O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, June 2006
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop News:
Submit or die!
July writing challenge
Conference news
Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for May 2006 submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Tips & Feedback
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
OWWer extraordinaire Elizabeth Bear picks up the second award of her
career! Elizabeth won the Locus Award for Best First Novel for her
science fiction trilogy consisting of HAMMERED, SCARDOWN, and
WORLDWIRED, all published in 2005. She shares honors with OWW
Resident Editor Kelly Link who won Locus Awards for Best Novella
("Magic for Beginners") and Best Collection. Congratulations to them
both! (All the winners can be found here:
http://www.locusmag.com/2006/News/06_LocusWinners.html)
In other news, we couldn't help noticing that four of the twelve
stories in the new volume YEAR'S BEST PARANORMAL ROMANCE are by OWW
authors. We're very proud of all the OWWers and OWW workshopped
stories that appear in Year's Best Collections. Five OWWers placed
nine reprints in Year's Best volumes this year. Congratulations to:
Elizabeth Bear:
- "Follow Me Light" in YEAR'S BEST FANTASY & HORROR, eds. Ellen Datlow,
Kelly Link, and Gavin Grant
- "Follow Me Light" in YEAR'S BEST PARANORMAL ROMANCE, ed. Paula Guran
- "Two Dreams on Trains" in YEAR'S BEST SCIENCE FICTION, ed. Gardner Dozois
- "Wax" in YEAR'S BEST FANTASY, ed. Rich Horton
Leah Bobet, "Bliss" in YEAR'S BEST FANTASY, ed. Richard Horton
Deborah Coates, "Magic in a Certain Slant of Light" in YEAR'S BEST
PARANORMAL ROMANCE, ed. Paula Guran
Sandra McDonald:
- "Fir Na Tine" in YEAR'S BEST PARANORMAL ROMANCE, ed. Paula Guran
- "Constituent Work" in BEST OF THE REST: THE BEST UNKNOWN SCIENCE FICTION
AND FANTASY OF 2005, ed. Brian Youmans
Sarah Prineas, "A Treatise on Fewmets" in YEAR'S BEST PARANORMAL ROMANCE,
ed. Paula Guran
SUBMIT OR DIE!
Are you submitting? Or dying? The OWW mailing list challenge is still
underway, with members tallying submissions and rejections. It's
never too late to join in and start submitting your work. You can't
be published if you don't submit. Check out the mailing list threads
labeled "SUBMIT OR DIE!" on the mailing list at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/oww-sff-writing/
JULY WRITING CHALLENGE
Jodi, OWW Challenge Dictator, Unicorn Warlord, and general menace (or
some spammer using her e-mail address), sent us the following:
Deer.valued workshop.member:
Congratulations! Your this months challenge winner. Enlarge your
workshopjoy by signing up for a FREE challenge nothingatall. SHRINK
your mortgage in half! You won the lottery in obscure country no one
knows about!
This month's challenge is a combined effort from Ellen and E!
(although they do not know their efforts are being combined) and
my...er...genius.
The setting should be the OWW (be nice and don't have it a horror
story where they get sued) and the characters should all have spammer
names.
Er, be nice and try not to use spammer grammar and spelling. ;)
Remember: These are supposed to be fun, but don't forget to stretch
yourself. If you normally write fantasy, try SF. If you've never tried
space opera, here's your chance. It doesn't have to be great. It's all
about trying new things. There's no word limit, no time limit, no
nothin'. Just have fun. :)
Please don't post your challenge pieces to the workshop until July
first. Include "July Challenge" in your title so you can show off how
fancy you are to all your friends.
For more details on the challenges, check the OWW Writer Space at
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/tiki/tiki-index.php?page=Challenges
Or the original Challenge homepage at:
http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/Challenge.html
CONFERENCE NEWS
We received this e-mail from the Austin Film Festival:
The Austin Film Festival is fast approaching and we would like to
invite members of the Online Writing Workshop to take advantage of a
special discount to attend this year's festival and conference. The
2006 Festival will mark our 13th anniversary of honoring
screenwriters' contributions to the film and television industries.
