O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, Aug/Sept 2006
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!
| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
- Workshop News:
Upgrades to the workshop
Ask Kelly Link
September-October writing challenge
Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for July and August 2006 submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Tips & Feedback
| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
This month's newsletter is two newsletters in one! And it's all my
fault. I had August nearly done when the logic board failed on my
laptop. In between trying to get it repaired, recover files, and
taking care of normal life stuff (like work and my kids going back to
school), the newsletter slipped to the point where it made more sense
to combine it with the next month's. In six years of doing this, this
is the first time that's ever happened. Our apologies!
The bonus is you get twice as many Editor's Choice reviews this month,
and a robust serving of Sales and Publications. And if you have a
sense of irony, you may enjoy this month's -- er, make that last
month's -- writing challenge.
Charlie
UPGRADES TO THE WORKSHOP
Recently we've upgraded our integration with PayPal so that membership
and gift-membership payments made via PayPal are automatically
processed and added to members' accounts. Bonus payments (thanks!)
and payments made through Kagi are still processed manually. This
should greatly speed up the bulk of our payment process. Two changes:
First, from now on members need to be logged in before following the
payment links in our membership area. Second, members paying by
subscription will now have expiration dates that are updated with each
monthly payment (we are now in the process of changing over these
expiration dates to the new payment-based scheme).
ASK KELLY LINK
In an upcoming newsletter this year, we'll have our Resident Editor
Kelly Link, author, publisher, instructor, and over-and-over-again
award winner, answer your questions on writing speculative fiction.
Assuming those questions are interesting. If they are, send them in
to support (at) sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and we'll compile them
for Kelly to select and answer.
OCTOBER WRITING CHALLENGE
For October, we've got another finish-that-story challenge!
For those of you who don't remember the Dead Charlie Challenge, the
idea is to take my first sentence and grow a story out of it. You can
rearrange the sentence and shift it into whatever POV/tense you need,
but the idea needs to stay the same.
And the sentence is...
*drumroll*
"The world ended last week, and I want to know why."
Remember: These are supposed to be fun, but don't forget to stretch
yourself. If you normally write fantasy, try SF. If you've never tried
space opera, here's your chance. It doesn't have to be great. It's all
about trying new things. There's no word limit, no time limit, no
nothin'. Just have fun. :)
Please don't post your challenge pieces to the workshop until OCTOBER
first. Include "OCTOBER Challenge" in your title so you can show off how
fancy you are to all your friends.
Jodi, Challenge Dictator, Unicorn Warlord, and general menace.
SEPTEMBER WRITING CHALLENGE
Jodi, OWW Challenge Dictator, Unicorn Warlord, and general menace, put
on her muppet outfit (it's a giant ferret) and announced the
following:
So, I was late turning in this month's challenge. Late like a late thing!
On that note, September's challenge is deadlines. Use your
imagination! Personally, I prefer the death of many redshirts upon
missing deadlines. But that's just me. ;)
Get to it!
For more details on the challenges, check the OWW Writer Space at
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/tiki/tiki-index.php?page=Challenges
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| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors. Submissions in four categories -- SF, F,
horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be
educational for others as well as the author.
Reviews are written by our Resident Editors, award-winning authors and
instructors Jeanne Cavelos, Karin Lowachee, and Kelly Link, and by
experienced science-fiction and fantasy editor Jenni Smith-Gaynor. The
last four months of Editors' Choices and their editorial reviews are
archived on the workshop. Go to the "Read, Rate, Review" page and
click on "Editors' Choices."
Congratulations to the current Editors' Choice authors!
Editor's Choice, July, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
THE CONSCIENTIOUS SCOURGE, CHAPTER 2 by Hugh Beyer
The second chapter of Hugh Beyer's CONSCIENTIOUS SCOURGE is a quiet
chapter with subtle power. I have not read the first book, so I'm not
at all familiar with Galen, Salomon, and Madoc, but that didn't hinder
my enjoyment of the developing story. I thought Hugh did a good job
showing Galen and Salomon through dialogue and description, and if
this is the second book in the series, there doesn't need to be a
lengthy reintroduction to characters in an existing plot arc. I would
like a few more grounding details -- as Hugh acknowledges -- and a
little more development of Muriel since she was so prominent in the
first chapter and seems to be a major character in this book. And I
was hoping for a tighter conclusion instead of the briefest glimpse of
a new scene.
"If Salomon had a weakness, it was for young, lithe girls. And though
he was thin as a scarecrow and bald as a vulture, and would never see
sixty again, somehow they found him fascinating." I liked this
description of Salomon from Galen's point of view -- it's visual and
telling of Salomon's personality. The description of Muriel, the
entertainer, is also very good, "She was thin, too thin for grace, but
when she moved it was hard to remember this." I thought Hugh did a
good job weaving in this kind of detail; it's the kind of descriptions
that show a reader more than a physical picture. We already know from
the previous chapter how well Muriel moves, but this just solidifies
her image. These kinds of details can be applied to the setting, also.
During the conversation with Muriel in the tavern, I don't get a sense
of the place; there's very little to involve the five senses or
descriptions to help the reader build a image of the world. We know
it's hot and "the marketplace was deserted", so how does the heat
affect these three characters? Use atmospheric details to help ground
the setting and create the world around the characters.
I also really liked the way Galen and Salomon approached the wells,
and then very easily slipped through. I'm guessing this kind of act
has been done before, so readers of book one would be familiar with
Galen and Salomon just stepping into water. The change of dialogue was
jarring ("Nay, I'm all astray. Pray thee say.") and I wondered if this
was part of a ritual. As Salomon walks into the second well water, he
starts to talk about water as a door, and it sounds as if he is
reciting a lesson. It does not seem consistent with a character who,
just a few lines above, says, "Come help, you great lunk" and "Shut
up. How does it feel?" If the clunky sentences are part of their
lessons/ritual/magic, formatting could help clarify (italics, change
of font, etc.).
