O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, July 2006
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop News:
Submit or die!
August writing challenge
Conference news
Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for June 2006 submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Tips & Feedback
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
After noting last month's awards, we would be remiss if we didn't
mention that CAGEBIRD, a novel by Karin Lowachee, former OWW member
and current Resident Editor for SF, won the 2006 Prix Aurora Awards
given by the Canadian Science Fiction and Fantasy Association.
Congratulations, Karin!
Last month, in mentioning that five OWW members had placed nine
stories in Year's Best collections, we were both one member and one
story short. Ruth Nestvold, and her story "The Canadian Who Came
Almost All the Way Home From the Stars," co-authored with Jay Lake,
has been reprinted in the YEAR'S BEST SCIENCE FICTION, edited by
Gardner Dozois.
SUBMIT OR DIE!
Submit or Die! challenge tallies always take a while to trickle in
because of varying submission response times. But at least one of this
month's member sales came about as a direct result of the challenge to
submit. If you're writing, but not submitting your work regularly,
check out the discussion on the OWW mailing list at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/oww-sff-writing/
AUGUST WRITING CHALLENGE
Jodi, OWW Challenge Dictator, Unicorn Warlord, and general menace, put
on her muppet outfit (it's a giant ferret) and announced the
following:
This month's challenge was brought to you by the letter A, Holly, and
the number 12.
Your challenge is to write a story revolving around these three ideas:
angel, acrobat, and amber.
Get to it!
Remember: These are supposed to be fun, but don't forget to stretch
yourself. If you normally write fantasy, try SF. If you've never tried
space opera, here's your chance. It doesn't have to be great. It's all
about trying new things. There's no word limit, no time limit, no
nothin'. Just have fun. :)
Please don't post your challenge pieces to the workshop until AUGUST
first. Include "AUGUST Challenge" in your title so you can show off how
fancy you are to all your friends.
For more details on the challenges, check the OWW Writer Space at
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/tiki/tiki-index.php?page=Challenges
Or the original Challenge homepage at:
http://www.thermeon.net/checkered/Challenge.html
CONFERENCE NEWS
Interested in screenwriting? The Austin Film Festival invites members
of the Online Writing Workshop to take advantage of a special
discount to attend this year's festival and conference ($25 off the
purchase of a Producer's or Conference badge till September 22). The
2006 Conference dates are October 19-22 (Festival dates continue
through to the 26th) and this year's theme is "Telling Your Story By
Any Means Necessary." More info on the festival at:
www.austinfilmfestival.com
Register over the phone by calling 1.800.310.3378 and ask for Sharlym
Aquino, then mention the Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction.
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certain active, review-contributing members whose situations do not
allow them to pay the full membership fee themselves.
Bonus payments: The workshop costs only 94 cents per week, but we know
that many members feel that it's worth much more to them. So here's
your chance to award us with a bonus on top of your membership fee.
For example, is the workshop worth five dollars a month to you? Award
us a $11 bonus along with your $49 membership fee. 25% of any bonus
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for good personal service. The rest will be tucked away to lengthen
the shoestring that is our budget and keep us running!
For more information:
Payments: http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships.shtml
Bonus payments and information about our company:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/bonuspayments.shtml
Price comparisons:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships_comparison.shtml
| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors. Submissions in four categories -- SF, F,
horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be
educational for others as well as the author.
Reviews are written by our Resident Editors, award-winning authors and
instructors Jeanne Cavelos, Karin Lowachee, and Kelly Link, and by
experienced science-fiction and fantasy editor Jenni Smith-Gaynor. The
last four months of Editors' Choices and their editorial reviews are
archived on the workshop. Go to the "Read, Rate, Review" page and
click on "Editors' Choices."
Congratulations to this month's Editors' Choice authors!
Editor's Choice, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
BLOOD RIGHT, CHAPTER 1 by Valerie Jones
The first chapter of Valerie Jones' BLOOD RIGHT opens with a son
murdering his father, a mob nearly rioting in the streets, and a
prince sending his half-brother to the dungeon for treason. A lot
happens in this opening chapter, and we're immediately thrust into a
plot that seems ripe with possibility. I liked the immediate act of
regicide, but felt the impact of the death -- and all the consequences
that follow -- could have had more weight if the pace had slowed down
just a tad. There seemed to be a great rush towards the last scene
where one of the brothers has guards throw the other into the dungeon.
