O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, December 2005
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop News:
Subgenres and audience indication
OWW Writer Space (wiki)
OWW now open to children's fiction
January writing challenge
Market news
Other workshops
Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for November submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Tips & Feedback
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
2005 ends as strong as it began: this month's "Sales and Publications"
includes sales by twenty-one members, including two first sales (go
Rhonda and Rae!) and several multiple sales. Congratulations to
everyone!
HOWW! HOWW! HOWW!*
Well, it's that time of year, and we're celebrating the holidays by
adding new features for OWW members. First, we've added subgenres and
audience indications to help you find submissions to your taste, and
readers for your submissions. Second, we're launching a new way to
communicate, discuss, share information, and have fun with workshop
members--a wiki. Third, you can now submit children's SF or fantasy
to the workshop. Details below.
*Ellen would like everyone to know that Charlie is solely responsible
for this little bit of seasonal humor.
SUBGENRES AND AUDIENCE INDICATION
In the Submission Selector on the Read, Rate, Review page, you will
now see a breakdown of the basic genre categories once you click on
one or more of them. You can choose to search for "all" flavors in a
genre, or just a few, or remove one or two if you know they are not to
your taste. If you want to read all the SF submissions except
alternate history, and no fantasy but comic fantasy, you can now get
exactly what you want from the Submission Selector. And you can save
those complex searches in your lists!
When you're making a submission, you can select a subgenre for your
work as well as a genre. However, subgenres are not required, so if
you feel as if you're being pigeonholed, well--your pigeon does not
need to pick a hole.
Also, submissions can now be marked as for adults, young adults,
children, or adults only (you choose on the Submit page). In the
Submission Selector, you can search for or exclude any of the
audiences. The default setting for the search is all audiences.
How These Changes Affect Current Submissions
All current submissions will default to "adult" audience and no
subgenre. Just edit your submissions to change the audience if
necessary and add a subgenre that will better identify your work to
willing reviewers.
OWW WRITER SPACE (WIKI)
We've been watching how OWW members collaborate through the years, for
both work and play, and have admired joint projects like the Serendip,
the marathons and challenges, the technical and market discussions on
the OWW mailing list, and our OWW focus groups. We want to give you a
way to do more of both the work and the play, and keep the great
information that results accessible and alive for future workshoppers
or those who just didn't have time to participate. So we're trying
out the idea of a wiki.
A wiki is a collaborative Web space that is created and elaborated
upon by all its members. All current OWW members are members of the
OWW Writer Space and have the ability to add information to pages,
create new pages, edit what's there, and work and play together in a
medium that doesn't disappear into hard-to-access archives (like an
e-mail discussion group) or require control by an administrator (like
our current FAQ pages). There are lots more features to the wiki,
which you'll discover as you poke around. We've created four basic
areas so far:
--a creative writing "rec room"
--a writing and marketing skills bank
--critique group area with pages for all critique groups
--workshop happenings
Our OWW Writer Space also includes discussion forums that are fully
Web-based, with no advertising. We'll still be maintaining the Yahoo!
Groups mailing list as well.
To check out the Writer Space and participate if you like, go to
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/tiki/ (Yes, we know we said wiki,
but the URL is indeed with a T, tiki)
Log in with your OWW member ID and password. If you change your
password on the workshop, it will also change here. You are welcome
in the OWW Writer Space as long as you are a member of OWW.
Let us know what you think, contribute to what's there, and together
we will make the Writer Space what you need and want it to be (within
our abilities!). We're sure more guidelines will evolve later, but
for now, we're all experimenting. Enjoy!
OWW NOW OPEN TO CHILDREN'S SPECULATIVE FICTION
With the ability to sort by audience, OWW can now accept speculative
fiction for children as well as adult (and young adult). If you write
SF or fantasy for children that does not depend on illustrations, you
can submit it to OWW for critiques.
JANUARY WRITING CHALLENGE
Jodi, OWW Challenge Dictator, Unicorn Warlord, and general menace
informs us:
This month's challenge is Jaime Voss's fault. (I have taken to blaming
others, yes. You could be next! *growly face*) The story must include
the concept of "A chicken walks into a bar..." and DOUBLE points if
you use the line somewhere.