The next section with Madoc was an interesting look into the
backstory, but didn't have the impact (for me, who hasn't read the
previous book) it seemed to be striving towards. I'm not exactly sure
what we're supposed to learn from seeing Colden's disdain and Jasper's
stubborness. Continuing with this section instead of moving quickly
into the scene with Cob might help guide the reader towards
understanding the significance of Madoc's dream. It might help to link
the scene to its corresponding plot arc in book one, reminding readers
of what previously happened, and also tighten up this scene as a
foreshadow for future chapters, which is what I think this scene is
trying to achieve.
I'm always looking for details that ground the characters in the
setting, that help the reader slide unconsciously into the world, that
make a fantasy world come alive and set it apart from the rest. Hugh
Beyer does a nice job using descriptive phrases to show his
characters; I believe he can apply those same types of details to his
world and make it truly breathe for the reader.
--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books
Editor's Choice, Aug., Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
CROWN OF SAND - CHAPTER 1 by William Alden
The first chapter of William Alden's CROWN OF SAND is a fairly
intriguing setup for a fantasy of intrigue, romance, and the balance
of power. Alden says in his Author's comments that the novel's core is
a love story; I wish I had seen more of that in this opening chapter.
Olwynn, the former master of assassins (called wraithes), appears to
have made a bargain with his queen, the mother of the current tyrant
king, and so comes and goes as her lover. But Olwynn really continues
to serve her Royal Highness by watching and reporting news of the
kingdom. If this novel is to grab hold of an audience, characters and
their interactions will need to rise beyond the stock list of plotting
royals. There's not enough in this first chapter to show how Alden
will portray the rest of the major characters, but it's something to
consider when writing in this very popular category.
While the grounding details weren't bad, I wished we'd seen and felt
more of the characters age -- I really liked that the opening scene
involved two older men and that Olwynn and the queen were both mature.
We're told that Olwynn has a small pain in his back from climbing over
rooftops (spying on his former pupil, who is now the leader of the
king's shadowy assassins), that the queen thinks she is old, but I
don't really feel it. Being old is not just about physical
limitations, and so I'd really like more specific details.
I liked the opening description of Gitreth, the aristocrat getting
drunk and complaining about the king, although it seems a bit awkward.
"A roughly-hewn bull thickened by time, he huddled in his chair, his
strength confined by the flowing lace of his shirt and the tight cut
of his velvet vest." The rest of this scene is of him complaining
loudly at a public tavern while his friend tries unsuccessfully, but
not very forcibly, to quiet him. Gitreth is a man who believes he can
"brawl his way through life," but when the king's assassins finally
confront him, he does very little to fight back and is too easily
overpowered. If Gitreth has drunk so much he is unable to fight, I
need to see that. I need to see why aristocrats would sit in a public
pavillion alongside branded pirates and merchants -- would commoners
and gentry sit together or is it because of the ongoing festival? Set
the society and make it very specific to your world or to the time
period it is based upon.
What is the purpose of the festival in this chapter other than to
provide a reason for noise and crowded streets? If the streets are
muddy and crowded, I'd like to see more of that when Ceran hustles
Gitreth away from the pavillion after the drunken confrontation. I'd
also like to understand the reason for the festival--will this become
clear in later chapters? Use the festival for more than just
window-dressing and make us feel like we're there. I did not get a
solid sense of the festivities or of Ceran and Gitreth's placement in
the middle of it. And as Ceran hurries Gitreth away, I didn't sense
panic, fear, or anxiety. Ceran states that "we're in trouble" but I
didn't see why, especially since the use of "wraithe" isn't made clear
until it's obvious Gitreth has been betrayed.
The betrayal is a little convenient. There's not much in the way of
foreshadowing to make us believe that the king would have a possible
treasonous lord assassinated. Ceran, the betrayer, says as much, but
I'm not convinced. Gitreth complains about being humiliated, but I
still don't see the danger, which lessens the impact of Gitreth's
murder. Heightened tension, fear, some insinuation or foreshadowing of
the absolutely ruthless king would create a stronger impression of the
impending conflict. We really need to feel that King Eduard is corrupt
or truly cavalier in his use of the assassins against all criticism,
and that the rest of the aristocracy has little recourse against the
monarchy. Consider including the war-hero older prince in Gitreth's
drunken complaining. Gitreth and his daughter's possible union with
another noble house might appear more convincingly treasonous if these
two noble houses were both publicly supportive of the prince who was
tricked into abdicating the throne (information which is not in this
chapter, only the author's notes).
Alden has set up some nice structure on which to build a novel of
intrigue and power. Heighten tension for more impact and make
everything in the chapter really work for you -- make the festival
chaotic to reflect Gitreth's drunken rant or give it a frenzied edge
showing how desperate people are beneath their tyrannical king. Make
us believe this king really is corrupt and a reason for the nobles to
act, plot, or remain neutral. And if this really is a romance, I'd
like to see those principal characters and plot thread shine from the
very beginning. Relationships between two characters in a novel does
not necessarily make it a romance; the focus of the novel on that love
story is what clarifies the classification, so consider that as the
novel progresses.
--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books
Editor's Choice, July, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:
WHERE MEMORY HAS LEASE - CHAPTER EIGHT: ALTAIR by Mark Reeder
This is a dialogue-driven chapter between the data courier Krieg and
his "guide" who isn't all that he appears to be. It shows that an
alien planet doesn't require reams of descriptive paragraphs, just the
right kind of description to get the point across. When the thrust of
the chapter is the interchange between two characters and the
information doled therein, then it can even become cumbersome to weigh
down the dynamic with too much scene gazing. In contrast, this chapter
was well-balanced and held the suspense between the characters until
the very end, where a "surprise" action served well as a cut-off point
to make the reader turn the page to the next chapter.