The overall opening chapter had promise -- a drunken addict sits on
the throne and ignores his conscientious son's request to be a servant
of the people. The king's other son, only a half-brother to the
Warlord, seems disinterested in anything other than the pleasures of
the flesh. The setup is plain -- two sons will battle for the throne.
I thought the small amount of guilt Jeren, the Warlord, expressed over
the murder of his father could have been explored with a little more
detail. That kind of detail will elevate this obvious plot from a
simple power struggle to something more multifaceted. Jeren isn't
simply a power-hungry prince. He seems to care about the strength of
his kingdom, about the starving people, about rebel dukes taking
advantage of the weak, yet arrogant king. Expand this characterization
and use it to strengthen the murder scene. It's got a hint of emotion
right now, but it could have far more impact if we could see how this
death dealing affects Jeren. Consider his position, his upbringing,
the backstory that should remain in the background (and not revealed
at this moment), and infuse that with the moment Jeren decides to
actually create a scene where the king will inevitably set himself on
fire. The fact that Jeren has been drugging his father into a stupor
over time creates an eerie sort of loyalty. Connect that unique
characterization with the rest of his actions, thoughts, and emotives
in this chapter.
The end scene where Nerat has his brother Jeren arrested feels rushed
and abrupt. I don't mind it as a conclusion to this chapter, but since
the setup is weak -- we don't really get a feel for Nerat's position
or influence in the court, with the soldiers, with other factions --
the impact is also weak. Think of the focus of this chapter. Is the
focus on Jeren's killing the king? Is the focus on Nerat's instant
throne grab? Is it the plight of the commoners? Jones could spend some
more time developing Jeren by expanding his interaction with the
commoners. We could see how close he is to them, or that his affinity
for his people is not at all what it appears to be. In the opening, we
know he's a royal and that he recognizes the strength of a mob led by
a charismatic leader. He doesn't appear to be the type of prince who
plays a pauper to gain the loyalty of the peasants, so we need a
little guidance about why he feels things are out of control. Nerat is
too easy an antagonist without the background of their relationship --
I get a sense Nerat thinks his half-brother is a sort-of lapdog to the
king, but I don't get any sense of his own influence in the court. How
then does he gain the throne and backing from the guards to
immediately imprison Jeren. Where are the rest of Jeren's supporters?
Capt. Gordar even says both brothers have equal claim to the throne;
there would be some sort of politicking unless Nerat had it wrapped up
neatly beforehand... and if he did, there is no indication of that
here.
Grounding details are also very important to really make the reader
feel the world is unique -- describe the world and make those
descriptions do more than just decorate. Make the details fill out
culture, language, characterization and paint images in the readers'
minds. Wrought iron, sandals, large trading city, reptilian mounts,
and sandstone blocks are only the beginning. I don't get a very solid
image in my head about the kind of culture Jeren, Nerat and their
people live in. I don't smell it or taste it or hear it. I want those
reptilian mounts to be more than a gimmick, so mold it into the
background so that it makes absolute sense for there to be both horse
and reptiles large enough to ride in this world with iron and heat.
Overall, this first chapter has some clean bones, but giving it more
substantial flesh will strengthen it. A chapter that opens with a
murder has a lot of potential for an exciting read, so expectations
are high -- don't disappoint. I don't need a full-blown explanation of
why Nerat and Jeren were half-brothers or why they disliked each other
-- that's part of the backstory and can be revealed as the plot
continues. But I do need to know just enough so that when Jeren's
plans to take control (despite it feeling a little unplanned and
chaotic) goes awry, I'm set up for the remainder of the novel and not
left wondering why or what or how it came to be. Stick with it and
don't forget to use those grounding details to show us the unique
flavors of the world and the characters. Make us feel that heat of the
city, the king's alcoholic exhalations, the sound of the soliders
(what do "the clang of weapons being readied" actually sound like?).