The discount we would like to offer your members is $25 off the
purchase of a Producer's or Conference badge till September 22. This
discount only applies to the purchase of a badge and does not apply
with any other promotional offer. The 2006 Conference dates are
October 19-22 (Festival dates continue through to the 26th). This
year's theme is "Telling Your Story By Any Means Necessary." Through
a series of panels and films, we'll have established screenwriters and
filmmakers sharing their experiences on how they got their script
sold, their movie made, their pilot picked up, etc., in spite of
industry, financial and/or other obstacles....They can register over
the phone by calling 1.800.310.3378 and asking for Sharlym Aquino.
They will receive the following discount if they mention Online
Writing Workshop for Science Fiction. More information:
www.austinfilmfestival.com
MEMBERSHIP PAYMENT INFORMATION
How to pay: In the U.S., you can pay by PayPal or send us a check or
money order. Outside of the U.S., you can pay via PayPal (though
international memberships incur a small set-up fee); pay via Kagi
(www.kagi.com--easier for non-U.S. people); send us a check in U.S.
dollars drawn on a U.S. bank (many banks can do this for you for a
fee); or send us an international money order (available at some banks
and some post offices). If none of those options work for you, you
can send us U.S. dollars through the mail if you choose, or contact us
about barter if you have interesting goods to barter (not services).
Scholarship fund and gift memberships: you can give a gift membership
for another member; just send us a payment by whatever method you
like, noting who the membership is for and specifying whether the gift
is anonymous or not. We will acknowledge receipt to you and the
member. Or you can donate to our scholarship fund, which we use to
fully or partially cover the costs of an initial paying membership for
certain active, review-contributing members whose situations do not
allow them to pay the full membership fee themselves.
Bonus payments: The workshop costs only 94 cents per week, but we know
that many members feel that it's worth much more to them. So here's
your chance to award us with a bonus on top of your membership fee.
For example, is the workshop worth five dollars a month to you? Award
us a $11 bonus along with your $49 membership fee. 25% of any bonus
payments we receive will go to our support staff, sort of like a tip
for good personal service. The rest will be tucked away to lengthen
the shoestring that is our budget and keep us running!
For more information:
Payments: http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships.shtml
Bonus payments and information about our company:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/bonuspayments.shtml
Price comparisons:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships_comparison.shtml
| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors. Submissions in four categories -- SF, F,
horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be
educational for others as well as the author.
Reviews are written by our Resident Editors, award-winning authors and
instructors Jeanne Cavelos, Karin Lowachee, and Kelly Link, and by
experienced science-fiction and fantasy editor Jenni Smith-Gaynor. The
last four months of Editors' Choices and their editorial reviews are
archived on the workshop. Go to the "Read, Rate, Review" page and
click on "Editors' Choices."
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors!
Editor's Choice, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
EMPEROR'S MISTRESS (CH. 21, SC. 1) by Michael Staton
Opening chapters are very important to grab a reader's attention. It's
a great place to introduce the main protagonist or antagonist, the
world, and perhaps some of the major conflicts. But after the
introduction has hooked the reader, the rest of the novel still needs
to maintain a forward momentum to keep the reader turning pages,
especially in a story with intrigue and betrayal.
Michael Stanton's twenty-first chapter of THE EMPEROR'S MISTRESS does
a pretty good job with keeping up forward momentum. Philip Jardir and
his companions are running for their lives from an "elf-witch," who
apparently foiled their kidnapping or murder plans. Their target was
another magic-user, a "Hextor boy," who was not as strong as the elf.
Running scared of a caster, they're separated from the rest of their
gang, and they stumble upon their dying spymaster, Jarn Sork. Sork
manages to gasp out the name and location of a hedgewitch, and Philip
sends the other two to fetch her even though they all assume Sork
won't live much longer. Philip makes the decision to use a magical orb
to contact the gang's benefactor, a decision toned with fear of the
unknown mage. And when Philip realizes that the benefactor is the
emperor's mistress, he seems to accept that she could be her next
favorite, and that it might help him get revenge on his brother.
Not having read the previous chapters, I'm not sure how much backstory
has been established. How much of Philip's story has already been
revealed -- the betrayal of Ariella, who chose Philip's brother over
Philip? The rumors of the steam-ball as a dangerous object that could
bring down the mage guild -- the mages being a commodity that filled
the empire's coffers. Are the Scorpions a gang of rebels or only
imperial deserters looking to profiteer? From this chapter, I get the
sense that some of Philip's story (and the setup of the Scorpions) has
been shown.