As this is chapter eight in the novel, you might assume that it would
be utterly confusing to enter the narrative. In fact, the free-flow of
information illustrated the story, and the author's summary was
concise enough to give the gist of the plot. I was a little confused
why none of the characters mentioned in the summary were in this
chapter, but that was small and excusable considering the "in process"
status of the manuscript. The confusion didn't last at any rate, since
this chapter alone read a little like an encapsulated incident. It's a
skill to hook a reader in the middle of a book with good
characterization and plotting, when they haven't read much or anything
beforehand. The skill here is in the characterization, dialogue,
dynamic description, and general flow.
The chapter begins with a stark image, easily fixed in the mind of the
reader, and immediately tells us who is involved in the scene:
The towering swell of foam rolled toward the rocks, hovered for a
moment like a giant, gray-white hand, then slapped the outcrop in
front of them, sliding away with a wet, sucking sound. The two men
watched it recede, swallowed by a larger wave behind it.
The two characters are quickly introduced in the following paragraph
and one of the unique aspects of this planet -- the cloud sea -- is
elaborated on throughout the dialogue between Krieg and the guide.
They speak about the clouds, then meythalon (the drug that the guide
is seemingly addicted to), which leads effortlessly into conversation
about the morality of the drug usage, the reality of its production,
and the impact on these star systems. This leads to the information
and other personality that Krieg is carrying in his head -- and who
wants it. This would seem to be a complicated amount of information,
but the exchange reads naturally while building appropriate suspense.
The information Kreig carries is dangerous, and thus his life may be
in peril -- and we see that it is by the end of the chapter.
Succincts paragraphs such as this illustrate more than the character's
surroundings; the words enhance his personal struggle:
He struggled upward. Sharp rocks and thorn bushes made the going
rough. Though his guide looked ninety, the old man scrambled
nimbly up the steep slope and quickly outdistanced him. Krieg
wanted to quit; only his determination to find out what lay behind
everything that had happened to him kept him going. Chest heaving,
he finally reached the crest, hands red and scratched, clothes
torn and muddy. He bent over against the tugging wind and gulped
for air. The guide stood easily, the gusts snapping his cloak.
Below, terraced fields of quechuatl plants descended like giant
steps to the valley floor a thousand meters below them and rose up
the other side, disappearing over the next ridge. Beyond,
thousands of meters higher still, rose glaciered peaks feathered
in clouds. In the valley, people moved among the plants. Wide
brimmed, white hats dipped constantly as they bent over picking
the crimson leaves. Their movements reminded Krieg of Alephian
wading birds hunting fish in the shallows.
Krieg is not only struggling with the alien gravity and altitude, but
with the knowledge that there is more hidden in the depths of his mind
that he can't yet access. The reader sees what Krieg sees, interpreted
through his eyes, which adds color to the narrative -- for example,
the movements reminding him of birds from home. This personalizes the
narrative instead of the paragraphs merely being constructs to dole
information. Because this chapter is in tight third person, drawing in
the reader through such description creates identification with the
viewpoint character, so when the "bad thing" happens to him at the end
it has more impact. People always see their surroundings from a very
personal perspective or frame of reference; take advantage of this if
you write in a tight point of view.
Be careful of line separations and use of pronouns:
Krieg managed to stand upright. His breath came in ragged sobs.
The guide handed him a flask of Firewine. He drank, some of the
harsh liquor spilling. He wiped his chin. "How high are we?" he
rasped.
"5,000 meters. The original colonists called this valley
Shangri-la after an old Earth legend." Krieg grimaced, recalling
the story of the first colony and the discovery of meythalon from
the quechuatl leaves. "I suppose unlimited meythalon would make
you feel life was perfect."
The first paragraph has very short sentences; these can be used
effectively for the rhythm and flow of the narrative, especially in
action scenes, but here it holds a stilted quality. Consider: The
guide handed him a flask of Firewine and he drank, some of the harsh
liquor spilling. He wiped his chin. "How high are we?"
You don't really need the last dialogue tag, as it's implicit. Read
aloud when you can to test the flow of the sentences and see which
words might be repeated too often. Axe or change them. In the second
paragraph, be careful which lines are attributed to which piece of
dialogue. The Shangri-La explanation is actually said by Meklos, but
because Krieg's reaction is on the same line, it seems like it's his.
Start a new paragraph for that. I'm not sure if this was merely a
posting mistake, but I thought to point it out anyway because it's a
common problem with action tags.
The very last couple lines are important in that they solidify the
impact of this chapter and propel the reader to the next one. The
punch was there but could be smoothed over even more:
Krieg made a supreme effort and turned his head to glance at
Meklos. The Rigellian removed a white wig and laid it beside him.
He rubbed his face with both hands. Krieg watched the skin roll
and flex, smooth into familiar features, now outlined clearly in a
halo of sunlight. He formed the word why with numb lips.
Meklos answered him, the words sonorous yet distinct. "I chose you
specifically. The Archivist told me your personality might not
withstand integration. Your guest will understand and thank me."
Meklos smiled and settled against the rocks. "Enjoy the view," he
said.
It's implicit that Meklos answers him, so you don't want to waste
words pointing out the obvious. At this stage, every word should
count. Consider removing "Meklos answered him" and beginning that last
bit with "The words were sonorous yet distinct." This way you can also
bring the very last line up to the previous one; there's not need for
separation as there is no change of character speaking. The last
paragraph then will read with flow without that subtle separation that
breaks it up.
In one fairly short chapter the writer was able to convey quite a bit
of information without once losing sight of interesting
characterization and world building details. From beginning to end
there was a sense of progression and at the last minute, the carpet
was pulled out from beneath the point of view character as well as the
reader. If the rest of the novel utilizes these "tricks" and manages
to hold the plot together then this would surely be an interesting and
accomplished read.