These are the kinds of details make a novel shine.
--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books
Editor's Choice, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:
ON RAVEN'S WINGS (CHAPTER 1) by Ranke Lidyek
Mood and language. The two are linked in writing, yet many
nonpublished works that I've come across don't take advantage of this
skill. What the writer here may think is purple prose actually comes
across more as someone who knows how to create a mood through
effective use of language. The voice, and thus the characters, are
strong and dark. You want to cast off the silt created by being
immersed in this world after reading in it. The very first line draws
you in: "Dead cities talk." What follows isn't purple; it is specific
imagery used to create a mood and introduce a character in a setting:
In time, you begin to hear, and then you know that you've moved to
the end of that line, the one separating men from ghosts. The one
where your soul fades into vapor and its scent filters from you,
acrid. Like sweat lifting from a corpse. I think I smell it now.
Hope mingles with it, burning like incense, and its ashes fill my
boots, sifting between my toes as I walk.
The idea of a soul having a scent, and then associating that with a
corpse, ashes, the image of this person walking through the ashes of
hope -- these are the types of written observations in a story that
elevate it from mundane to the edges of sublime. Many writers can put
together a competent sentence to create a good narrative; fewer
writers can put together powerful sentences to create an amazing
story. The variation of sentence length here, even using fragments of
sentences, create a cadence and enhance the mood, reflecting the
thoughts of the protagonist. We don't know his name or situation yet,
but we certainly have a strong idea of what occupies his thoughts.
None of it is pleasant.
Nothing is wholly explained in large chunks as we follow this man on
his dark duty to capture "sparks." Yet what impatience might flare up
from being doled this information doesn't enter the picture because
the interplay between this character and his world, and later the
character and a devil, is intriguing enough to hold interest. We're
introduced to him as he hunts and encounters a Scavenger: "The
scavenger rises again, distant. The grill of his respirator conceals
his features, making him a black insect riding plague winds."
Even without a ton of information to describe this "enemy" we are
given a specific image about it that is seamlessly inserted within the
broader narrative, in keeping with the mood. Description of any sort
should be eased into the flow of the story and when it's done well
especially in a first person narrative, it will seem less like
description and more like an extension of the character's continuing
thoughts.
This one line, however, did manage to pull me out of the story: "Call
me what you will, but don't call me late for dinner. I have killed, I
have stolen, and I have taken more than my share. But there are some
traits of mine to value. I, for all my faults, do not procrastinate."
It seemed a little too self-aware or wry, to the point of being almost
comedic, and completely broke the mood and tension of the scene. He's
also got the Scavenger in his gun sights and by adding more lines, the
effect actually comes across as if he's hesitating. Remove this line
completely and the pace, as well as the tone, will be kept intact.
On the other hand, this chapter is riddled with beautiful lines like
this: "Names are god's fingerprints. The devils took mine so god
wouldn't know me as his own. They scrubbed his mark clean off."
As Rennick advances through the scene, more information is dropped:
he's in a land of devils, he collects souls. While the imagery remains
intact, suitably dark and creepy, lingering a little longer in the
bazaar of the Chasm might add even more weight and color to the world
and the character. Reams of paragraphs need not infiltrate, but at
this point, after the first introduction scene that hooks the reader,
the writer can take a little more time to sit and let the reader
breathe and more fully acquaint themselves in the foreign land.
I walk through a bazaar, a tent full of busy merchants. Traders,
traitors, and killers all. Their wares bear more value than any
lives we have to offer, and they speak in hushed tones as they
barter amongst themselves.
Don't neglect other senses like taste and scent, used so effectively
earlier in the chapter. Fill out this bit, where he's walking through
and we are seeing things up close and through his eyes and his
experience. What do these traders and traitors look like? What is he
hearing? How does the place smell, can he taste its foulness? Rennick
comes across like an assassin or a hunter and the reader expects him
to be hyperaware everywhere he goes, especially as he's going to meet
someone he does not trust.