Remember: These are supposed to be fun, but don't forget to stretch
yourself. If you normally write fantasy, try SF. If you've never tried
space opera, here's your chance. It doesn't have to be great. It's all
about trying new things. There's no word limit, no time limit, no
nothin'. Just have fun. :)
Please don't post your challenge pieces to the workshop until January
first. Include "January Challenge" in your title so you can show off
how fancy you are to all your friends.
For more details on the challenges, check the OWW Writer Space at
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/tiki/tiki-index.php?page=Challenges
or the Challenge home page at: http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/Challenge.html
MARKET NEWS
_Cabinet des Fees_ (http://www.cabinet-des-fees.com), a journal of
fairy tale fiction, is pleased to announce that with its second issue,
it will be going to print under the imprimatur of Prime Books. They
are also proud to share the news that Charles Vess will be providing
cover and interior art for the paper editions. They will now be paying
$5.00 per story upon publication and are currently seeking submissions
for the first print issue. They will continue with their quarterly
publication schedule and the reading periods remain unchanged. Please
see the updated submission guidelines on the Web site, including our
Call for Papers. The current reading period ends December 31, 2005.
OTHER WORKSHOPS
The 2006 Odyssey Writing Workshop will be held from June 12 to July 21
at Saint Anselm College in Manchester, New Hampshire. Odyssey is a
great opportunity to improve writing and meet editors and authors.
More information can be found on the workshop Web site
www.sff.net/odyssey. Odyssey director, and OWW Resident Editor,
Jeanne Cavelos, is always happy to answer questions and discuss the
workshop. She can be reached by email at jcavelos@sff.net.
OWW Admin Charles Coleman Finlay will be teaching at the Clarion Young
Authors' Conference, a one-day workshop for middle-school to
college-age writers on January 21, 2006, at Michigan State University.
For more information, visit the conference Web site:
http://www.msu.edu/~clarappl/
The 2006 Backspace Writers Conference (July 21 & 22, New York City,
Algonquin Hotel) brings together 14 top literary agents, 9 editors, 5
New York Times best-selling authors, and many other publishing
professionals for a two-day, two-track event. Keynote speakers are
Sara Nelson, Editor-in-Chief of Publishers Weekly, and Richard Curtis,
top literary agent and long-time author advocate. (He has also
represented a lot of SF/F authors.) Others on the program include
authors Lee Child, Kay Hooper, Barry Eisler, Gayle Lynds, and Ron
McLarty (whose first novel, MEMORY OF RUNNING, sold for over $2
million dollars); agents Dan Lazar, Miriam Goderich, Jenny Bent, Jeff
Kleinman, Rolph Blythe, Kristin Nelson, and many more; C. Michael
Curtis, senior editor of The Atlantic Monthly, Charis Conn, fiction
editor at Harper's Magazine, as well as editors from Random House,
Crown, Warner, and Penguin/Putnam. Panels, workshops, and pitch
sessions round out the program. Hour-long mixers each afternoon
(refreshments included) afford plenty of time to mix and mingle with
program participants, as does the awards banquet at The Algonquin
Hotel Friday night. For more information, visit the conference Web
site at http://www.backspacewritersconference.com. More info: Karen
Dionne at karendionne@bksp.org or Christopher Graham at
chrisg@localisp.com.
MEMBERSHIP PAYMENT INFORMATION
How to pay: In the U.S., you can pay by PayPal or send us a check or
money order. Outside of the U.S., you can pay via PayPal (though
international memberships incur a small set-up fee); pay via Kagi
(www.kagi.com--easier for non-U.S. people); send us a check in U.S.
dollars drawn on a U.S. bank (many banks can do this for you for a
fee); or send us an international money order (available at some banks
and some post offices). If none of those options work for you, you
can send us U.S. dollars through the mail if you choose, or contact us
about barter if you have interesting goods to barter (not services).
Scholarship fund and gift memberships: you can give a gift membership
for another member; just send us a payment by whatever method you
like, noting who the membership is for and specifying whether the gift
is anonymous or not. We will acknowledge receipt to you and the
member. Or you can donate to our scholarship fund, which we use to
fully or partially cover the costs of an initial paying membership for
certain active, review-contributing members whose situations do not
allow them to pay the full membership fee themselves.
Bonus payments: The workshop costs only 94 cents per week, but we know
that many members feel that it's worth much more to them. So here's
your chance to award us with a bonus on top of your membership fee.