Besides tightening up some awkward sentences and clunky similes (which
are sometimes unnecessary and feel forced, e.g. "The wind hissed near
the blackberry bushes that huddled around the twisted birch like
worshippers kneeling before Philae's latest Prophet"), the tension of
the opening almost immediately dissipates. Tighter sentences and a
greater sense of their apprehension could help maintain and even
heighten the tension. Where are they going? They don't seem to have a
destination; not having one and just running scared could also help
that out-of-control feeling. Are they searching for their fellow
comrades? One line about Philip hoping to run into fellow Scorpions
doesn't impress either the urgency or triviality of the search. Was
there a pre-set meeting place for after the raid or if the raid was
unsuccessful? Because they seem much more organized than just a bunch
of nimwits who lost a raid.
Some of my questions could possibly be answered in previous chapters,
but I didn't get a sense of where Philip was positioned in the
Scorpions, so the possibility of him taking Sork's place didn't have
as full an impact as possibly intended. The scene where Philip
searches Sork's bags and then contacts the benefactor could also be
filled with more tension and perhaps be infused with the same
apprehension from the chapter's opening. I still expected Philip and
his comrades to be jumping at every sound, to be looking over their
shoulders, to still act traumatized from their recent encounters with
the elf-mage.
I wasn't convinced by the descriptions used to show us the forest.
Unless Philip always thinks in metaphorical terms, this passage feels
out of character: "From the top of the knoll, he could trace the
violent path of the whirlwind. It was as if Arant's threshing machine
had flailed and beaten great swaths of forest, chewing up pines, oaks,
birches, elms and poplars. Sometimes it looked as if the god had felt
remorse and called the wind back into the clouds, but then
reconsidered and hurled it landward." Is he religious? Does religion
color and flavor everything in this world? Perhaps it does -- the use
of worshippers praying in the earlier simile points to a world where
gods and piety are seen everywhere. How does Philip's character use
this? Is he pious or an unbeliever? Was he once a believer and now
rejects it or is he one who sees what he needs to only as backdrop?
Philip could be a much stronger character with an absolutely
convincing portrayal if the small details were solidified.
Overall, I liked where this chapter was leading the story. It had a
nice sense of forward momentum and a new situation -- Sork dead,
Philip the benefactor's potential favorite, and discovery of the
benefactor's identity. Tightening up some of the clunky sentences at
final draft could really make this book stand out. Keep up the good
work.
--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books
Editor's Choice, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:
THE TAPESTRY OF LIES - CHAPTER 1 by Angus Glashier
There was stiff competition this month with several very strong
submissions, but this chapter showed uniqueness in its voice.
To answer the author's questions right off (even Resident Editors can
do this favor for authors): yes, the chapter did grab my attention
immediately, if for nothing but the protagonist's name and the dynamic
imagery: "Juno Dresser entered the exhibition centre, armies of
computer products deployed in ranks around her." Throughout the short
chapter (more on this later), the vibrant use of simile and metaphor
to enhance the prose and give it life vaulted this rather spare and
potentially bland beginning into a truly enjoyable read. The opening
paragraph continues from this first line to give an immediate sense of
place as well as character, all succinct, all using telling details
that speak to the character's thoughts as she enters the environment.
Just enough details are given, with enough color to make the reader's
first impression of this world to be one of wit and accessability.
Neatly-stacked boxes wrapped in cellophane held plastic discs
capable of storing all the information in all the books and
pamphlets in the entire hall put together. Corporate mascots
paraded around the hall like escapees from a very dull theme park.
Women in sexy outfits proffered demos of database mining tools,
and waved their hands like game show hostesses over sleek notebook
computers. Juno grinned at the irony of using implied sex to sell
computers that would no doubt be used for virtual sex by many of
the customers here today. But as much as she liked to imagine
herself outside this hall of nerds, Juno knew she was one of them.
Though these descriptions are perfectly apt and sing across the page,
think about varying sentence structure to provide more oomph to the
rhythm of the paragraph. "Boxes wrapped," "mascots paraded," "women
proffered," and "Juno grinned" ... when the words and images
themselves are uniquely put together, don't water it down with too
much repetition of form. This may seem nitpicky as the prose is
accomplished on its own, but it doesn't hurt to look to finer detail
to make clever writing step up to exceptional writing.