The dialogue exchange between Djinn the devil and Rennick is just as
spot on as the created world:
"I see you've brought something. Is it a bright one, your Spark?"
When dealing with a devil, deal carefully.
"It wasn't an easy find." I tell him.
"Nothing worth finding is." Djinn muses.
The stares of his guards raise my ire, "Call me in. I don't talk
trade with floor-apes."
Djinn laughs, but I watch the duo carefully. They might be
monkeys, but they have large teeth and I know it.
"Someday they might bite, I think."
"Then I'll know who let go of the leash."
With spare, but pinpointed words, characterization comes across
beautifully:
Djinn's red eyes peer at me beneath his brow. His hair bristles, a
ghostly white, wisped long and tenuous about his ascetic features.
Sometimes I see a quiet flame in those eyes, but I know it is my
imagination. Djinn altered himself long ago. He pulled the
pigmentation from his skin, they say, to rid himself of his
humanity. They go so far as to claim he removed his mortality with
it. Standing here now, I find myself beginning to believe.
Devils, angels, gods, faith, hope, belief, cynicism. These concepts
are filtered through the narrative, sometimes blatantly, sometimes
not. Playing on the concepts through description and characterization
create the world and the mood of the world without hitting the reader
over the head. Subtlety in writing often goes astray, especially in
genre writing where the need to be explicit in fantastical milieus
sometimes overshadows the pleasure of putting together puzzle pieces
of theme, imagery, and subtext in dialogue.
With this subtlety in mind, the chapter might end on a more powerful
note with the stark image of: "I feel a hole open in my chest." By now
we're better acquainted with the world, though we don't know all of
the details, and now by the end of the chapter, Rennick has a specific
task, a major point of the plot that the reader assumes will be
followed up on for the rest of the book: the Spark of color that he
has to find. The deal is memory for this Spark. Beginning Chapter 2 on
this thought provides a break from the "tip off" of action, where the
writer may introduce a little more introspection and hopefully more
information on how Rennick got "there," where he is specifically, and
more hints as to who he used to be and if or how that relates to the
world we know.
These are all questions still occupying the mind, and though they
don't have to be all answered in the next ten pages, keep filtering
out the information at the proper pace, as it's been done in Chapter
1, and it will be enough to guide the reader along on this grim but
intriguing journey.
--Karin Lowachee
Author of BURNDIVE and CAGEBIRD
http://www.karinlowachee.com
Editor's Choice, Short Story:
"Letters From Isobel" by Katrina Kidder
This is a taut, nicely written story in which touches of sfnal
strangeness overlay a strong character study of a man's life. The
writer has managed to lay out, quite economically, the life of a
37-year-old man, Jimmy, who has lost his teaching job and ended up on
a construction crew run by his father-in-law. He has been married
three times, and his wife at the time of this story, Irene, reveals
that she has become pregnant. There are stresses in the marriage that
don't quite become clear. There is also a mysterious correspondent, a
woman named Isobel, who, over the course of Jimmy's life, has sent him
128 letters that seem to come from both the past and the future. These
letters offer insights into Jimmy's life that are disturbingly
personal, cryptic, and on the whole not particularly useful. That last
is a very nice touch.
It has been three years since Jimmy has received a letter from Isobel,
the longest gap since the letters began. And this letter is out of
time, as some of the other letters have been. It offers advice to the
7-year-old Jimmy about taking sports too seriously. Jimmy keeps the
letters from Isobel in the bank; he also keeps them a secret from his
wife. (Presumably he has kept them a secret from everyone else.) While
at the bank, Jimmy looks into the near future, that is, he reads a
letter from Isobel that is dated March of the next year. This letter
says "It's always the principle of the thing, but this is a small
enough price to be done with it." As a reader, I can't help seeing
this as a clue of sorts, although Jimmy himself doesn't. He says "it
doesn't sound like the sort of advice worth warping space-time over,
as I am a reasonable man." The reason that I focus on the letter from
March is that there is not one, but two mysteries at the heart of this
story. One is, of course, Isobel and her purpose. The other is what
happens to Jimmy and his marriage to Irene. The most significant clue,
of course, is the fact of the letters rather than their content. What
matters is that there is a woman who seems to know Jimmy better than
his wife, Irene, can ever know him, and the fact that Jimmy has kept
this correspondence a secret from Irene.