--Karin Lowachee
Author of BURNDIVE and CAGEBIRD
http://www.karinlowachee.com
Editor's Choice, Aug., SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:
THE GUERILLA SHOW CH. 1 by Chris Pasley
The author requested more broader comments on this chapter so I will
comply in the main. Jimmy Hilts is a recovered drug addict turned
corporate guerrilla, a little green or "rook" in the business, but
willing just the same. The chapter drops us in media res and steams
ahead from there. Jimmy and his undercover partner Jill sneak through
tunnels when Philadelphia is getting bombed above. The concept tagline
in the introduction -- "In the future, the revolution will be
syndicated" -- works wonderfully and I would expect to see it in an
epigraph in the beginning of the book somewhere or on backcopy, with
Guevara's quote accompanying. Both provide a proper introduction or
"take" on the story that follows and it immediately intrigued me. The
intersection of modern media and how news (or specifically war and
economic issues) is reported is an issue well worth exploring in the
metaphoric framework of speculative fiction.
Jimmy is likeable and rings true as a laid back "everyguy" who has
some direction but is just as willing to follow along with those who
might overpower him in personality. The parts where he remembers
interacting with his co-workers particularly sound real, from Henry's
oddly proud porn stash to Rupert's reverant drug talk. Even though
both latter characters are assumed obliterated by the attack, their
presence in the narrative adds color to Jimmy, our lead, and show us
that he is not as cut-and-dried in his commitment to the Cause as Jill
or Ernest, his revolutionary boss. Will this tendency be further
tested in the novel, to the point that he might have to betray his
comrades? That is just one of the questions lingering in the reader's
mind by the end of the chapter.
Now what IS the Cause? To upturn suspicious corporate behavior? They
spy on big business, it seems, but this is never made completely
clear. When Jimmy asks who it is that's attacking, Jill brushes it
off, which was odd to me, as well as her comment that she doesn't
concern herself with nations. Jimmy's retort is accurate: you can't
fight multinational companies and not be aware of the politics
involved. Considering she is the more experienced rebel, it seemed out
of character (extremely naive) for her to state that. I would like
this revolutionary cell's agenda to be more concrete. We don't have to
get political speeches (unless Jill or Ernest are the types to spout
revolutionary propaganda in provoked moments) but something a little
more grounded to show exactly what they are doing on a broad scale
would be good by the end of the chapter.
While I think the "drop in" in the middle of the action is a great way
to begin a novel (I'm of the school that people can pick up details as
they go along in the story), there does need to be a definite
grounding in PLACE if not politics right off the bat. Readers need to
be quickly situated on who is involved in the scene and where they
are. As it stands now, I didn't realize they were underground and in
tunnels until well into the chapter, therefore their environment was a
blank mass in my mind when I was trying to picture what was going on.
Your reader is already trying to acclimate themselves to a foreign
world and situation, so don't hide basic information that would help
them understand the narrative. Another thing that confused me right
off was the term "mobile access point." I had to read it, even in
context, a couple times before I realized it was a handheld device
used to record and send signals. The words together made me think of a
location of attack or breach, not a physical object. You want to do
away with ambiguity especially in the first paragraph of a novel and
the term itself seems cumbersome for the instrument itself.
The only places I saw really questionable dialogue were the
"infodumps" by Jill and Ernest recalling things of the past and
explaining them out loud. Jimmy's interiors (his memories) read
smoothly, but Jill and Ernest talking about Budapest and the bombings
or atrocities, respectively, didn't pass as natural sounding dialogue.
(The key in writing dialogue is to fake it. It should sound natural
even if the things the people are saying are orchestrated by the
writer for flow and information dissemination). There was too much of
the author's diction and voice in those sections that made the
retelling somewhat encyclopedic. One way to fix that is to break it
up, provide a more back-and-forth where neither Jill nor Ernest have
to speak in long sentences or paragraphs. When people speak they
rarely speechify. You can also break up those chunks by adding silent
reactions or thoughts from Jimmy, our tight third person
point-of-view. The language itself can just be looked at more closely,
perhaps read aloud so you can better spot the stiff or awkward
phrasing. Do those sentences sound natural coming from your own lips?
What happened to Jill beyond the fact they got separated? Even if we
don't find out until Chapter 2, I expected more thought on it from
Jimmy, since he seemed to truly care about her or at least admired
her. It was surprising and jarring that he was shoved into a new role
so quickly with just sleep to separate the damage in Philly from his
next objective in Florida. Is he not debriefed in any way or does that
come later when he finds his new home and settles in?
"The years may go by but porn's eternal. Only the mediums change."
These sloganesque observations all worked and made me laugh, even if
the narrative itself isn't humorous fiction. The voice was completely
engaging and the neologisms worked. This is a future I can believe in
and want to see more of as we discover what this revolution is
specifically about, and how Jimmy will react within it. Be careful of
environmental details -- don't breeze by them so quickly that the
reader loses their footing on where or how exactly things are
happening -- but keep up the steady pace. The chapter pulled along
with interest and didn't drag, balancing Jimmy's colorful interiors
with the action of the outside, but it wouldn't hurt to include a
couple lines here and there to flesh out this new world and the
characters' emotions and reactions to the action.
--Karin Lowachee
Author of BURNDIVE and CAGEBIRD
http://www.karinlowachee.com
Editor's Choice, July, Short Story:
"Eat Drink and Be Merry, for Yesterday You Died" by Rachel Swirsky
This story presents a funny, dark spin on two of my very favorite
subjects: marriage and the afterlife. Dennis, upon dying, finds
himself in the afterlife, in the middle of a party being thrown to
celebrate his arrival. The dead members of his family are there, and
so are various celebrities and historical figures. We're told that
there is another party being thrown elsewhere in the afterlife, for
someone who has died at exactly the same moment. Dennis flirts with
several blondes, one of them a cousin and an old flame, and then is
abandoned by most of the dead. Then old college friends show up and
both Dennis and the reader begin to understand that there is something
stranger and uglier going on than simply being dead.