Beginning the book at a computer convention is perfectly fine (to
answer the author's next question), especially when it begins like
this. In the first two paragraphs alone there is so much great imagery
(the display stand likened to a medieval fort, for one) that it
wouldn't matter what was being described because it's described so
well. This is a fundamental truth with writing: no matter the place or
the type of character, if the writing and portrayals themselves are
dynamic, convincing, and virtually seamless, the reader will likely be
hooked. The same goes for Juno as a protagonist. She's witty, easy to
be around, and snappily portrayed. Though the reader barely knows her,
we're interested enough to want to see how she will handle her
situation.
The name "Loveday Churchyard" is a mouthful, but considering the tone
of the story so far, it oddly fits (as do the characters in this
tale). Because the humor is so immediate, it would be a good idea
however to keep a close eye on it and not let the story run away --
meaning, don't neglect world- and character-building for the sake of a
brisk pace and sly wit. When Juno first meets Loveday, the visual
description is spot on, but be mindful of the other senses, especially
scent and sound. A few lines in the narrative focusing on more than
what Juno sees would thicken the prose so the punchline pace of the
chapter doesn't become too breezy. It is a rather short chapter that
sped by jauntily -- not necessarily a bad thing as it pulled the
reader along with no effort -- but it wouldn't hurt the chapter either
to slow down and build a little more of Juno's situation.
Mentioning that she was too distracted and had to go outside works
well, but allowing her thoughts to skip from things she was trying to
focus on (the convention) and then launching into her ruminations
about Amyas would give a bit more space between her meeting him and
then meeting Shesun. Especially because she meets three very strange
individuals in quick succession, it doesn't hurt to pace them apart a
little more. It might even be interesting to see her interact once or
twice, briefly, with the normal or average denizens of the convention,
just so her encounters with the weird ones would be that much more
stark, instead of melded together like one big circus show.
The dialogue is another enjoyable feature of this chapter. It flowed
easily and varied from character to character. Too often people in SF
stories tend to all sound the same, when in reality people have a very
distinct way of speaking, not only accent-wise, but in vocabulary,
nuance, and slang. Be conscious of this as it individualizes the
characters.
The ending of the chapter came too quickly and seemed almost throwaway
-- gone were the more unique phrases and everything sounded very much
like a typical adventure story: heroine gets kidnapped by strange men
and resorts to tears. Though this is clearly an SF adventure, it's
also clearly unique in time, place, and character. Don't skimp on the
description here just for the sake of pace and moving Juno to the next
chapter.
She began to turn away, but powerful hands suddenly grabbed her
from behind. Two men dressed in white tried to force her into the
car, but she elbowed one of them in the face. He stumbled
backwards and she tried to break free, but the other held her
tight. The man she had punched rubbed his jaw and took a swing at
her. Pain flashed through her head as they lifted her up and threw
her into the limo. Though she tried to struggle free, they pushed
her face-down into the seat and hog tied her. She twisted her head
and screamed but that only earned her another smack in face and a
gag over her mouth. Tears poured down her face and her body shook
in fear as the car sped away.
Because this is the end of a chapter and the author wants the reader
to turn the page, re-examine this to see what could be punched up. The
imagery and actions here are rather typical of a kidnap scene. Qhat
could set it apart in a narrative that has already set itself apart in
previous paragraphs with vibrant descriptions and characterizations?
It may be hard to maintain such a strong voice, with such humor, for
an entire novel, but doubtless the author has the skills to do so with
some attention to finer details.
--Karin Lowachee
Author of BURNDIVE and CAGEBIRD
http://www.karinlowachee.com
Editor's Choice, Short Story:
"Fluke" by Barbara Gordon
Funny is harder to pull off than most readers realize. And funny also
doesn't get as much respect as it ought to. Here's the thing: it's serious,
slippery work, writing funny stuff. Voice is important, and so is balance.
Consistency of voice is important, because the reader needs to relax and
trust the author. Balance is just as important: try too hard, and funny
isn't funny anymore. Details are important, too, of course, but details are
always important. The best kind of funny also requires something substantial
behind it. Life is funny. Death is funny. Sheep are extremely funny. This
month's EC short story, FLUKE, is extremely well done. It's funny, and it's
also tackling, in the tradition of Terry Pratchett, some fairly serious
ideas.