There's a third mystery. The letter farthest in the future from Isobel
is dated 2017 -- there are no letters after that point. The gaps are
as mysterious as the letters. Why hasn't Isobel written Jimmy in three
years (when in other years she writes, on average, four or five
letters)? Why does she stop after 2017? Has something happened to
Jimmy, who will be forty-seven then? Again, this isn't a mystery that
needs resolution. It's something for the reader to chew on, and it
adds depth to what is already happening in the story.
This isn't a story that means to resolve most (or possibly any) of
these issues. The pleasures here, and the story's
perhaps-a-bit-too-easy resolution do not come from the larger mystery
that Jimmy and the reader cannot solve, but instead from the
observations of life and character, and from the almost-pointless
strangeness/inconvenience of the ways that the strange and the
supernatural intrude on life. Only twice, as far as the reader knows,
has Isobel's advice changed Jimmy's life in a significant way. Once,
in the first letter Isobel sent, when Jimmy was planning out a date so
that it would end in possibly coerced sex. And later, when Isobel sent
Jimmy the answers to a calculus final that he would otherwise have
failed. But Isobel hasn't helped out any with Jimmy's relationship
difficulties, or warned him about the loss of his teaching job, and
she has never mentioned the child that Irene tells Jimmy that she is
expecting. This is a story about a marriage. Instead of the
Time-Traveller's Wife, think The Time-Traveller's Dear Abby.
There are little clues that Jimmy and Irene are in trouble. For
example, Jimmy, thinking of Irene's pregnancy, tries to figure out
whether or not he wants a child. "...I realize that I'm not thinking
oh no, so that must be yes. Even though it's more that I want Irene to
be happy, to have whatever she wants. I want this marriage to work.
Just the thought of starting over again pushes hot acid up into the
back of my throat." And later on, Irene tells Jimmy, "I hate it when I
don't trust you" although we haven't seen any evidence at this point
that Jimmy is untrustworthy (except regarding Isobel's letters) or
that Irene is suspicious of Jimmy. And here is where I am not entirely
sure that the story is working as hard as it ought to be.
It seems just a little pat, just a little Catch-22, that right at the
very moment that Jimmy has decided that he ought to come clean about
Isobel's letters, Irene tells him that her returning self-confidence
(and possibly their marriage) depends on the fact that with Jimmy,
what she sees is what she gets. She asks Jimmy if that makes sense to
him and the story ends here: "'Yes,' I tell her, wondering who I am.
Holding a grenade with no pin. Afraid to move."
This is a decent, but abrupt ending, almost in the O'Henry mode, but
it's a bit of a failure that the characters have to come out and tell
the reader the things that the hinge of the story relies upon. We
haven't known, until this point that Irene relies upon Jimmy's
solidity, his reliability -- the fact that he is an utterly known
quantity, without secrets or trap doors. It's not necessarily a
problem that Jimmy hasn't known this until now; this is a story in
which the reader ought to know several things that Jimmy doesn't seem
to realize. (For example, the timing of Isobel's next letter is a
month after the possible birth of Irene's child, and there's a
possible unhappy tinge of marital advice about "the principle of the
thing" and being "done with it.") But the reader ought to have a
better sense of Irene before she drops her bomb. It's probably a
simple enough fix. This story is extremely intelligent when it focuses
on the details and descriptions of everyday actions and interactions.
Show us a little more of Jimmy and Irene together. Let us perform
Isobel's role just a little bit more clearly. Let us see Jimmy's life,
and also, perhaps let us see if being seen (spied upon by Isobel, whom
he cannot know or see) has deformed the ways in which Jimmy relates to
the women he ought to be closest to. He's angry at Isobel. That's
clear enough. But we don't get a close enough look at how this anger
or feeling of betrayal works itself out in his everyday life and in
his marriage.
