O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, June 2005
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop News:
New features in the works
OWW T-shirts coming soon
2005 OWW World's Strongest Writer Marathon!
Market news
July writing challenge
Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for December submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Tips & Feedback
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
OWW welcomes back Resident Editors Jenni Smith-Gaynor and Gary A.
Braunbeck. Jenni is ready to pick up her Fantasy writing insights
right where she left off a few months back. Gary is the new
Vice-President of the Horror Writers Association, but you'll have to
visit http://www.garybraunbeck.com for all his recent writing news --
there's a lot of it! We're glad to offer their expertise to OWWers
once again.
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice winners.
NEW FEATURES IN THE WORKS
Ellen and Charlie have been meeting recently to discuss workshop
improvements. Our list includes anything that's been mailed into
Support as a suggestion, but there's still time to make your voice
heard: if there's something that would make your OWW experience
better, help you use your workshop time more efficiently, or meet your
writing goals, we'd love to hear it. Email us at
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com -- and watch this space for more
news in the next few months.
OWW T-SHIRTS COMING SOON
We will be creating new Online Writing Workshop T-shirts in the next
week or so and making them available for sale. In plenty of time for
WorldCon! In fact, if you buy a shirt and wear it for a day at
WorldCon or another convention, we'll give you an extra month of
membership! We'll be sending an announcement once the T-shirts are
done, and again we are trying to keep the price as low as possible.
THE 2005 OWW WORLD'S STRONGEST WRITER MARATHON!
E!, and her assistant Chris Manucy, sent us the following
announcement, which we at the newsletter happen to think is a great
idea.
--
The World's Strongest Man competition isn't about style or grace. It's
about pure muscle. A Marathon isn't about speed, it's about continuous
forward motion. And thus the name of the OWW July activity. Because
this isn't about style and grace. It isn't about speed. It's about
getting words on paper.
That's it.
The goal is to turn off your internal editor, to allow yourself to
write crap. So what if you have to rewrite it all! It's a lot easier
to rewrite than to compose. [If you are one of those people who hates
rewriting, then maybe this isn't for you. But give it a try anyway, ya
pansy.] What you want is RAW MATERIAL. This is a frenetic push to get
words out of your head and onto paper or electrons.
And your writer-brain will thank you for the workout. You're going
into training, Rocky. You can rest in August.
WSWM month is July 1-July 31, conveniently a Friday through Sunday.
The prize will be at the end of the month when you have many thousands
of words you didn't have at the beginning of the month. If you're
dilly-dallying on starting a new novel, stalled in the middle of one,
or pooped out 20,000 words from the end of one, the WSWM will get you
moving.
Writers set their own goals. You can set time-goals (X many hours/day)
or word-goals (X many words/day or words/week). I highly recommend you
set a daily time goal. It's a LOT easier that way. Pick a time you can
devote each day, sit down, and GENERATE WORDS. When your brain
wanders, smack yourself on the side of the head and PUSH. It will feel
like trying to open a very heavy door, but you keep pushing. As the
month goes on, you will find it easier, I guarantee it.
My favorite is to set a dual goal: a time goal for each day and a
minimum word goal for each week. In the past, I've far exceeded my
goals, generating about 35,000 words in about 40 hours total over 30
days.
Those who wish to participate should send their goals to me offlist at
barbarienne2 at hotmail dot com. Please include the following
information:
Name (nickname is fine)
Time goals
Word goals
Piece(s) you're working on
so, for instance, my stats would say:
--E
1 hour/day
5000 words/week
Fintal #2 or Nuns #1 (I haven't decided yet. I'll know by July.)
I'll expect a report each week from all participants telling me how
it's going. I'll issue a general report to the list each Monday
evening beginning July 11th. Cheerleading, encouragement, and advice
will be spouted liberally. We want everyone to have a good time and
feel like they accomplished something!
If you're an outliner, now's the time to prep. If you're an organic
writer, you can, um, buy more paper. (That's what I'm going to do!)
Come one, come all, invite your non-OWW friends! Just do it!
MARKET NEWS
From C. Hope Clark's FFW SMALL MARKETS e-newsletter, via Jim
Stevens-Arce: _Escape POD_ (http://escape.extraneous.org/guidelines)
seeks quality fiction to feed listeners. If you're a writer with a
speculative short story that you'd like to hear narrated by one of
their talented performers, please submit. Send short stories
2,000-6,000 words. **Prefer published work.** Pays at least $20 per
story.