I'm a bit leery of critiquing something that isn't finished yet. So this
isn't going to be a long critique, and it's probably more useful for other
workshop members, rather than for Barbara Gordon. This story works --
so far -- because the writing is economical, the dialogue is comfortable and
believable, the main character, Laura, is sympathetic, and because there's
an extremely fertile mix of the commonplace and the uncanny in the premise
-- sick sheep, ruggedly sexy biologists, Atlanteans, weird fruit, and a title
("Fluke") which to readers of parasite literature (anyone read Scott
Westerfeld's PEEPS?) suggests an interestingly ominous story arc.
The story so far reads a bit like a good romance novel -- Jennifer Crusie, or
Jayne Anne Krentz. Now that I think about it, it has some of the same
confidence and nuance that Connie Willis's work shows. (Which is to say,
it's delightful.) We have a widow whose husband, before dying, got her
involved in a harebrained sheep-raising venture. We have a biologist with "a
nice wide chest" which Laura decides is worth staring at: "as good as
chocolate, with no calories." We also have lots of sheep. Take a look at the
excellent opening:
Sheep were good at dying. Considering that each sheep could only
do it once, so practice was hard to get, they showed real natural
talent for being found stiff in the field with their legs in the
air, or collapsing in the barn, looking at Laura reproachfully --
You're the human, you do something! -- before shuddering to a dead
stop. Maybe their habit of getting sick or infested in some
obscure and expensive way was practice for dying. If that was it,
no wonder they died as expertly as teenagers in a horror film.
The writing immediately hooks the reader. (Which is odd, when you think
about it -- why is it instantly interesting to be told that sheep are
dropping dead? And yet it is.) I might suggest a small cut towards the end
to keep the pacing tighter:
Sheep were good at dying. Considering that each sheep could only
do it once, so practice was hard to get, they showed real natural
talent for being found stiff in the field with their legs in the
air, or collapsing in the barn, looking at Laura reproachfully --
You're the human, you do something! -- before shuddering to a dead
stop. They died as expertly as teenagers in a horror film.
We go from dead sheep to a mild flirtation, and there's something here which
has the complication of real life -- Laura's real life. And not only does she
have sheep with a mysterious condition, but she has a nephew interested in
Atlanteans, and odd, yellow fruit in her orchard. But it's the details about
sheep farming -- foot dips and "not yet dead sheep, clumped up against the
fence in an untidy heap of dirty wool, as if they were trying to pile
themselves up into a knitted replica of Mount Don in the distance." From a
mild flirtation, we go to theories of alien invasion -- excellent! There are
nice parallels being drawn between sheep behavior and the behaviors of
humans, who, like Laura's late husband -- and her neighbors -- who have
moved out, en masse, to the country to raise emus, lamas, and other exotic
large animals. And then there are the neighbors who, along with Laura's
nephew, may have been eating strange fruits and who are subsequently going
up to the top of Mount Don "to watch stars." Meanwhile, the livestock are
also exceedingly interested in getting as close to Mount Don as possible.
The reader will see where this is going, but that's not necessarily a
problem, as long as there are still lots of knowledgeable details about
sheep raising, and Laura's life.
A couple of small comments and questions: first, I find it hard to believe
that Laura and her nephew would have a hard time remembering the word
"Israelites." More importanly, what does Laura want? Besides selling the
sheep farm her husband's death has saddled her with, and possibly getting to
know the biologist, Rennie? And why does Rennie keep asking if Laura has a
man around? It makes him seem a bit less sympathetic. Barbara Gordon asks if
she ought to set this story in the early 60s, rather than keeping it
contemporary, and that might work. If stories keep moving in certain
directions, then it's usually worth considering why. You could certainly do
some interesting things with gender, in that case. I've been rereading James
Tiptree, Jr. and short stories about biology and parasites can only benefit
when gender is thrown into the mix as well. If anyone on the workshop hasn't
read Tiptree's "The Screwfly Solution," they ought to take a look. Finally,
Gordon wonders whether or not she will keep a small scene, in which two
lambs lift a ewe off her hind legs as they attempt to nurse. Should she keep
it? I'd vote yes -- I've never seen this happen, but I could immediately
picture it. It's good to have small breathing spaces in stories in which we
can see the world. Keep the arc too tightly wound, and some of the pleasure
goes out of the story.
When this story is finished, it ought to go to _F&SF_ or _Asimov's_. The writing
is polished and professional enough to sell, and the subject matter is both
funny and serious. And it's got sheep in it! I'll end with another excerpt:
Laura put her rubber boots back on and walked out to the barn.