For example, is the workshop worth five dollars a month to you? Award
us a $11 bonus along with your $49 membership fee. 25% of any bonus
payments we receive will go to our support staff, sort of like a tip
for good personal service. The rest will be tucked away to lengthen
the shoestring that is our budget and keep us running!
For more information:
Payments: http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships.shtml
Bonus payments and information about our company:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/bonuspayments.shtml
Price comparisons:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships_comparison.shtml
| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors. Submissions in four categories -- SF, F,
horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be
educational for others as well as the author.
Reviews are written by our Resident Editors, award-winning authors and
instructors Jeanne Cavelos, Karin Lowachee, and Kelly Link, and by
experienced science-fiction and fantasy editor Jenni Smith-Gaynor. The
last four months of Editors' Choices and their editorial reviews are
archived on the workshop. Go to the "Read, Rate, Review" page and
click on "Editors' Choices."
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors!
Editor's Choice, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
UNTITLED WORK, CHAPTER 13 by James Cacciavillani
Entering into a novel part-way can be challenging to a reader. Things
that ought to be clear might not be so clear out of context; plot
points set into motion early might be on the way to resolution by the
thirteenth chapter. Cacciavillani does a fairly good job with certain
plot details that allowed this reader to get a gist of the overarching
plot without getting lost in the action of this chapter.
Olena is the High Mystic, an elderly mage guiding the Alceniun Tenu
towards her destiny. Elisa, the Alecniun Tenu, travels with three
companions on a journey towards a city where she will eventually make
a fate-sealing decision about her life. Previous chapters were
action-packed, with the group facing perils the High Mystic found
unnecessary. A mage called the Necromancer is searching for Elisa, who
possesses the Lore of Night. The Lore of Night is the secret power of
the Dark One and with it, the Necromancer can become immortal and
reshape the world.
I liked the details telling us about the characters -- the old woman's
frailty as she leans on her staff, the bard's distrust of Olena,
Hrobar's boldness and his foster-brother's sarcasm. I didn't get as
good an impression of Elisa or the Hunweihr that attacked them, and I
would have liked some more physical details about the Hunweihr since
the chapter opens with Olena helping Elisa's group. I'm guessing these
creatures have been seen before, but it's always a good idea to use
some other details to help ground the scene. The Hunweihr have most
likely been described in previous chapters, but I'd still like some
visceral impression from Olena's POV, since this chapter seems to
focus on her.
What's missing from this chapter is a real sense of danger. The
Hunweihr were easily defeated and I never got the sense that they were
any real threat to Elisa despite Olena's scoldings. I wanted to feel
that danger, especially since we're told that Elisa must be kept safe.
Olena makes it clear they must reach the city of Ilnadur, must move
away from the road, must make sacrifices. She discusses the details of
the journey with Hrobar as she patches him up from the fight and nods
"coolly, as if they spoke of trivialities, not of life or death." And
she says, "The fates of many are in the balance with what becomes of
this tiny group", but overall, I don't get that feeling at all.
The lack of visceral tension in this chapter deflates the urgency I
think is needed here. The fight scene could be expanded and slowed
down; we could get a real solid look at the dangers Hrobar and Aryk
face, can see what Griff, the bard, is doing and why Olena suspects
him to be more than he seems. And what is Elisa doing during the fight
with the Hunweihr? Olena scolds the group for being reckless and
taking unnecessary risks, but they don't react as if her words have
weight, so I'm not convinced I should believe her either. I'm not
seeing the Hunweihr attack plot-domino striking the next plot-domino.
What does Olena's appearance affect? What does the defeat of the
attacking creatures affect? They made it past yet another peril, but
what does it gain them? What do they lose, if anything at all?
Good details work to ground the reader in the plot and characters.
Cacciavillani does a fairly good job using those details to help us
see his story. But be aware of how tension flags or the lack of
tension can make a chapter feel empty. Use those point of view details
to really make the action come alive for the reader.
Think about structure, too. Is it necessary to have a scene break just
for the chat between Olena and Elisa? Could that information, that
scene be woven into the conclusion of the Hunweihr scene when they
leave the camp and head into the woods? Try shifting scenes around to
see if the pace increases. Chapters can be used in different ways --
passage of time, breaks in action, change of character point of view,
pauses in the overarching plots. They are structural tools that can be
adjusted to fit the needs of the story, so don't feel locked into one
structure or another.
James Cacciavillani has a promising story well on its way; keep up the
good work.