One further thought: you might go ahead and write out a series of
letters from Isobel to Jimmy. You probably won't use any of them, but
they might tell you, the writer, more about Jimmy. It might provide
you with some useful details. And I feel as if Isobel and the anger
that Jimmy probably feels towards her -- he didn't ask to have a
secret correspondence -- is missing from the current ending. I feel as
if he ought to be cursing Isobel there. Irene may have pulled the pin,
but Isobel is the grenade.
--Kelly Link
Editor of TRAMPOLINE and co-editor of YEAR'S BEST FANTASY & HORROR
http://www.kellylink.net/
Editor's Choice, Horror:
"Skinwalker: Deception" by Mike Nelson
I've heard Howard Waldrop say that a story has a beginning, middle,
and end, though not necessarily in that order. And sometimes they
aren't even all on the page. That's what we have here in the
"Skinwalker: Deception," which the author categorizes as a fantastical
horror short story.
Delores Tsinnie is at home in her hogan on the Navajo reservation when
tribal policeman Ernest Dejolie arrives in the company of a white FBI
agent named William White. They have bad news -- Delores's husband
has been beaten to death. As they ask her questions, it becomes
apparent that her runaway thirteen-year-old son is a major suspect.
His baseball bat was one of the weapons used in the murder. Most of
the conflict focuses on the tension between Delores and White, who
doesn't understand their ways or show respect for her situation. But
in a quick turn of events (this is only a 2100 word story), we
discover that Ernest is the real killer, over an issue of witchcraft.
Delores unmasks and destroys him. In the final paragraphs, her
skinwalker son leaps out of the bushes and kills White also.
What we have in these eight pages is the end of the story, the
resolution of a conflict between Delores (and her family) and Ernest.
The middle of the conflict is given as an offstage retelling in
Ernest's description of the murder. But the beginning of the story --
the origin of the conflict, and the importance of the witchcraft -- is
only hinted at.
Make no mistake: this is a well-written final scene. The use of White
as a red herring, to increase the tension and to distract us from the
other conflict, is very effective. And Delores's confrontation with
Ernest is also convincing. There's not a lot here that I would
change, at this point, on the sentence level.
But it doesn't work for me as a complete story yet. Too much of the
beginning is simply missing or given to us after the fact. Take the
telltale baseball bat, for example. The middle part of the story is
that it's used in the murder and it points toward Delores's son. The
end of the story is that it was planted. After we get both of these,
Delores tells us that her son never used it, so that's how she knows
it was planted. In this story, that's not really playing fair with
the reader and comes as an anticlimax. It's also, frankly, a missed
opportunity. If we'd seen the ball bat earlier, gathering dust, we'd
sense something was wrong when Ernest describes its use. Or, if we'd
seen her son, who apparently isn't missing after all but is hanging
around the house, enter for some reason after Ernest's last visit, we
might believe he really did steal it. I don't often say this, but I
think there's more story here, and more scenes needed, to get the
strongest emotional effect that's possible from this ending.
I also want to talk about that emotional effect. Horror is a mood --
not a plot, or character, or situation. The way this is currently
written, it is a story about loss and redemption and justice, but not
horror. The loss of Delores's husband is horrific, as is the
suggestion that her estranged son might be the culprit. But the
ultimate resolution of the story changes the mood when we get the
unmasking and punishment of the real villain(s), and the return of her
son. Delores says, "We knew, Ernest, yet we did nothing. He was a
good husband, my Monty, and a decent father. You had no right to take
him away from me, from us." And then the creature that Ernest is dies,
and we find out that "Jarrett had come home," eliminating one of her
losses.
The author really needs to think about the kind of story he's trying
to write. If it's a horror story, then the mood should be paramount,
and the emotional ending should be one of horror, something that stays
with us and haunts us in its details. In my mind, the ending in a
horror story is always "wrong" in some way. Even if a bad person dies
horribly, we're still left with the sense that the world is deeply and
tragically misshapen, that the thing that kills the bad guy is worse
or more evil. In a more traditional narrative, even one that uses
horror/magic elements, the world is set "right" again by the ending.
Unless I'm terribly misreading things, that's what happens here: the
villain is punished, the hero is rescued, and a broken family is
(partially) reunited.