The opening is engaging, the dialogue is strong throughout, and the
story moves deftly through a series of striking tonal shifts -- we get
slapstick comedy, black humor, creepy and surreal moments, to a
genuinely lovely, moving ending. In much the same way, we are allowed
to see very different versions of Dennis -- dead before forty, married
unhappily, and catapulted into a very freeform kind of otherworldly
existence -- reflected back to himself by family members, old friends,
by his absent and unforgiving wife. The story, which began as a
welcome home party thrown by the dead, moves towards abandonment and
unpleasant self-realizations, and then shifts again to take us
somewhere unexpected. The ending manages to be both joyful and
troubling at the same time, and that's a hard thing to pull off.
Having said all that, this story isn't quite working yet. The story
doesn't feel completely tethered to Dennis, the viewpoint character.
We get details that don't feel in his point of view, and in general,
the lack of physical description of anything other than people or food
begins to feel more irritating than usefully otherworldly. We need to
know a bit more about what the afterlife looks like, and the details
about the transformations the various dead partygoers go through feel
a bit heavy handed and overdone at the moment. Some of the dead begin
to engage in weird, orgy-like sexual behavior, but the way in which we
get these details is coyly piecemeal and disjointed to no good effect,
and more importantly we have no idea about how Dennis feels about this
-- is he turned on? Is he horrified? Fascinated? Afraid that these
aren't his friends after all, but rather something that only looks
like his friends? Dennis never asks any of the questions you'd expect
the recently dead to ask -- is there a God? Is this Heaven or Hell?
And, to his friends who make themselves look like lions or children or
pull their heads into their bodies: How do you do that? We're told, by
Dennis's friends, that he has always been self-centered, but perhaps
if he is too self-centered to ask these questions, they should mock
him for his lack of curiosity.
Some of the details of how death works aren't clear either. I don't
buy that it's unusual for two of the recently dead to show up
simultaneously. It's a big world, and people are always dying. Don't
try so hard to set up the ending, in which we're told that it's
Dennis's wife, Karen, who has died accidentally while murdering
Dennis, is at the other party. Just tell us that there are other
parties, and that something special is going on at one that Dennis
isn't allowed to go to. The detail that the celebrities are all at
Dennis's party because the other party (Karen's party) is for someone
whose death involved electricity is also clunky and feels unnecessary.
Why would celebrities dislike electricity? They spent their lives
bathed in it.
And why does Dennis assume, as all of the dead people abandon his
party, that he's being left behind somehow? How does he know that he's
trapped at his own party? Why doesn't he ask someone how to get
somewhere else? Or where he's supposed to go? Why does he assume that
he's stuck in some room in the afterlife, and there aren't any doors?
Why doesn't he explore? And why don't we get to see more of the room
where the party is happening?
Most important of all, I don't yet buy the simultaneous deaths of
Karen and Dennis. It ought to feel slapstick, but instead it just
seems unbelievable. Apparently the floor of Dennis's hospital room is
slick because the roof leaks? Really? And somehow she electrocutes
herself, even though she's unplugged Dennis's life support? And
previously she tried, unsuccessfully, to kill Dennis, a diabetic, by
giving him a big glass of sugar water? I think that the difficulty
here is one of suspension of disbelief -- the living world just
doesn't seem anymore real than the afterlife. In fact, it seems less
real, less believable. Make the two deaths a lot simpler -- still
grotesque and bloody, if you like, but not so farcical. And then give
us slightly more details from Dennis's POV about his wife. So the
reader can decide for herself whether or not Dennis had any real idea
of the person he married.
Along the same lines, it's a little weird that all of Dennis and
Karen's college friends are dead so young. We probably need to know
how they died.
One of the first people Dennis encounters in his afterlife is his
cousin Melanie. She comes back at the end and takes Dennis someplace
much better, even if, like the ex-girlfriend who seduced his Uncle Ed
after his death, she's planning to eventually abandon him. But she's
too broadly, comically drawn the first time we meet her. When Uncle
Ed, her father, tells Dennis offhandedly that at the last party she
was sucking off President Garfield, it's a bit much. I'd cut some of
the funny, crude descriptions. It doesn't suit the story, and it
undercuts that lovely ending.
Some line edits:
"When Dennis died, his brain winked out of life and reappeared in
another place. Dead people came at him with party hats and presents.
Noise makers bleated. Confetti fell. It felt like the most natural
thing in the world."
This is a great opening paragraph, all except for the kind of clunky
"his brain winked out of life and reappeared in another place. How
about "When Dennis died, he found himself in another place."
"... he couldn't get a fix on the room. Things in the foreground came
in distinct -- but he couldn't make out anything he didn't focus on.
It faded into shadows at the corners of his eyes."
This description is vague in a way that doesn't work. What things come
in distinct? What is "it" that fades into shadows, and why are the
shadows at the corners of his eyes?
When Dennis says to Melanie, "Am I an asshole for having a good job or
dumping you while I had it?" what does he mean? I thought they fooled
around when they were kids. When did he have a good job while going
out with Melanie?
Watch out for paragraphs like this one: "Wilda laughed so hard she
slapped her knees. Dennis flinched, only marginally interested in the
way her breasts swung as she leaned forward. It was one of the things
Karen was always saying to him: You have to watch how you present
yourself. You'll never get promoted if you come off so clueless. She'd
sigh and ruffle his hair, the same expression on her face as when she
had to deal with her Alzheimer's father who'd forgotten how to feed
himself."