There weren't any sheep in there, just the smell. Most of the time
sheep ran away from people. That was another thing she hadn't
expected at first. We look like something scary to them. Something
that rips their throats out, not something that feeds them in the
winter and breaks the ice on the water so the pregnant ewes don't
get toxemia, and builds them a nice warm barn. And trims their
hooves when they get foot-rot, and puts out salt licks, and stays
up all night when they're lambing. It doesn't matter how many
thousands of years we've been taking care of them, they still
remember something scary, like those terror-birds maybe. Sheep are
definitely slow learners.
--Kelly Link
Editor of TRAMPOLINE and co-editor of YEAR'S BEST FANTASY & HORROR
http://www.kellylink.net/
Editor's Choice, Horror:
SQUATTER'S RIGHTS - CH1, PART CH2 by Ruv Draba
SQUATTER'S RIGHTS is listed as "psychological horror," but the first
thing the reader coming to it notices is the crisp, wise-cracking
voice of the hardboiled detective. Our expectations are further
satisfied by a dramatic situation involving a client and a missing
person. The interesting thing about Ted is that he's not all that
hardboiled:
You read about brave, hard-bitten hard-drinking, lantern-jawed
private detectives. But that's not me. I dropped out of a Psych
degree. I used to do negotiation work for the police, but I
couldn't take the stress. I tried policy work, but couldn't stand
the politics. So I went into the gumshoe game. I can't fight. I
don't own a gun. A lot of supermarket staff are taller than me,
and I puke on four rum-and-colas. I'm an insomniac and a
self-confessed Gen-X slob. I have allergies (cats and some foods,
but not dogs). I like Sudoku, Oprah and Reality TV. Dr Phil is my
personal hero.
In this brief paragraph, we get a distinct picture of a character who
is at once familiar and new. And it's this interesting mixture --
genre tropes we're familiar with, combined with a character we're
familiar with -- that effectively sets up the element of horror. I
won't describe it here because I like the impact it has when the
reader first encounters it. When Ted encounters the horrific, he has
a panic attack. We're right there with him, because we'd probably do
the same.
This combination of story elements -- horror, a character who behaves as
we might, and a mystery to solve -- is a very effective hook for a
novel. With only six pages here, there's not enough to tell if
there's a novel's worth of story in the premise. So my first bit of
advice would be to let this story be just as long as it wants to be,
and no longer. Laird Barron wrote a very different, but very creepy
piece of horror that used the hardboiled detective tropes ("The Imago
Sequence," _F&SF_, May 2005). There are markets for this if it ends up
shorter.
My second piece of advice is to decide if this really is a horror
piece using detective story elements, or a detective story that
borrows from horror. In the first case, you're going to want to focus
on the mood and emotional state of the character, and all the elements
of the mystery will play into the psychological exploration of the way
he deals -- or fails to deal -- with the world. It will end badly for
someone, probably Ted, and the mystery may or not be solved. If, on
the other hand, it's really a detective story, the horror elements
will creep us out and make us read, but the mystery will have a
resolution that may or may not have a bad ending. And if it does, it
won't be for Ted, though he will pay some price for the knowledge he
gains.
Whichever way you go, watch the use of voice. The hardboiled
detective voice has been used and overused to the point where
sometimes it sounds like parody even when it's not. Descriptions like
this are very effective because they feel fresh: "She was maybe
mid-thirties, but she had a smoker's face that cost her another twelve
years. Improbably red hair, and a style that would have looked edgy
when she danced to Duran Duran back in the day." On the other hand,
when Ted, after his panic attack and the accident says, "I turned back
to the pair of them for a snappy exit line," I don't believe it. It's
the sort of thing other hardboiled detectives say in books, but here
it draws too much attention to the conventions and kicks us out of
Ted's emotional state. If you mean for this to be horror, the more
comic use of the hardboiled voice can get us to drop our defenses to
set up moments of horror, but it needs to be used deliberately and
sparingly. Watch the mood. You'll have more flexibility if you're
going the other route, but be careful to keep it fresh and not
undermine your story by shoring it up with cliches and cliched
situations.
I love cross-genre material, and this beginning feels very fresh and
full of promise. We need another ten thousand words to see where
you're headed with it, though. So get cracking!