--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books
Editor's Choice, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:
CLEANING CREW (Ch. 1 and 2)
by David Emanuel
With brisk prose and colorful descriptions, this submission ratcheted
along at the clip of an ambulance. The author does a fine job of
showing and telling just enough to ground the reader without
frustrating them, and propelling the reader along to discover what the
story is about and what the world is like. A post-apocalyptic world
where men are cordoned or even persecuted and exterminated, and the
women seem to live pseudo-normal but somewhat paranoid lives, afraid
of attack. What really drives this story are the myriad of characters
and their voices that seem to fit so flawlessly with the situation.
Beginning with Kylie's no-nonsense, working flair, to Dana's teenaged
mindset, to Strawberry's competent and hardened inner musings.
Everyone was utterly believable, which in turn makes the world and the
situation believable.
The first line works: "Kylie sped through empty streets. Weeks had
passed since she bagged a crawler, and she wasn't about to share
another contract."
The sentences are short and punchy, and immediately raise the
question: What is a crawler? Some kind of vermin, we assume, then
later find out it's a boy.
Second paragraph:
"A pair of new recruits bounced around the van's cabin, talking in
gasps and squeals about their first night bagging. Catching the little
buggers could be a blast once you got the hang of it, but these girls
would have to earn their spot. After the fun was over, Kylie planned
on sitting nice and clean in the front seat while the newbies kept the
bags from hopping."
The situation has a lived-in feel, which is what a writer wants when
beginning "in media res" -- in the middle of the action. You don't
want to spend a lot of time with ponderous details about the world and
the actions, not if you're going for a clipped, modern feel. This
tells just enough -- we know that Kylie is a veteran at "bagging,"
that there is some kind of training system in place for it, and that
whatever it is they are bagging (the crawlers), they are live and can
be fiesty. We also see that everyone is female and that immediately
tweaks the reader with the question: Why?
Telling details help to build a world for the reader, clues dropping
to the mystery of what is going on:
-"Kylie had helped move the bulk of the cars to the storage lots and
could still envision the line up of abandoned vehicles."
-"No matter what the experts wrote in the weekly letters, rain wasn't
safe and she hoped to collect the little bastards before the clouds
broke."
The prose in both chapters are scattered with such descriptions,
without bogging the narrative. This allows readers to collect as they
go. The scene breaks also provide momentum, cutting on action or a
sense of tension, though it might've been an interesting alternative
to see Kylie take down the crawler. This could conceivably wait for a
following scene, however, in order to keep up the pace of the first
chapter. At some point I expect Kylie's work to be expanded upon
though. The hose party was convincing; too often I've read clubs or
raves described in a way that seems out of date, but Dana and her
world came through clearly and realistically. I especially liked the
inventive swear words (essential if you write in teenaged culture)
like godshit, which is later expanded upon in the next scene with
godshit and fratricide. Profanity has to roll off the tongue in order
to be real.
From the somewhat more innocent scene with Dana, the author cuts to
the violent one of Strawberry, which was introduced in a passing
comment by Dana's friend. The gunplay and thought patterns of
Strawberry show him to be a competent man, a little desperate, but
immediately identifiable, even likeable, putting a human face on the
threat first introduced through Kylie. The women seem now to be the
enemy and the men purely set upon for a reason we don't yet know. The
way Strawberry (great name, by the way) handles himself raises
questions on where he got his gunhandling knowledge from; the reader
expects this to be later explained as well, as we get to know him.
Important details about characters should always be picked up on later
if they are not immediately explained.
While I wouldn't want to funk too much with the pace of these
chapters, I still felt that they were a bit too spare. Dropping a
couple more sentences here and there to fill out, flesh out, the
physical world would just add to the images set forth so wonderfully
through dialogue and what description's already there.
Example: The inside of the hardware store was mostly gutted, but a few
rows displayed bins of sheet metal, assorted nuts and screws, or slabs
of rotted lumber. Three men sat against the back wall while another
two napped on a set of empty shelving units.
Don't forget to add more sensory details, scattering them throughout
the narrative just like you do with other forms of description. What
do things smell like, what is the light like, what about tactile
description when characters touch things? Remember, in a tight third
person point of view, what your character notices can also flesh out
details about them. Just keep all of those options in mind throughout
the book, slipping them in where appropriate, but especially in
introductory scene-setting. So far, these chapters show a great sense
of timing with the prose, an assured hand in dialogue and
characterization, and a confidence in the future world setting. These
are all great building blocks for the rest of the novel.
