauschal, John Tremlett, Cynthia Cloughly, and Chris Coen!
Bill, who forgot to tell us his last name, woohoo-ed the mailing list
because his story "Fish Stew and Other Alchemy" has just been
published by _RevolutionSF_ (http://www.revolutionsf.com). He
commented that the story was workshopped in 2002 and has a beautiful
illustration by Emily Veinglory.
Hannah Bowen reports that _ChiZine_ (http://www.chizine.com) wants her
story "Troll Bridge." She adds: "Talking animals and all. There was
frolicking. Oh, yes, there was. And: bonus. This makes my SFWA-pro
sale count go one-two-three. Don't know about you, but I feel better."
We feel better too.
Eric Breslin sold an article titled "Writing Fantasy in a World that
Doesn't Get It" to fellow member David Wood's new magazine
_Gryphonwood_.
Scott Clements short story "Into Pohjola" was voted by readers of
_Deep Magic_ (http://www.Deep-Magic.net) as the Fantasy Story of the
Year. Congratulations!
Linda Dicmanis received her contributor's copy of HORSEDREAMS: THE
MEANING OF HORSES IN WOMEN'S LIVES. She never thought it would be this
good!
S. Evans sold her story "Grandfather's Journey" to _Fortean Bureau_
(http://www.forteanbureau.com) for their September anniversary issue.
Mark Fewell's story "Night Of The Space Princess" will appear in the
special editors' fiction issue of _Calliope_, the official publication
of the Writers' Special Interest Group of American Mensa Ltd.
Charles Coleman Finlay sold his cannibal unicorn space station story,
"Horny in the Underworld," to _Electric Velocipede_. He says "Ook!
Ook ook ook!" Whoops. Wrong challenge.
Rhonda Garcia finally fesses up. "The gossipmongers got it right this
time; my story 'Douen Mother' was a quarterfinalist for the Second
Quarter of this year. However, I had no idea until this past week
because my notification got lost in the mail. I finally got up the
courage to send an inquiring e-mail just two days before my package
arrived to confirm my quarterfinalist finish. Although I did not
workshop this story, I did write it with all the knowledge I had
gained in the Workshop over the last two years. OWWers such as John
Borneman, Susan Curnow, Elizabeth Hull and Pam McNew reviewed it for
me. Special thanks to John B. who posted the story for me. There were
several others such as Greg Byrne and Sheridan Baz that I owe for
taking a look as well. If I've forgotten anyone, I apologize, but I
wanted to thank all those who have helped me improve over the last few
years including EBear, Kat, Stella the Wonderful, Larry the Loyal and
John Tremlett."
We've heard that Ruth Nestvold sold "Troy and the Aliens" to _NFG_.
Also that her latest story, "The Tiresias Project," may be found at
_Futurismic_ (http://www.futurismic.com/fiction/tiresias.html).
Mike Pignatella's short story "Unsung Hero" has been accepted for
publication in the MODERN MAGIC anthology. He writes that, "although
not workshopped, it was an old trunk piece that I dusted off because
it fit the theme of the anthology. I significantly revised it, and
undoubtedly the lessons I've learned on the OWW helped turn a trunk
story into a published story!" Two of his previously reported sales
are now in print -- "Alphabet Soup" appears WONDROUS WEB WORLDS
anthology, volume 4, and "Farmer Blackburn's Wife" appears in _Dark
Corners_. (We can't tell you what she's doing in those dark corners.
You'll have to read it for yourself....)
Sneaky Chelsea Polk mentioned in an aside on another mailing list
thread that she sold "If One Should Pass This Way Again" to _Fortean
Bureau_ (http:///wwww.forteanbureau.com), after it sat in her trunk
for close to three years untouched!
John "Mmmm, clockwork" Schoffstall sold his story "Clockwork Dragons
Must Die!" to _Fortean Bureau_ (http://www.forteanbureau.com) for
their September issue. He tells us that "it was critted on OWW last
year. Special thanks to my critters for making this a better story:
Meredith L. Patterson, M Thomas, Leland Davis, and Aaron Pogue."
We read online that Jeff Spock (is it our Jeff Spock?!?) sold his
short story "Fender's Bender" to _Quercus SF_. The first page can be
seen here:
http://www.brazier.mistral.co.uk/QuercusHome/WPGFiction202-1.html
Jeremy Tolbert, fresh off his POLYPHONY success, sold "The Kansas
Jayhawk vs. The Midwestern Monster Squad" to the premiere British SF
magazine, _Interzone_ (http://www.ttapress.com/IZ.html). It's about darn time he started making big sales! Congrats.
Mikal Trimm has a story in the latest issue of _Abyss & Apex_
(http://www.abyssandapex.com).
Amber van Dyk has a story, "Sour Metal," in _Alchemy_ #2. She wrote a
swell message about how she came to write -- and sell -- it for the
mailing list.
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 9/20: 665 paying, 82 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 595
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 76.3%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 3.7%
Average reviews per submission (all submissions): 4.92
Estimated average review word count (all submissions): 605.65
Number of submissions in August: 437
Number of reviews in August: 2072
Ratio of reviews/submissions in August: 4.74
Estimated average word count per review in August: 634.49
Number of submissions in September to date: 278
Number of reviews in September to date: 1209
Ratio of reviews/submissions in September to date: 4.35
Estimated average word count per review in September to date: 663.52
Total number of under-reviewed submissions: 45 (7.6% of total subs)
Number over 3 days old with 0 reviews: 1
Number over 1 week old with under 2 reviews: 22
Number over 2 weeks old with under 3 reviews: 22
| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission? Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next
newsletter. Just send it to support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and
we'll do the rest.
Until next month -- just write!
The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
| - - Copyright 2004 Online Writing Workshops - - - - - - - - - - - |
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