--Charles Coleman Finlay
Author of THE PRODIGAL TROLL and WILD THINGS
http://www.ccfinlay.com
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews. After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!
If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, use our online honor-roll nomination form
-- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor
Roll page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
Your nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar
month.
The Honor Roll will show all June nominations beginning July 1.
Meanwhile, herean advance highlight from this month:
Reviewer: Buzz Bloom
Submission: Game of Souls, Chapter 1, part 1/4 (new) by Anja Vogel
Submitted by: Anja Vogel
Nominator's Comments: Very thorough review. He answers all my author's
queries, gives an insightful summary and substanstial line critique.
He gave his email address if I had questions about his review, which I
did, and he answered those too. I also appreciate that he critiqued
the next two of my submissions and hopefully some more to come.
Thanks, Buzz!
Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during April include: D. Melissa
Bowden, Ray Capps, Ruv Draba, Mike Farrell, Margaret Fisk, Bonnie
Freeman, Barbara Gordon (3), Jeanne Haskin, Leonid Korogodski, B. E.
Liang.
We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in May can be still found through June 30 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.
OWW Resident Editor Notes:
Karin Lowachee's novel CAGEBIRD is a finalist for the 2006 Prix Aurora
Awards given by the Canadian Science Fiction and Fantasy Association.
OWW Member Sales and Publications:
Tom Barlow's humorous story "Character Notes for 'When Gods Collide
and Conflict,'" a fictional letter to _F&SF_ editor Gordon Van Gelder,
was published in _Defenestration_
(http://www.defenestrationmag.net/works/prose/tbarlow.html).
For Elizabeth Bear, the dam broke after a few dry months. She was
sweet enough to break it down into categories for us.
New sales: A COMPANION TO WOLVES (with Sarah Monette), to Tor,
scheduled for hardcover in 2007. "Ile of Dogges" (with Sarah Monette)
forthcoming in _Aeon 7_; "Sounding" (a sappy ocean story, and all
Amanda Downum's fault) to _Strange Horizons_; "Inelastic Collisions"
(aka "Gretchen and Tamara Go Bowling") to Ellen Datlow's INFERNO
anthology; former EC "Sonny Liston Takes the Fall" to an as-yet
untitled Ellen Datlow anthology; "Love Among the Talus" (a cold rock
sex/April Fool's challenge story) to _Strange Horizons_; "The
Something Dreaming Game" to Lou Anders anthology FAST FORWARD. She
adds: "Way too many people are owed thanks for me to actually list
here; actually looking it up and listing the names has become the kind
of small daunting task that never gets done when one is surfing the
fine edge of life stress. And I don't feel right about woohooing
unless I mention the people who helped." But we think all of you
understand. Reprint sales include: "Follow Me Light" to YEAR'S BEST
FANTASY & HORROR (Datlow, Link & Grant) and to YEAR'S BEST PARANORMAL
ROMANCE (Guran); "Two Dreams on Trains" to YEAR'S BEST SCIENCE FICTION
(Dozois); and "Wax" to YEAR'S BEST FANTASY (Horton). Publications
include: "The Cold Blacksmith" in the June _Baen's Universe_; "The
Inevitable Heat Death of the Universe" in _Subterranean 4_; and "Gone
to Flowers" in EIDOLON, Eidolon Books, Jonathan Strahan and Jeremy
Byrne, eds.; "Wane" in _Interzone_ #203 Mar/Apr 2006. Plus her
collection THE CHAINS THAT YOU REFUSE from Nightshade Books, and her
novel BLOOD & IRON, due out from Roc next week. All of us are
extraordinarily happy for her and think she's amazing.
Leah Bobet's "Bliss" appears in THE YEAR'S BEST FANTASY, edited by
Richard
Horton.
Deborah Coates' story "Magic in a Certain Slant of Light" (_Strange
Horizons_, March 2005) will be reprinted in BEST NEW PARANORMAL
ROMANCE. She also reports receiving the contract from _Asimov's_ for
"Chainsaw on Hand."
Becky Day sold "Magic's Choice" to Fantasist Enterprises for their
BLOOD AND DEVOTION anthology. And her short story "The Hare Wife" is
one of the winners of the WildChild Fairy Tale Contest and will appear
in their June issue.