--Karin Lowachee
Author of BURNDIVE and CAGEBIRD
http://www.karinlowachee.com
Editor's Choice, Short Story:
"Sonny Liston Takes the Fall" by Elizabeth Bear
This is an engaging story about boxing, Las Vegas, race, and ritual
magic. This is Tim Powers territory, but Bear's style is distinctive
enough that her story doesn't feel in the least bit borrowed or
rehashed. I like the way in which real historical figures and events
have been pulled together without being sensationalized or cheapened.
Andy Duncan and Howard Waldrop are masters at this, of course. The
version on the workshop feels close to being a final draft -- after
picking it as Editor's Choice, I happened to talk to an anthology
editor who likes it a great deal and is interested in seeing a few
revisions and clarifications. For that reason, I wouldn't feel
particularly comfortable suggesting any major changes, even if they
occurred to me. It's never a good idea to get in the way of another
editor. With that caveat, I do have a few questions or suggestions
about where sentences might be tightened, or where repetitions aren't
working particularly well.
The story is told in numbered sections, and although this is a fairly
tidy way of organizing the narrative, it also feels as if the number
of sections should be significant in some larger way. There are
thirteen sections -- how many rounds do boxers go in the ring? By
adding or taking out sections, could you make that connection
stronger?
There are four sections at the moment where the story really comes to
life: the second section, in which the narrator catalogues the horses
who went down (or had to be put down) after races; the eighth section,
where the narrator says that he is Las Vegas; the two final and
climactic sections. Because the story initially focuses almost equally
on Sonny Liston and on horse races, you might try to bring horses back
again in the final third of the story. You might also try moving that
eighth section a bit later, so that the emotional rhythm of the story
continues to build, rather than rising and then falling. When I've
written stories like these, I've cut the sections apart and then sat
with them on the floor, rearranging them like a puzzle. I think that
there is room for another one or two sections, and by cutting the
story up, you may be able to better figure out where they should go
and what they ought to be about. I'd love to see a section in which
Sonny Liston, even obliquely, talks about what he wanted.
Also take a look at individual sections, to see how well they stand on
their own. At the moment, Section 10, which tells us about the
discovery of Sonny Liston's body, isn't strong enough. It doesn't have
enough weight. I don't understand how Liston chose to take his fall,
or whether he was helped along, or why an overdose is worse than any
other death. It might be better to focus on his funeral, or on another
fight that went on, on the same night that he was discovered dead, or
the on the same day that he was buried. Tell us more about what his
life was like when he died.
In one way, the magic in the story is pretty clear: Las Vegas requires
sacrifices, and when the sacrifice isn't made, someone else has to pay
the price. What isn't clear is if the Mob is supposed to be a tool of
the magic, or controlling it, or even aware of it. It isn't clear how
the narrator, One-Eyed Jack, is connected to this magic. It isn't
clear whom the magic benefits. It would be great if some of these
things became a bit clearer by the end of the story. And it is more
than a little uncomfortable to know that -- at least in the examples
that the narrator gives us -- the magic depends on the deaths of race
horses and black men. For the most part, in this story the idea of
race is nicely complicated, but I'd love for the author to think more
about how race and endurance and physical prowess and magic are
connected, and why.
On the sentence level, this story has a gorgeous, rhythmic bounce to
it. The repetitions are lovely, and have the weight of real speech.
But look out for sentences like "He had a furrowed brow and downcast
hound dog prisoner eyes that wouldn't meet anybody else's, and the
furrows on either side of his broad, flat nose ran down to a broad,
flat mouth under a pencil thin moustache that was already out of
fashion six years ago, when he was still the King of the World." The
close, fast repetition of "broad, flat" is great, but "furrowed brow"
and "furrows" doesn't work. And "downcast hound dog prisoner eyes" is
too much. Much better to simply say "eyes that wouldn't meet anybody
else's."
In the seond section, it's probably better to say "and I also know
something about magic and sport and sacrifice" instead of "know a
little bit about."
I'm not sure that the images really work in this description of
Liston: "He was a stone golem, a thing out of legend, the fucking
bogeyman." The "stone golem" is nice, but the other two have a tin-ear
ring to them. It might be better to cut that sentence and just say "So
that was Liston. He was going to walk through Clay like the Kool-Aid
pitcher walking through a paper wall."