I'll be honest, I like the "right" ending more. I'd like to see a
scene between Dolores and her husband, so we know what she's lost. I'd
like to see that first scene with Ernest. I'd like to see a visit from
Jarrett that goes badly. I'd like to see a paragraph of Delores
staying up late, missing her husband when he doesn't come home, and
rationalizing it some way. Give us the beginning of the story, and add
more power to the middle and ending that are already here. But if
that's not the story the author wants to write, they need to think
about what the pieces are for the emotional impact they do want to
achieve.
There are some other things I'd change too, like getting rid of the
song at the beginning because it doesn't have enough context, and also
adding a little more exposition about the cultural background
throughout. I might pick a concrete title, more specific to Delores
and this story. But those are tweaks, and unnecessary until the
structural problem is addressed. Good luck with it whatever direction
you go. This is a great final scene, and has the potential to be even
more powerful with either the right beginning or the right mood.
--Charles Coleman Finlay
Author of THE PRODIGAL TROLL and WILD THINGS
http://www.ccfinlay.com
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews. After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!
If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, use our online honor-roll nomination form
-- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor
Roll page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
Your nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar
month.
The Honor Roll will show all July nominations beginning August 1.
Meanwhile, here are two advance highlights from this month:
Reviewer: Alan White
Submission: Xulios - Ch. 3 by Jeffen Matthews
Submitted by: Jeffen Matthews
Nominator's Comments: The best, most thought out review I had
received. This guy was really interested in helping me. Can't say
enough about his comments and how they helped my perspective.
AWESOME!!
Reviewer: Crash Froelich
Submission: T-Rex Fillets by Sage Vadi
Submitted by: Sage Vadi
Nominator's Comments: Crash delivers critiques like a medicine laced
with chocolate. It's always very sweet but with surgical precision.
He's an example of how to write a good crit.
Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during June include: Kathryn
Allen, Carol Bartholomew, Buzz Bloom, Leah Bobet, Aliette de Bodard,
cathy freeze, Barbara Gordon, Bryan Hitchcock, Ed Hoornaert, michael
keyton, Rochita Loenen-ruiz, Paul Moore, Rachel Swirsky, and Anja
Vogel.
We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in June can be still found through July 31 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.
OWW Member Sales and Publications:
Tom Barlow's story "Your Friend On the Outside" was accepted by
Thieves Jargon (http://thievesjargon.com), one of his favorite e-pubs.
He also recieved contributor copies of the summer _Duck & Herring
Pocket Field Guide_ with his story "Left in Right Field."
Leah Bobet had another great month. "Lagtime" is appearing in the
current issue (Summer 2006) of _On Spec_ (http://www.onspec.ca). This
was workshopped way back in 2003, and thanks go out to Stephanie
Burgis, Elizabeth Bear, Joshua Canete, Stella Evans, Dena Landon,
Magda Knight, and Walter Williams. "Three Days and Nights in Lord
Darkdrake's Hall" was accepted by _Strange Horizons_
(http://www.strangehorizons.com). Leah writes that "Jed tells me that
makes me one of two people who have sold five pieces to them. Thanks
go out to Don Campbell, Stella Evans, Chris Leong, and Christopher
Upshaw for their on-shop crits." She also sold two poems this month:
"Coffee Date" will be appearing in the August issue of _Cabinet des
Fees_ (http://www.cabinet-des-fees.com) , and "To Her Mother" will be
in a future issue of _Strange Horizons_. She sends "thanks to Jaime
Voss for her tireless suck-checks on the poetry."
Linda Daly reports that she's been accepted into Viable Paradise X.
Okay, actually what she said was, "Woohoo! I'm so excited!! In fact...
*thunk* That was me, fainting."
Amanda Downum's flash piece "Brambles" has been taken by _Cabinet des
Fees_ (http://www.cabinet-des-fees.com) for their online edition.
Nancy Fulda sold "Pastry Run" to _Baen's Universe_.
Kim Jollow sold "Don't Kill the Messenger" to _Analog_.