_The Harrow_ Editor Dru Pagliosotti sent us this note: "_The Harrow's_
mission is, especially, to help new writers break into the field
(http://www.theharrow.com/journal/policies.php#focus), and it's been
my pleasure to be the first to publish many new writers' works. Would
you please post this call for stories?" So... CALL FOR STORIES &
POEMS: REPTILES (Deadline: September 2005 or when issue is full.) _The
Harrow_ seeks fantasy or horror stories or poems featuring reptiles or
reptilian creatures for an upcoming special issue. The Harrow pays $5
for stories, $3 for poems, via PayPal. Submission guidelines can be
found at (http://www.theharrow.com/journal/submissions.php).
Background on _The Harrow_'s "Announcements" page, 6/3/05.
JULY WRITING CHALLENGE
From Jodi, Challenge Dictator, Unicorn Warlord, and general menace:
... wait, it's June 18th and yours truly, the Editor, is finishing the
newsletter a couple days early before heading off to Clarion. With the
result that we don't have a July writing challenge yet!
So this month's challenge is to find the challenge -- and accept it.
For more details on the challenges, check the Challenge home page at:
(http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/Challenge.html).
MEMBERSHIP PAYMENT INFORMATION
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Bonus payments: The workshop costs only 94 cents per week, but we know
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For more information:
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Bonus payments and information about our company:
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| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors. Submissions in four categories -- SF, F,
horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be
educational for others as well as the author.
Reviews are written by our Resident Editors, award-winning authors and
instructors Jeanne Cavelos, Karin Lowachee, and Kelly Link, and by
experienced science-fiction and fantasy editor Jenni Smith-Gaynor. The
last four months of Editors' Choices and their editorial reviews are
archived on the workshop. Go to the "Read, Rate, Review" page and
click on "Editors' Choices."
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors!
Editor's Choice, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
KISS OF DEATH, CHAPTER 4 by Rochelle Uhlenkott
Rochelle Uhlenkott's fourth chapter of KISS OF DEATH is eloquently written
despite some awkward sentences. I was immediately drawn into Dean's
character as a Gatherer and believe he cares in some way for his charges.
Unlike other Grim Reapers, this guide to the other side is not Death. He is
only a guide to whatever afterlife exists for each individual soul. The
death of his own family, while unexplained here, gives Dean's melancholy
that much more reasonance.
I really liked the dialog between Dean and Malice. It's very brief and
yet packed full of information without spiraling down into too much
maudlin sentimentality: "I just hope I don't come back as a bug." She
smiled, revealing the gap where her two front teeth had once been. "I
don't like bugs." This last statement by the girl who dies is
fantastic -- she's a juvenille and an innocent, and this sentence
makes her feel very real, which adds more weight to the transition
that leads the reader to find out the little bit about Dean's family.
What's missing here is information about the world and the larger plot. Who
is Justin and why is he the one to wake Dean? What does it mean that Dean's
wife was a healer? Much like Chapter Five, which is also an atmospheric
scene, this chapter does not drive forward the plot. In many ways, it feels
like the framework for a short story rather than a chapter in a novel, but
it does make me wonder why I need to know about Dean's job. The missing
external conflict brings this poetic chapter to a stop, and I'd really like
to see more obvious ties to the overall arc. Even with a non-traditional
frame, there should be something within each scene that drives the plot
towards the inevitable conclusion. Keep this in mind when going into the
next draft.
Line-level suggestions: Keep an eye on the heavy-handed use of commas.
Vary the sentence structure more and perhaps use a more
straight-forward approach when describing emotions. The opening
paragraph is very awkward and a good copyeditor would definitely make
recommended changes. It has a very dramatic cadence, but reading it
aloud might help really hear how it slows everything down. This is not
a good way to hook a reader into the chapter!
Progressing slowly, KISS OF DEATH has some very interesting characters. I
read Chapter Five (also posted in May) and understand Uhlenkott is still
figuring out the sequence of events. Nevertheless, I think this novel has
potential and once the rough edges are smoothed, it will be an intriguing
read.
--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books
Editor's Choice, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:
CELEBRITY MORGUE, CHAPTER 1 by Gene Spears
This chapter immediately grabbed me because of the dynamic voice.