There's too much going on above, and too much cutting from person to
person, from present action to remembered action. And how is how
Dennis presents himself connected to Dennis being interested in
Wilda's breasts? Finally, that last sentence is much too packed. There
are similar difficulties in the next two paragraphs:
"Won't you stay?" Dennis edged toward Wilda. Her breath stank. He
touched her arm, lightly, smiling enough to show his teeth. She pulled
back. Dennis turned to Hector, spreading his hands in appeal. "We
haven't really gotten to talk. Like, what do you do all the time?
What's it like being dead? These are things I've got to know."
and
"Dennis took the glass. Wilda and Hector turned, linking arms. Rick
lingered for a second. He opened his mouth. Dennis had the sense he
was being spoken to, but nothing came out. Dennis's skin prickled.
Rick rushed after Wilda and Hector, reaching around Wilda's waist to
take his twin's hand, their fingers meshing just above the
stewardess's rear."
Part of the problem with these passages is that we're being told a lot
about various small actions of various characters, when what really
matters is what Dennis is thinking about. Is he thinking, Don't leave
me? Or is he thinking that Hector looked as if he might be more
sympathetic than Wilda? Is he wondering how someone like Hector got a
girl like Wilda? Stay in his POV.
Look out for details that are more clunky than they are telling: "Ed
nodded rhythmically, lips pursed together in that 'ayep, I heard you'
expression that members of his generation had been so good at."
And look out for sentences that are too crammed to read coherently:
"Her expression looked so genuine and sweet that Dennis felt the panic
that had gripped his chest since he'd finally admitted Karen's name
begin to lessen."
And don't' write sentences like this!: "The image of Pam's college
body hovered before Dennis's mental eye..."
I'd like to point out some really lovely details and passages as well:
For example, the silent member of the trio who stop to talk to Dennis:
"My brother was a voice actor when we were alive," said Hector. "I
suspect he's taking a vacation." I also love the idea of the dusties,
the ancient dead, who dread electricity, which the more recent dead
have brought with them.
I also love this description of the party after the dead begin to
leave: "Dennis pulled himself up and wandered through the lonely
space. Empty glasses and Solo cups lay scattered, leaking sticky
puddles of alcohol onto the floor. Crumbs and shredded napkins settled
like snow. Dead people were messy."
And this description of death: "Death had started to feel like that
birthday when you walk through the whole day hoping someone will
remember, and no one does. Only finally his friends had jumped out
from the couch to surprise him with a sheet cake."
Towards the end of the story, the writing really gets gorgeous:
"For a moment, Melanie was all the women Dennis had ever wanted, all
those big-titted blondes. Wilda and Pam and Karen and Susie and the
hotel clerk who seduced him by licking her cigarette as she smoked it
in long, heavy gulps, and even the nurse at the free clinic who gave
him his first physical when he was four years old, the one who made
him take off all his clothes while she was still in the room and then
grabbed his balls and told him, "These'll be the crown jewels of some
lady's collection someday." Dennis remembered the mornings when he and
Melanie had been youngsters when Melanie would turn up on his porch
after a hard night of drinking and convince him to go out and paint
the cows purple or go steal condoms and aftershave from the drugstore.
The same mischief infected her pose now: her quirked smile, thrown
back shoulders, restless fingers."
Although I wonder if Dennis would really use the word "youngsters."
And, as I said, this ending is really gorgeous. Even if Melanie
abandons Dennis soon afterwards, there's real consolation in the
loveliness of this longed-for moment:
"Someday, they'd stop. Someday, they'd fall exhausted to the
ground and sleep curled up together in the dirt. Someday, they'd
pass into town where Dennis's father worked on building the frame
for Perkins family's new house and Uncle Ed stood in front of the
drugstore, sipping lemonade. Someday, they might even run straight
through the universe all the way back to the weird land of death
to chat with Descartes about the best way to keep mosquitoes off
in summer.
For now, their feet beat like drums on the soil. Wind reddened
Dennis's ears. Melanie's hair flew in his face. It tickled,
prickled. He tugged her east to chase a crow circling above the
horizon. Behind them, the wind swept through fields the size of
eternity."
Good luck rewriting this.
--Kelly Link
Editor of TRAMPOLINE and co-editor of YEAR'S BEST FANTASY & HORROR
http://www.kellylink.net/
Editor's Choice, Aug., Short Story:
"The Weeping Pool" -- Part 1 by Eric Lowe
Review coming soon, to follow the newsletter.
Editor's Choice, July, Horror:
"What You Wish For" by Nancy Nivling
While stories about body swaps have been around for quite a while,
this one has a lovely and emotional twist. Jess and Melanie, two
sisters, attempt suicide on the same night, and for some reason they
switch bodies. This leaves Melanie trapped in Jess's overweight,
comatose body. On the other hand, Jess, in Melanie's thin body,
vomits up the pills Melanie took and survives with little negative
effect. The story follows Jess as she despairs at her failed suicide,
begins to embrace Melanie's life, kills her own body to avoid
switching back, and discovers Melanie has now inhabited her mother's
body.
The story opens very strongly, commanding my attention. I really
enjoy the first three paragraphs, which avoid cliches and
sentimentality. Jess's realization that Melanie has also attempted
suicide is powerful and feels emotionally very real -- Jess believes
she's the only one who's ever suffered and Melanie has never been
miserable a day in her life. Yet, of course, this isn't true.
Another strong moment occurs when Jess looks in her mother's medicine
cabinet and realizes her mother -- whom Jess has always thought a
histrionic personality -- actually has serious medical problems. The
theme that we can often be blind to those closest to us, with the
truth hitting us at the most unexpected moments, comes across well.
I think the biggest weakness in the story is the plot. You have a
great, fresh idea. But it seems like you haven't yet figured out what
to do with the idea, how to develop it. Many stories have this
problem. The author has the idea and dives into the writing without
realizing he doesn't yet know what story he's trying to tell. The
weakness of the plot becomes most apparent at the end, which feels
very much the standard ending -- a new body swap, with the murderer
confronted by her victim, facing justice. You're sensing you need to
give us a twist, because that's what horror stories usually do, but
the twist doesn't feel inevitable; instead, it feels imposed by the
author. Also, the twist just doesn't feel like the right twist for
this story, so it doesn't satisfy the reader or supply closure. Your
story isn't about Jess being unable to escape Melanie. It isn't about
the evil Jess finally facing her comeuppance.