I'd cut or rework, in the decription of Sonny Liston in section 4:
"his eyes always held this kind of deep sonorous seriousness over his
black, flat, damaged nose." Clunky and hard to visualize, the way that
the image has been constructed.
In 5, I'd cut "A new and powerful image of black manhood" at the end
of the paragraph describing Clay. It just feels too plain, too
heavy-handed, and it wipes out the effect of the really nice
description above it.
I might cut "it's a transformative magic" and just say "That kind of
magic, the old dark magic that soaks down the roots of the world and
keeps it rich. It never goes away."
I'd cut "over feeling the bones I was breaking" so that the end of the
paragraph in 7 reads "I would have taken the needle. Taken it in a
heartbeat."
I'd cut "pasty" and maybe even "white" from the sentence in which Jack
tells us "And I'm Sonny Liston too, wronged and wronging; he's in
here, boiling and bubbling under my skin."
I'd suggest cutting "I'd drunk enough that the roof of my mouth was
getting dry anyway, and the liquor helped a little." We shouldn't be
focused on Jack at this point. We should be focused on Liston.
In 11, I would cut "a publicly despised" because you don't need it up
front. You go on to describe Muhammad Ali being vilified a few
sentences later.
Good luck with this. It's a powerful story: the beginning grabbed me,
and the moment in which the ending suddenly shifts at the very last
moment is both unexpected and lovely.
--Kelly Link
Editor of TRAMPOLINE and co-editor of YEAR'S BEST FANTASY & HORROR
http://www.kellylink.net/
Editor's Choice, Horror:
"The Grave Digging" by Mark Early
This story of four men digging a grave has a nice, quiet feeling to
it. Many horror writers feel the need to open a story with bizarre
apparitions or exploding guts. I'm glad to read a story where the
author trusts himself to create an interesting situation without going
to extremes. Vivid description, well-chosen details, and rural
dialect help create a strong sense of this mysterious place and add to
the quiet, foreboding atmosphere. I like Abe, the oldest of the
gravediggers, so I feel bad at the end when he meets his fate.
You do a good job of building suspense and withholding the surprise
until near the end. You raise suspense near the beginning, since we
see the gravediggers have the tools but don't have a body. This keeps
me wondering. At the bottom of p. 3, I guessed, from your hints, that
the inhabitants of the town were immortal. This raised my interest
and made me want to keep reading. At the middle of p. 6, where they
lift Josh out of the grave, I got the feeling that one of the
gravediggers was going to be killed to fill the grave. That's fine,
because you reveal the situation just a few paragraphs later, so I'm
excited that I'm on the right track and interested to see what
happens.
I think the death of Abe is a bit rushed and could use about twice the
space you give it. The main problem I see in the development of
suspense is your misdirection about Wilson. You tell us that it's a
"pity about Wilson," leading us to believe that he is the corpse. Yet
at the end we find out he only has to fill in the grave. That's
hardly a "pity" and doesn't seem sufficient reason for his wife to be
taking it "pretty hard." As the reader thinks back over the story
after finishing, these stand out as clear "cheats" by the author to
misdirect. Misdirecting the reader is a fine technique to use, but
the author has to play fair, and in this case, unless I'm missing
something, this is not playing fair. Either Wilson needs to have
something more dire happen to him to justify these lines, or you need
to revise the lines. Perhaps Wilson has to be one of the gravediggers
next time around.
Another area that could be strengthened is point of view. I realize
you need to stay out of the characters' heads for the most part, since
their thoughts would give away the end of the story. I think an
objective third-person POV (often called "fly on the wall") would be
the best option, in which you would simply describe what's happening
through the five senses and make no judgments. You are currently
using an omniscient third-person POV, in which the all-knowing
narrator periodically interrupts the story to offer various insights
or comments. For example, on p. 4, the narrator says, "Good natured,
but not blessed with good land, Josh often struggled to raise crops
that were far less abundant than his neighbors'." These comments are
jarring, intrusive, and unnecessary. If you had a stronger omniscient
voice, constantly putting in his two cents about everything, then that
might work (but could well give away your secret). So I think an
objective POV would work best.