Though the science fictional elements aren't very apparent, I assume
they become more so as the novel progresses, and there are enough
embedded concepts in these first few pages to indicate that ideas will
be expanded upon in later chapters (the DNA use, the mathematical
theories, etc). If these ideas aren't used in the rest of the book,
then I would take a second look at what is mentioned in this first
chapter. But planting initial hints of what the novel will expand on
is a good strategy to lead the reader on and set up proper
expectations as to plot.
The voice and characterizations were strong, though setting or world
description was somewhat lacking. Because voice is an important
element in not only snagging readers but sustaining their attention
throughout a novel, this chapter is a great example of how to do it
right. Take this passage:
"On Christmas Day, Richard Shales trimmed the azaleas. It was a
ritual. While others were mangling boxes, he was molding them from
stem, shoot, and leaf. In a few months, the rows along the porch would
erupt in a scarlet outburst more brazen than the tackiest holiday
light display, while the rows along the walk would blizzard it with
white petals. He'd just about trimmed the last of them when the lawyer
arrived."
This short opening paragraph, with its varied sentence lengths and
original descriptions, introduces the protagonist, the season, the
fact they are in a climate that doesn't have snow, and the initial
problem: a lawyer. Immediately the reader, like the protagonist, wants
to know what the lawyer is doing there. His first impression of the
limousine as a hearse gives enough of a foreboding about the
consequent events, as well as provides a hint of the subtle humor to
follow in the narrative. These are all ways a writer can lead readers
to expect certain things (a familiarity in tone) while still keeping
them on an edge of "what happens next?"
Many descriptions in the rest of the chapter are colorful and
refreshing, for example: "A second lawyer -- Richard guessed he was a
lawyer from the charcoal gray business suit and the fact that they
travel in groups -- was hauling luggage from the limo's trunk."
But make sure the descriptions fit. The narrative moves breezily,
though sometimes too breezily, as here: "The boy stood behind the car,
watching them. He was drawn flat, pale and thin, like someone had
propped a piece of drywall on the hood.". "Boy" makes me think of
pre-adolescent, where "teenager" perhaps would give a more accurate
description. Or here -- "His t-shirt was cut low at the neck, exposing
the cranium and sockets of a tattooed skull." This could give the
less-than-close reader the impression Shad was bald, when in fact
later it's mentioned he has straight black hair. These are small
usages of misleading language that would just take a bit of work to
clarify.
When characters are first introduced, it's important to be as clear as
possible, as it's the reader's first glimpse and what they will fix in
their minds, a kind of "first impression." Smaller details can always
be filled in later, like the closer description of what the tattoo
looks like.
This dialogue between father and son flows really nicely:
"What's your name, son?"
"Shad. And don't call me son, because I'm not-"
"Shad? Holly named you Shad? Isn't that a type of fish?"
"Yeah." The blush brought color to cheeks that desperately needed
it. "It's like a mackerel, or something. I think Mom had another
name in mind."
"There are dolphins and chimpanzees that spell better than your
mother." Richard almost missed the boy's brief smile. "Still, Shad
Martin's a nice enough name."
"I'm not Shad Martin. I'm just Shad." His shoulders slumped. "She
didn't put a last name on the birth certificate. I think she was
trying not to limit her options."
"Options?"
His shoulders slumped lower, and the boy looked much younger than
his sixteen years. "Didn't you know? Mom slept on every casting
couch in California!" He gave the front porch another critical
scowl. "It's too bad your sperm hit the jackpot."
Shad is a typical teenager and those are difficult to get right
without becoming cliched. He's enough of a smartass to be believable,
but because Richard handles it well for the most part, their
back-and-forth is more entertaining than annoying. Shad also shows
some cracks of being decent, enough that we expect there will be some
growth or understanding between the two of them over the course of the
novel. None of this was spelled out in overdone interiors, but the
impression is there simply through their exchanges. This is subtle and
clear.
While I don't think it's necessary to go into long paragraphs of
description when the objects are mundane (a couch, a kitchen, a
computer), since this is a speculative fiction novel, there are ways
to make the mundane even a little off-kilter in ways that could
enhance tone and mood. Much of the characters' moving about in the
settings is cursory and readers can't get an image in mind of exactly
where the characters are. Take some time to use the surroundings as a
way to shore up the tone and characterizations, while providing the
reader with details to form a mental image to flesh out the world.