What is the story about? I think, in part, it's about how one person
can be blind to the unhappiness in another person's life, believing
the grass is always greener for others. But I think the central
question the story raises is whether a better job and a thinner body
can make a chronically depressed person into a happy person. The
story hints that the answer is yes, though I'm not convinced of that
by what you show me. Instead of staying focused on answering this
question, the story drops the issue to focus on supernatural twists
(Jess feeling her hold on Melissa's body weakening, Melissa shifting
to her mother's body). These twists don't arise out of a strong
causal chain of events; they occur randomly, meaning they occur when
the author makes them occur, which gives the plot a manipulated,
dissatisfying feeling. But more than that, these twists leave us
without a strong answer to the issues you so skillfully raised early
in the story.
What is your answer to this question? Is the story about a depressed,
overweight woman who gets a thin body and a better job and finds that
these things lead to happiness? Or is it about a depressed,
overweight woman who gets a thin body and a better job and finds that,
ultimately, she's no happier, because she can't escape herself? Or is
it about a depressed, overweight woman who gets a thin body and a
better job and realizes that these things carry their own sadnesses
with them and finally comes to understand her sister in death, when
she never understood her in life?
Any of these answers could make a compelling story, but you need to
choose one and focus your plot around showing that.
I'd like to briefly mention two other points. A grammatical problem
that occurs throughout the story is the incorrect use of participial
phrases. On p. 2, you write, "Lurching to my feet, I raced to the
bathroom, flinging the toilet seat up about two seconds before I
started puking." This sentence has three parts: an initial
participial phrase -- which you can often spot by the -ing verb
("Lurching to my feet"), the main clause with the subject and
predicate ("I raced to the bathroom"), and a final participial phrase
("flinging the toilet seat up about two seconds before I started
puking"). When you use a participial phrase, you are saying that the
action that occurs in the participial phrase occurs simultaneously
with the main action of the sentence. In this case, you are claiming
that the lurching, racing, and flinging all happen at once. This is
impossible. The lurching must occur first, then the racing, and then
the flinging. These are consecutive acts, not simultaneous ones. So
using participial phrases is incorrect.
One final point is that the use of "I" sometimes becomes overwhelming.
Both filtering and telling contribute to this problem. If you cut
down on those, you should be able to reduce the number of times you
use "I."
As I said at the beginning, I feel you have a very strong, original
idea here, some powerful and believable emotional elements, and a good
opening. I hope my comments help you to strengthen the plot and convey
the theme you want to convey.
--Jeanne Cavelos
Editor of THE MANY FACES OF VAN HELSING and author of INVOKING DARKNESS
http://www.odysseyworkshop.org
Editor's Choice, Aug., Horror:
"Furnace Room Lullaby" by Leah Bobet
This haunted house story has nice, fresh elements and compelling
details that keep me interested and engaged throughout. Isabelle's
house has a haunted furnace, which breaks down every year. The story
provides some great details about the sounds of the furnace following
Isabelle from room to room. When the furnace man comes to repair it,
we get an interesting description of his gaze "dropping to just above
her shoulder, that safe zone a gaze flees to when it feels followed,
awkward, haunted." These details really put us in the house and make
us feel the presence of the supernatural. Near the end of the story,
we learn the haunting spirit is Isabelle's lover, whom she killed and
burned in the furnace, and that his heart still remains: "His heart
burns orange-red in the grate, spattering like water pressed between a
pot-bottom and the stove. His heart hisses and shivers with a beat
close to hers." This strong image escalates the tension as we reach
the climax. I also really like the way that Isabelle calls ghosts
"metaphors for guilt," bringing a psychological layer to the story.
I feel the story has two main weaknesses. First, the plot has a weak
causal chain. Two major changes occur during the story: the cellar
floor under Isabelle's feet changes from hot to cold, reflecting some
change in the ghost, and Isabelle decides to replace the furnace.
Neither change has a strong trigger. Why is this happening on this
day? I don't know. This makes the plot feel manipulated by the
author.
The second weakness, which I'd like to discuss in a bit more depth,
involves weak or inappropriate word choices. In discussing stories,
we often talk about issues of plot, character, or setting -- these are
the elements that should usually be receiving the most attention from
readers. Yet all the elements of the story are created from words,
and their success rises or falls on the strength of each word chosen.
This story has some strong writing but also some weak writing. Weak
word choices create confusion, send mixed signals, and undermine the
reader's faith in the author. In a story of the supernatural, the
reader is often experiencing things he's never experienced before, so
it's critical that these experiences are described precisely. Too
often, as writers, we gloss over the individual words and focus on
"bigger" issues.
Here are some examples:
* "plaster that weeps moisture in the summer that plinks into her
hundred dented pots, a rainstorm of fifty-two sunny breezy days."
Weeping moisture is cool, but it's not a rainstorm.
* "Every year on the year the old furnace breaks" Doesn't make sense.
* "breath ragged as the broken furnace fumes." Fumes can't really be
ragged. Also, this the first mention of fumes, broken or otherwise,
so the simile seems forced.
* "There's a flyer in the mailbox. . . . Silvery electric models
glimmer in happy homes on glossy pages. . . . In the morning the
pamphlet is gone." A flyer is a single page. A pamphlet is different
than a flyer. A single object is being described in three
contradictory ways.
* "She dreams of the body limp between her fingers." Sounds like the
entire body fits in her hand, which makes me think of something the
size of a mouse or at most a cat, not a human.