I have one major problem with the story that may not be fixable, which
is that it reads very much like Shirley Jackson's "The Lottery," a
very famous horror short story. This is a huge compliment for you,
but will probably make it difficult for you to find a publisher. When
I got to the end of your story, it lost impact for me, because all I
could think was, "This is the same plot as 'The Lottery.'" While your
story certainly has different, original elements, the main focus of
the story is the twist at the end, and that's where the similarities
to Jackson's story are greatest. Perhaps if you eliminated the tiles
and came up with some other, non-random method of determining who gets
killed, that could solve this problem.
I hope these comments are helpful. You have a nice way with
description and create some good suspense. Good luck with this story.
--Jeanne Cavelos
Editor of THE MANY FACES OF VAN HELSING
http://www.odysseyworkshop.org/
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews. After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!
If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, use our online honor-roll nomination form
-- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor
Roll page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
Your nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar
month.
The Honor Roll will show all December nominations beginning next year.
Meanwhile, here are two advance highlights from this month:
Reviewer: Barbara Gordon
Submission: Lord of Caracul Chapter 2 by Kevin Emmons
Submitted by: Kevin Emmons
Nominator's Comments: "I am utterly amazed by the depth of Barbara's
hints and insightful suggestions. She covers areas of detail in an
honest, straightforward fashion that leaves me continually thinking,
'Why didn't I think of that?' This type of review is why I joined OWW.
Thanks, Barbara!"
Reviewer: Mike Farrell
Submission: Fairy Mother by Steven G. Harsha
Submitted by: Steven G. Harsha
Nominator's Comments: "The review Mr. Farrell provided me for my story
has been the most insightful information I have ever received. He was
clear, concise and articulate with his critique. I have no doubt his
review, and others like it, will help members of this workshop grow."
Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during November include: Karl
Bunker, Susan Elizabeth Curnow, Clayton Deschamps, Margaret Fisk,
Barbara Gordon (2), Patty Jansen (3), Leo Korogodski, Sean Mead, Keir
Alekseii Roopnarine, Linda Steele (2), sharelle toomey, Maria Zannini.
We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in November can be still found through December 30 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.
OWW Member Sales and Publications:
James Allison (former OWWer) and Charles Coleman Finlay sold "The
Third Brain" to _Subterreanean_. They originally workshopped it back
in 2003. Charlie's hard drive crashed and he lost all his crits, but
he's sure they need to thank a bunch of you. Thanks!
Tom Barlow sold a story to _Hobart Magazine_
(http://hobartpulp.com/fiction/nov05arter.html).
Leah Bobet sold "Towers" to _Strange Horizons_
(http://www.strangehorizons.com). She sends "thanks to Keby Thompson,
Elizabeth Bear, Eric Bresin, Jeff Weitzel, Eric Foulkrod." And just
about a day later, she sold "Lost Wax" to _Realms of Fantasy_. She
says, "Thanks on that one to Kathryn Allen and Amanda Downum for
looking at it on a tight deadline."
Heather Clitheroe has a poem in _Ripe Magazine_
(http://www.ripemagazine.com). She says, "I'm pretty excited and happy
about it!"
Sue Curnow's story "Justice" is now out in _The Sword Review_
(http://www.theswordreview.com).
Rae Carson tells us: "_Neo-opsis Science Fiction Magazine_ would like
to publish 'First Waltz,' my heavily workshopped sci-fi short. If ever
the OWW resulted in a group project, this is it. Thanks go to Gene
Spears, Dan Sackinger, Ken Rapp, Martha Knox, Jo Anderton, Jodi
Meadows, Holly McDowell, and Aaron Brown. (And probably a few
others...I seem to have lost my notes on this one.) THANKS, GUYS!"
Christiana Ellis cries out: "Behold! A Podcast Christmas Carol
(http://apodcastchristmascarol.org). It is a podcast-themed adaptation
of the Dickens classic, and I helped write and produce it!"
Congratulations. Pod people is going to have a whole new meaning in a
few years.
Mark Fewell's story "Cockroachboys" can be found in _Susurrus
Magazine_ (http://www.susurrusmagazine.com/cockroachboys.htm). And his
story "A Time For Every Paradox" can be found in _Astounding Tales_
(http://www.astoundingtales.com/vol2_iss3/sf/paradox.php).
Nancy Fulda won the _Apex Digest_ Halloween Contest
(http://www.apexdigest.com/index.shtml). The story, "Ghost Chimes,"
will be published in issue four of the print magazine. And her story
"Kitjaya" placed as a finalist in the third quarter 2005 of Writers of
the Future, which means that it's being held for possible inclusion in
the anthology.