Since their relationship has been dumped in Richard's lap, perhaps the
writer can add to his feeling of being a little overwhelmed by his
noticing how Shad fits or doesn't fit into the comfort and familiarity
of the house. To do this, one would have to _see_ the reaction, and
feel it through Richard.
When the dynamic between characters is this strong, and the voice of
the narrative is brisk and original, underscore the tension or
especially the spec-fic elements by using the setting as a silent
"third character." When seen through the protagonist's eyes, these
longer descriptions don't need to be speed bumps to the "action," but
rather can be roadsigns that point and guide readers through
the narrative so they don't get lost.
A quick final note: I wasn't too enthusiastic about the title. (Titles
are usually the last thing you think of, however.) It's too much like
an Entertainment Tonight headline, yet doesn't manage to grab the eye
or indicate anything speculative. Just something to consider as the
book moves further along.
--Karin Lowachee
Author of BURNDIVE and CAGEBIRD (April 2005)
http://www.karinlowachee.com
Editor's Choice, Short Story:
"Take Everything" by Helen Mazarakis
There is a great deal of lovely writing in "Take Everything," and the
scope of the story is admirably large: we get pieces of religion,
social dynamics, the war which is apparently being fought by both
soldiers and magicians. The further we read, the more we find out
about the world that the characters live in.
But the character arc doesn't build in the same way. The necessary
balance is off and the ending feels rushed and confusing. One thing:
I'm not sure about the title. It doesn't have the same feel as the
story, and I'm not sure what it's supposed to mean, considering that
the main character is trying as hard as she can to retrieve something
which she feels another character has stolen.
"Take Everything" is told in extremely tight third-person. We see
everything through the eyes of Violet, an extremely simple country
girl who has, as is the social and religious custom, slept with a
traveler (a magician) for one night. When she wakes, the traveler has
gone and she feels that he has taken something from her -- that he's
stolen something that belongs to her. The twist is that she doesn't
know what he's taken. She only knows that it's missing. So Violet sets
off to find him and take back what is missing. The rest of the story
is a gentler version of a Candide story, a picaresque where Violet
follows the traveler and is alternately menaced or taken care of by
strangers. There is apparently a war going on, but we never know who
exactly (we know their names, but not much else) is fighting the war,
or why. We are told at the end that Violet has saved "the queendom,"
and apparently this is a good thing. But Violet herself seems to have
no opinions of the queen, the war, or even of magic, which, as it
turns out, she has a wild talent for. At the end, as far as I can
tell, Violet discovers that her traveling magician hasn't stolen
anything; instead he has woken her latent ability to "dream," which
seems to be a valuable form of communication with other magicians. Not
only that, but the magician loves Violet and Violet loves the
magician.
I would suggest a couple of things. The first is to make Violet a
slightly more complicated person. You _could_ do this by combining her
with her sister, Thia. Make Thia's son (and why doesn't he have a
name, by the way?) Violet's son instead. That way, when she leaves her
family to follow the magician, the reader will feel that the stakes
are higher. The heart of this story, I think, has something to do with
Thia. So either tell us more about Thia, tell us what Thia was like,
and what their relationship was like -- or combine the two sisters.
I'd also think about making Violet a bit smarter. I don't mean
book-smart, necessarily, I just mean that at the moment she comes
across as a kind of holy fool, and that the way that the story ends is
not the kind of ending that works when your main character is a holy
fool. At the moment, Violet's journey feels a bit like the Children's
Crusade. Violet's vague but compelling feeling that something has been
stolen from her is another problem. I don't ever feel the urgency that
I'm told over and over again that she feels. And I'm never certain
about how I'm supposed to read Violet. Is she addled by the magician's
theft? Merely naive? As the story goes on, I'm unsure whether she's
uninformed about the war her country is involved in, or just not
particularly concerned about it. Did she know that her magician was
involved in the war?