Amanda Downum sold "Snake Charmer" to _Realms of Fantasy_, for which
she thanks Elizabeth Bear, Jodi Meadows, and Aimee Poynter. Also,
_Aeon_ is buying her poem "And In the Living Rock, Still She Sings,"
for which she blames Jaime Voss. Her story "Dogtown" appears in a
recent issue of _Strange Horizons_
(http://www.strangehorizons.com/2006/20060612/dogtown-f.shtml).
Nora Fleischer's novel DISCOVERED COUNTRY; OR, THE ADVENTURES OF
ROSEMARY THE LIBRARIAN is now available as a podcast at
http://www.podiobooks.com/podiobooks/book.php?ID=78. Nora writes "A
lot of people read this novel and helped me tremendously, especially
Pen Hardy, Melinda Kimberly, Ilona Gordon, Ezra Niesen, and Christiana
Ellis. I'll always be grateful for the time they invested to make
this a better novel."
Vylar Kaftan reappears in the sales column! She sold "Keybones" to
_ChiZine_ (http://www.chizine.com/) and "Civilization" to the
GLORIFYING TERRORISM anthology. Both were OWW-workshopped stories,
which makes her add :)
Sandra McDonald's "Fir Na Tine" appears in THE YEAR'S BEST PARANORMAL
ROMANCE, edited by Paula Guran.
Michael Merriam sold his spec fic poem "In the Void" to _The
Shantytown Anomaly_ for their third issue. This poem is based on a
short story that was workshopped on OWW last year. He also sold his
story "Duel in the Moonlit Snow" to _Gryphonwood_. This story was
workshopped under the title "The Nanny." Michael would like to thank
Aliette de Bodard, Dena Landon, Alan Johnson, and Maggie Della Rocca
for their insightful crits and reviews. Your newsletter editor would
like to thank Michael for always sending in his sales news in
easy-to-use format!
Ian Morrison sold his short story "The Iron Star" to _Turnpike Gates_
for their September issue. He sends "thanks to Mel Mason, Raymond
Walsh, Leonid Korogodski, Sam Butler, Shery Thompson, Sandra Ulbrich,
Daniel Sackinger, Fiona McDonald, Patty Jansen, and Amos Peverill for
excellent critiques. Your help was invaluable."
Sarah Prineas's story "A Treatise on Fewmets" is being reprinted in
THE YEAR'S BEST PARANORMAL ROMANCE, edited by Paula Guran.
John Schoffstall's story "Fourteen Experiments in Postal Delivery"
appears in a recent issue of _Strange Horizons_
(http://www.strangehorizons.com/2006/20060605/postal-f.shtml). And his
story "Errant Souls" is in issue No. 18 of _Lady Churchill's Rosebud
Wristlet_. He adds, "This story was an EC when it was on the 'shop.
Props to Carol Burrell, Bill Kohler, Keith Katsikas, John Walborn, Mur
Lafferty, M Thomas, Ruth Nestvold, cathy freeze, Raymond Walshe, and
Kyri Freeman who critted it and made it a better story."
Rachel Swirsky's OWW-critiqued story "The Debt of the Innocent" will
be appearing in the GLORIFYING TERRORISM anthology, to protest
censorship in Britain. Her story "Scene from a Dystopia" appears in
_Subterranean_ #4. And her story "Two Weeks After the Shadow"
appeared in the May issue of _Anti Muse_.
Larisa Walk's story "The Owl Dreams," workshopped on OWW, was
published in the GODS AND MONSTERS anthology.
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 6/19: 625 paying, 64 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 453
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 69.76%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 2.87%
Average reviews per submission (all submissions): 4.83
Estimated average review word count (all submissions): 692.17
Number of submissions in May: 312
Number of reviews in May: 1219
Ratio of reviews/submissions in May: 3.91
Estimated average word count per review in May: 815.71
Number of submissions in June to date: 178
Number of reviews in June to date: 628
Ratio of reviews/submissions in June to date: 3.53
Estimated average word count per review in June to date: 706.19
Total number of under-reviewed submissions: 70 (17.2%)
Number over 3 days old with 0 reviews: 5
Number over 1 week old with under 2 reviews: 33
Number over 2 weeks old with under 3 reviews: 40
| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission? Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next
newsletter. Just send it to support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and
we'll do the rest.
Until next month -- just write!
The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
| - - Copyright 2006 Online Writing Workshops - - - - - - - - - - - |
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