Rhonda S. Garcia was so excited about her first fiction sale -- to
_Abyss & Apex_ -- that she forgot to tell us the name of the story!
But she says: "I want to publicly thank Susan Curnow, Elizabeth Hull,
Elizabeth Bear, Kat Allen, Jean Seok, Anna Kashina, Larry, Stella
Evans, John Tremlett and most of all, John Borneman and Greg Byrne,
who both took a look at this story and helped me figure out the final
draft. Thanks to Pam McNew for loving it. As to the rest, besides
being fine writers, they all helped me keep from digging out my eyes
and retiring from the writing world in a funk at one time or another."
Christine Hall sold three stories in one week! They include two
workshopped horror stories, "Black Karma" to _Nocturnal Ooze_ and
"Burning" to _Byzarium_. She's grateful to Donna Johnson, John Hoddy,
Teri Foster "and everyone else who helped with critiques."
Christopher Kastensmidt's story "Wizard's Study" was just accepted for
publication in the July 2006 issue of _Beyond Centauri_. He writes,
"Since the sale came just one day after I joined OWW, I'm not sure if
I can credit the workshop with the assist. But then again, we write
speculative fiction, so who knows what karmic forces were involved in
this sale?"
Sandra McDonald's story "A Lock of Ra" aappears in the December issue
of _Lone Star Stories_ (http://literary.erictmarin.com/current.htm).
Pam McNew's story "Maggie's Christmas List" ALSO aappears in the
December issue of _Lone Star Stories_
(http://literary.erictmarin.com/current.htm).
Michael Merriam sold his story "Jenny's Magic" to _Beyond Centauri_
for their July 2006 issue. He would like to thank workshop members
Stella Evans, Alan Johnson, Jodi Meadows, and Becca Patterson for
helping him beat this story into shape.
Karen Miller's novel THE INNOCENT MAGE has been nominated for an
Aurealis Award, Australia's equivalent to the Nebula. Karen writes:
"I'm gobsmacked and chuffed. As ever, so much credit goes to the
workshop which encouraged me not to give up." That kind of news just
makes us smile.
Kevin James Miller's new collection THE CRAZY COLORED SKY AND OTHER
TALES is now available from Silver Lake Publishing
(http://www.silverlakepublishing.com).
Aimee Poynter has good news, too: "I just wanted to let you know that
I was just accepted to Clarion 2006 on the strength of two stories
that went through OWW, 'The Triangle Is Still Burning' and 'The
Society of Crows.' The quality of my writing took a huge leap forward
after I joined OWW, thanks to all the blunt but fair feedback. Extra
thanks to those who reviewed the two stories I used for the
application. You guys rock!"
David Reagan sold his story "Nothing to Hide" to _The Other Truth_
(http://othertruth.com/), a brand-new satire Web site. He advises
everybody to check out their guidelines because they need more new
writers.
Erzebet YellowBoy has two more short story sales to end the year. "A
Remedy for Sorrow" (workshopped as "In The Garden," which won an EC in
Sept. 2005) will appear in _Not One of Us_. Her story "Bird's Eye"
will be found in SLEEPING BEAUTY, INDEED, an anthology due to be
released by Torquere Press in 2006. Erzebet says: "My deepest thanks
to all who helped me with these stories. :)"
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 12/20: 587 paying, 46 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 435
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 2.5%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 79.8%
Average reviews per submission (all submissions): 5.18
Estimated average review word count (all submissions): 632.21
Number of submissions in November: 312
Number of reviews in November: 1478
Ratio of reviews/submissions in November: 4.74
Estimated average word count per review in November: 705.51
Number of submissions in December to date: 216
Number of reviews in December to date: 932
Ratio of reviews/submissions in December to date: 4.31
Estimated average word count per review in December to date: 679.36
Total number of under-reviewed submissions: 31 (7.1% of total subs)
Number over 3 days old with 0 reviews: 4
Number over 1 week old with under 2 reviews: 18
Number over 2 weeks old with under 3 reviews: 9
| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission? Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next
newsletter. Just send it to support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and
we'll do the rest.
Until next month -- just write!
The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
| - - Copyright 2005 Online Writing Workshops - - - - - - - - - - - |
Visit our newsletter page to subscribe!
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