This is the difficulty of telling the story in extremely tight
third-person. The author isn't always sure what's appropriate to
reveal, especially in early drafts, and so either tells too much or
too little. But we can at least know what Violet knows (or doesn't
know) about her country and the war it's engaged in. And more
importantly and problematically, because the reader meets the main
character, Violet, when the change has already occurred, we don't know
how to judge the altered version of Violet against the original
Violet. When the way that a character looks at the world is very
simple, it's hard to tell a story as complicated as this one seems to
be. Alternatively, you could introduce another character (Thia's son,
for example) who follows Violet when she goes in search of the
magician. You could tell the story from his point of view; even if you
kept the story in Violet's POV, you would give her a character to
react against -- someone who has known her for a long time. Then the
reader would have a better idea of Violet again, even if at
second-hand, and once again, the stakes would be higher. And also: it
would be much more interesting if the magician _did_ steal something
of tangible value as well as something that Violet can't quite
identify. That way, we have something concrete to hang some weight on.
What if he stole Thia's portrait? What if he took a tail of Violet's
hair?
Of course, you could always try telling Violet's story in a different
way. Third person with a bit more distance would be easier. You could
also try alternating the current POV w/ something a bit more dreamlike
or distant. Give us Violet's dreams, but give us more fleshed-out
scenes from her night with the magician, where we are slightly farther
away from her POV. Give us bits of her life with Thia and her family.
In this draft, by the way, the tenses aren't quite working. We also
need to know: as she travels, does she grow more homesick? Or does her
former life begin to seem more and more distant?
I would make the circumstances of Violet's journey a little more
arduous. At the moment, she has to kiss an unappealing innkeeper, a
group of fellow-travelers almost throw her off a boat because they
think she is bad luck, she has to pay a bribe, and some children steal
Thia's portrait. None of these are serious enough, or have enough
impact. Take a page from Candide--again, raise the stakes. When people
are kind to her, as when the man gives her a ride for four days, you
need to have more going on than just the ride in the wagon. Have the
man tell her a story from his own life. Something that has weight. I'm
not clear on why the innkeeper doesn't ask Violet to sleep with him
(and why she wouldn't sleep with him, since that's part of her social
code), just as I'm not clear on why Violet never asks for the magician
by name, except when she goes through customs. When Violet has to give
up her Martyr's Circle, she herself doesn't seem to care too much.
Tell us how her parents bought it for her. Tell us why it's meaningful
that she gives it up: there has to be a personal cost as well as the
fact that everyone else is scandalized. Consider having the travelers
really throw her off the boat, or have the boat sink. Keep upping the
stakes!
In this draft, the one aspect that feels really fleshed out is
Violet's religion. What you need to do now is go through and do the
same thing for the way that magic (and dreams) work, and for the
political situation. It seems as if there are different kinds of
magic, and that Violet's talent will be extremely valuable, but at the
moment, it feels muddled. The climactic scene, in which Violet fights
off the enemy magician, doesn't really feel all that climactic. She
doesn't really triumph, and she isn't particularly active in defeating
him. Again, when her magician finds her, I don't feel any strong
connection between them. I'm not clear on why he says he was afraid of
their shared power. I'm not clear why he loves her, or why she loves
him. The love story and the picaresque story and the story of a young
woman coming into her full power and the story of a country at war
aren't meshing, and possibly they can't all be fit together into a
story at this length.
Nevertheless, there is a strength and a thoughtfulness to the writing,
the dialogue is well-handled, and what we get to see of this world and
its customs is genuinely engaging. There's a lovely, dreamy quality to
this story that's reminiscent of Patricia McKillip's work. And the few
details of Violet's night with the magician -- the illusions that he
conjures up -- as well as the fact that he can't give her what she
really wants (a glimpse of her dead sister Thia) is really delightful
and also moving. Tell us more about Thia. Show us what Violet has
really lost. Make the connection between that loss, and between the
imagined loss of the thing Violet's magician has "stolen," and the
story will have its necessary weight.
--Kelly Link
Editor of TRAMPOLINE and co-editor of YEAR'S BEST FANTASY & HORROR
http://www.kellylink.net/
Editor's Choice, Horror:
REVELATION, CHAPTER 1 by Holly McDowell
The first thing that must be said is that Holly has shown a solid hand
at a very tricky balancing act -- that of having two first-person
narrators share the story; but while Mali and Kette are two distinct
characters (as illustrated time and again by the manner in which one
is viewed by the other) there is still a bit too much similarity in
their voices. While I (and the readers) will come to understand the
reason behind this as the story further unfolds -- after all, when two
people spend a great deal of time together, often as the only company
the other has, it stands to reason that the two will eventually begin
taking on certain aspects of the other's speech patterns -- it's both
off-putting and sometimes outright confusing in this first chapter.