Vylar Kaftan sold "Nine Thousand Four Hundred Ninety-Four Days" to
_Abyss & Apex_ (http://www.abyssandapex.com).
Mur Lafferty sold her story "Moat" to _Scrybe Press_.
F.R.R. Mallory has two sales this month that were workshopped through
OWW. (And at least one more that wasn't!) She informs us that "of
lilys" was workshopped in 2003 and sold to _Freya's Bower_ on July 18.
And alas, she adds, "I have been unable to find my reviewer document
to note those who assisted." "When The Swords Fell" was workshopped in
September 2005 and sold to _Wild Child Magazine_ on July 14, 2006.
Thanks to reviewers Greg Byrne, Eric Bresin, Brenta Blevins, Al
Bogdan, Way Jeng, Aliette de Bodard, Joanne Bradley, Rajan Khanna,
Christopher Upshaw, and Duane Grippen.
Sandra McDonald's story "Women of the Lace" appears in the premiere
issue of _The Town Drunk_ (http://www.thetowndrunk.org/contents.aspx).
Wow! Michael Merriam has sold his short story "Out Among the Singing
Void" to _Fictitious Force_. Michael would like to thank Brandon
Barr, Stella Evans, Daniel Sackinger, Karen Swanberg, and Jennifer
Michaels for their help with this story. He also place placed his long
fantasy poem "The Sixth Son," which was based on a story he
workshopped on OWW last year, to _Prism Quarterly_. Michael's
paranormal romance novelette, "Stopping By," will be appearing in two
parts (September 2006 and December 2006) in _Lyrica: A Webzine of
Romantic Fiction_. He sold has his children's fantasy poem "Where the
Leftovers Go" to _Beyond Centauri_. And he also sold his novelette
"Melpomene Run" to _Ray Gun Revival_. This story was workshopped
under the title "Into the Equation." He would like to thank Amanda
Downum, Mark Early, and Rae Carson for all the help on this one.
Ruth Nestvold's story "The Canadian Who Came Almost All the Way Home
From the Stars," co-authored with Jay Lake, is reprinted in the YEAR'S
BEST SCIENCE FICTION edited by Gardner Dozois.
David Reagan's workshopped story story "Only The Neck Down" is
currently live at _Futurismic_
(http://www.futurismic.com/2006/07/new_fiction_from_david_reagan.html)
.
First sale! Ian Tregillis tells us that "George R. R. Martin has
accepted my novelette 'Political Science,' co-written with Bud Simons,
for inclusion in the forthcoming Wild Cards novel BUSTED FLUSH (Tor,
2008). This is a multipart story that will be printed as two separate
but closely intertwined pieces. 'Political Science' is the title for
the first part; the second part is untitled at the moment. I didn't
workshop this story, but everything I've learned on the OWW over the
past few years was crucial to the effort. This is my very first sale.
Whee!"
Amber Van Dyk sold "The Green Men" to new pro-zine _Fantasy_, which
has been buying work by several OWWers.
Donna Watkins' story "The Dangers of Interspecies Dating" is up at
Jupiter World Press (http://www.jupiterworldpress.com). She sends her
"thanks to all who helped me work it up to its proper, polished state."
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 7/18: 606 paying, 46 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 415
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 71.81%
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 2.89%
Average reviews per submission (all submissions): 4.90
Estimated average review word count (all submissions): 675.58
Number of submissions in June: 307
Number of reviews in June: 1029
Ratio of reviews/submissions in June: 3.35
Estimated average word count per review in June: 699.18
Number of submissions in July to date: 124
Number of reviews in July to date: 552
Ratio of reviews/submissions in July to date: 4.45
Estimated average word count per review in July to date: 756.00
Total number of under-reviewed submissions: 77 (18.5%)
Number over 3 days old with 0 reviews: 3
Number over 1 week old with under 2 reviews: 36
Number over 2 weeks old with under 3 reviews: 38
| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission? Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next
newsletter. Just send it to support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and
we'll do the rest.
Until next month -- just write!
The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
| - - Copyright 2006 Online Writing Workshops - - - - - - - - - - - |
Visit our newsletter page to subscribe!
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