Jumping ahead for just a moment: the January and May 2000 entries
from Kette's journal show a young child whose grasp of the English
language -- both in her phrasing and spelling -- is still evolving,
and it makes these entries easily discernible from Mali's voice. But
appearing as these do, after Kette's 2004 entry, the contrast is too
jarring, and may cause readers to go back and re-read what has come
before to make certain they are with the correct narrator.
Might I suggest, since Mali's narration tends toward the clipped form
of sentences/speech, that you consider making Kette's entries a bit
more complex? This way, even with the jarring effect of the earlier
entries (which appear after the more recent ones) readers will know
the difference in the voices because of the phrasing? It might also
serve your opening chapter better if you would consider moving Kette's
later journal entries to later in the chapter, thus allowing the
reader to more fully experience Kette's evolution. And since the
earlier entries from 2000 strongly suggest that she and Mali are on
the run, this would, I think, in no way upset the structure of your
narrative.
That is easily the biggest problem with this chapter, and one that, I
think, can be easily and permanently corrected with one more careful
pass.
Now on to some of the smaller problems.
The opening paragraph: with the exception of the final line, "Sure, I
wanted excitement, but I never wanted anyone to die," the entire
paragraph is superfluous; all of the information told to us in the
opening lines is later illustrated by the events. While I understand
that your intention was to ease the reader into things, what was
intended as a deliberate introduction comes off more as rambling.
It's not needed. I feel that your intent would be best served by
opening this chapter with the "excitement" line, then moving directly
into "It started..." with the next paragraph. The events described by
Mali if this opening section occur so rapidly that any hesitancy in
the opening moments is going to come across as the writer trying to
force a little "mood." And you don't need it; the chapter -- while
seeming a bit rushed in the opening with Mali -- creates an intriguing
spell made all the stronger by your choosing to present the events as
more of a mosaic than a traditional linear narrative.
I would also suggest you consider making Gild just a tad more human
than he is presented as being in his first appearance. While he
serves the purpose of Purveyor of Doom quite nicely -- he seems
threatening enough -- that's all he is, and comes off as more of a
literary construct than an actual character.
I would also suggest taking a few moments in the opening with Mali to
show her being, well, a teenaged girl. So much happens so quickly
that we're not given much of a glimpse at her inner core, and I think
the story would be served better if you gave us just a moment of Mali
being a teenager. In all honesty, after reading this a third time, it
seems to me that you were in such a hurry to get to the backyard scene
that you barreled full-steam ahead. Slow down for a few moments. The
scene wherein Mali discovers her family is quite shocking and
effective, and you were in such a hurry to get there I was surprised
that you left that scene so quickly. Might it serve your narrative
better if Mali could perhaps take a moment or two to relive a few more
memories of those whose bodies she discovers?
The last problem -- again, an easy fix -- is that (with the exception
of the backyard scene) both Mali's "horrors" and Kette's "miracles"
are presented after the fact, offstage. While it is by no means
necessary for them to be described in graphic terms, it would better
serve your story if at least one instance of each could be shown to
the reader as it is happening, not simply referred to after it's done.
As it stands, you have a strong and very intriguing opening chapter
here, one that can be made even stronger if you will A) make the
differences in Mali's and Kette's narrative voices a bit stronger and
more obvious; B) not rush the opening sequences with Mali; C) make
Gild more of an actual character and less of a narrative device; and,
D) illustrate rather than relay Mali's curse and Kette's miracles.
I look forward to seeing the next draft of this chapter.
--Gary A. Braunbeck
Author of IN SILENT GRAVES and KEEPERS (SEPT. 2005)
http://www.garybraunbeck.com
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews. After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!
If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, use our online honor-roll nomination form
-- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor
Roll page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
Your nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar
month.
The Honor Roll will show all June nominations beginning July 1.
Meanwhile, here are two advance highlights from this month:
Reviewer: Joseph Berry
Submission: Upturned Faces by Robert Haynes
Submitted by: Robert Haynes
Nominator's Comments: Joe put his finger on the problem with the
imagery, and asked some pointed questions. Now I have an idea how to
fix this thing. All of the reviews have been helpful, but this one
produced an epiphany in me. Thanks!
Reviewer: Carol Scarr
Submission: "Sole Sacrifice" by Karen Mayer
Submitted by: Karen Mayer
Nominator's Comments: I've received reviews from Carol in the past and
have always found them to be extremely helpful. She has an eye not
only for grammar and spelling, but for logic, and an ear for rhythm.
She has no problems giving praise where it's merited and dissecting
sentences and paragraphs to point out the flaws -- and she always
offers suggestions for improvement!
Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during May include: Anthony
Addis (2), Treize Armestidian, D. Melissa Bowden, Spencer Brightland,
Aaron Brown, B.K. Dunn, William Greeley, Jeanne Haskin, Mark Kolba,
Leonid Korogodski, R. David Lee, B. Liang, Seth McNally, Ryan Myers,
Sandra Panicucci, Lawrence Payne, Larry Pinaire, Jay Sauls, Jone
Sterling, PJ Thompson (2), Ian Tregillis (2), Sandra Ulbrich, Jeremy
Yoder, Maria Zannini.
We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in May can be still found until July 1 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.
Sales and Publications:
Elizabeth Bear, who, you may recall, reported the sale of TWO novels
last month, started off her latest e-mail to us this way: "So, you
probably aren't going to believe this..." It turns out that she's
sold TWO MORE novels to Spectra, one titled CARNIVAL and an unnamed
second novel. After woo-hooing, she added "now I have two books to
write before mid-November. Um. See you guys at Christmas." Keep us in
mind if those books need crits, Bear! ;-)
Hannah Wolf Bowen's "Vision" appears in _Say... have you heard this
one?_
Mark Fewell has two stories up at _Astounding Tales_, "'A wish,' said
the goddess."
(http://www.astoundingtales.com/vol2_iss1/flash/awish.php)
and "After The Rain"
(http://www.astoundingtales.com/vol2_iss1/flash/aftertherain.php).
Charles Coleman Finlay has seen his novel THE PRODIGAL TROLL in
stores, which is very cool.
Vylar Kaftan's story "She Called Me Baby" appeared recently in
_Strange Horizons_
(http://www.strangehorizons.com/2005/20050530/baby-f.shtml).
Wendy Koenig placed 2nd Honorable Mention (5th place) in the Fiction
category of the 2005 Florida Freelance Writers Association Contest,
with the second chapter of her current novel-in-progress, UNDER TWIN
SUNS. Congratulations, Wendy!
Sandra McDonald's "Constituent Work" appears in _Say... have you heard
this one?_
Catherine M. Morrison, aka Chance, appears in _Say... have you heard
this one?_ with "The Last Bee Tree in Lynchburg County."
Andre Oosterman's story "Spotting Starwhales" will appear in
_Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine_. Andre says "This would not
have happened without the help of a small army of OWW reviewers:
Joshua Canete, Claudia Casser, Linda Dicmanis, William Freedman, Robin
Holmes, Bill Kohler, Jeff Kuczynski-Brown, Brit Marshalk, Thomas Mays,
Amos Peverill, Philip Spencer, and Zvi Zaks. Thanks a lot, everybody!"
Andre's story "The Island of Dmitri Ivanovich Mendeleyev," reported in
an earlier newsletter, appeared in the June 14th issue of _SFFH_
(http://www.sciencefictionfantasyhorror.com).
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 5/20: 593 paying, 47 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 508
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 79.9%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 2.0%
Average reviews per submission (all submissions): 5.06
Estimated average review word count (all submissions): 674.29
Number of submissions in May: 407
Number of reviews in May: 1692
Ratio of reviews/submissions in May: 4.16
Estimated average word count per review in May: 730.36
Number of submissions in June to date: 231
Number of reviews in June to date: 980
Ratio of reviews/submissions in June to date: 4.24
Estimated average word count per review in June to date: 673.57
Total number of under-reviewed submissions: 31 (6.1% of total subs)
Number over 3 days old with 0 reviews: 1
Number over 1 week old with under 2 reviews: 16
Number over 2 weeks old with under 3 reviews: 14
| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission? Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next
newsletter. Just send it to support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and
we'll do the rest.
Until next month -- just write!
The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
| - - Copyright 2005 Online Writing Workshops - - - - - - - - - - - |
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