* "She puts on her workboots. . . . She . . . kicks the body of the
furnace with her pointed-toe boot." Workboots generally don't have
pointed toes. You are describing two different kinds of boots.
* "There's a hallelujah chorus in the attic five seconds later." Seems
exaggerated.
If these two weak areas are addressed, I think the story can be
strong, vivid, and involving. I hope this helps.
--Jeanne Cavelos
Editor of THE MANY FACES OF VAN HELSING and author of INVOKING DARKNESS
http://www.odysseyworkshop.org
| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews. After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!
If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, use our online honor-roll nomination form
-- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor
Roll page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
Your nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar
month.
The Honor Roll will show all September nominations beginning October 1.
Meanwhile, here are two advance highlights from this month:
Reviewer: kit davis
Submission: Hard Running Volume I the Elf Horse
Submitted by: Adrian Krag
Nominator's Comments: I have learned more from reading this review
than from years of writing. I cannot sufficiently express my
appreciation for the effort the Kit put into this. Thanks Adrian
Reviewer: Satima Flavell
Submission: Game of Souls, Chapter 3, scene 4 -- Rofin's Secret
by Anja Vogel
Submitted by: Anja Vogel
Nominator's Comments: Satima has been one of my most faithful
reviewers; she's been with me for about 12 submissions now, not
missing a one! She also answers questions via email. In this review,
she tells me a hard truth, but in a friendly enough manner that I
didn't break out in tears. Thanks, Satima.
Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during July and August include:
Steve Beytenbrod, Hugh Beyer, Ruv Draba (2), cathy freeze, Crash
Froelich, Alisa Goode, Barbara Gordon, Patty Jansen, Karen Kobylarz,
Sandra Panicucci, Larry Pinaire, Darrell Pitt, Anja Vogel (3), and
Alan White.
We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in August can be still found through September 30 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml
| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.
OWW Member Sales and Publications:
Nigel Atkinson's short story "Ravening Alien Monsters" is in the July
2006 issue of _Jupiter SF_ (http://www.jupitersf.co.uk/).
Tom Barlow sold "Call Me Mr. Positive" to _Intergalactic Medicine
Show_. It's his first pro sale. Congratulations!
Elizabeth Bear sold "War Stories" to _Baen's Universe_. She said,
simply, "woot!"
Leah Bobet wrote us a long note on the eve of the newsletter. She
says: "Busy month over here; first off, 'Deer's Heart' placed second
in the twelfth annual _Chiaroscuro_ Short Story Contest after a tie
for first place which meant both stories went to Neil Gaiman for
tie-breaking judging. It'll appear in the October issue, and thanks go
to Jaime Voss, Liz Bourke, and Amanda Downum for the critiques that
made it work and got it in on deadline. I sold two more poems this
month: 'Full Fathom Five' to _Strange Horizons_
(http://www.strangehorizons.com), and 'Letters to Papa' to MYTHIC II,
an anthology edited by Mike Allen. Thanks to Jaime Voss for
critiquing both. Two poems were also published this month: 'Coffee
Date' in the August web issue of _Cabinet des Fees_, and 'To Her
Mother' in _Strange Horizons_ (http://www.strangehorizons.com). And
finally, 'They Fight Crime!', which appeared in _Strange Horizons_
last October, got an honourable mention in this year's YEAR'S BEST
FANTASY AND HORROR, while "Bliss," from last year's Winter issue of
_On Spec_, got an honourable mention in the Dozois YEAR'S BEST SCIENCE
FICTION, and the reprint of the same story in Rich Horton's SCIENCE
FICTION: THE BEST OF THE YEAR 2006 got a favourable review from
_Publishers Weekly_. So yeah, we'll call it a -really- good month for
external validation." Heck yeah! But we already knew you rocked. ;)
Hannah Bowen's "Tin Cup Heart" appears in the latest issue of
_Ideomancer_ (http://www.ideomancer.com).
Amanda Downum has had an amazing month too! She sold "The Salvation
Game" to _Fantasy_. _Strange Horizons_
(http://www.strangehorizons.com) is buying her EC story "Smoke &
Mirrors." For that one she sends a "Thank you to Elizabeth Bear, Jaime
Voss, Aimee Poynter, and Erzebet Yellowboy (and anyone else I may be
forgetting) for their crits, and to Kelly Link for the EC."
_Ideomancer_ (http://www.ideomancer.com) bought her workshopped story
"The Garden, The Moon, The Wall." She sends her thanks for that one
to Leah Bobet and Jaime Voss for their crits, "and to Amber van Dyk
for its namesake bracelet."
Charles Coleman Finlay's Maggot novella, "Abandon the Ruins," appears
in the Oct/Nov issue of _F&SF_. He thanks all the reviewers who
picked apart the plot and pacing problems when it was posted on the
workshop.
Ejner Fulsang's novel A DESTINY OF FOOLS, which was an OWW EC pick in
June 2004 and a Finalist in the 2006 Florida First Coast Writers
Festival, will be released in November by Arhus Publishing. To read
more about it, see Ejner's Web site at
http://www.ejnerfulsang.com/authordirect.html
Rayne Hall asks "May I brag a bit? I've sold nineteen -- yes, that's
nineteen -- stories in nine months! Most of them are in the horror
genre, some are fantasy or cross-genre. Several of them were
workshopped at OWW: 'The Wreck of the Pandora' for which I received
wonderful help here (thanks especially to the divers who helped with
underwater atmosphere and technical stuff -- it made a real
difference) sold to _Byzarium_. _Nocturnal Ooze_ bought 'Seagulls'
and 'Night Train'. _The Deepening_ bought 'Marked with a Feather'
(workshopped as 'White Feather'). Maniac Press has accepted "The Devil
Eats Here" for the FAST FOOD FRENZY horror anthology. I'm very
grateful to all the OWWers who helped me polish those stories." Um,
yeah, we _guess_ you can brag. ;)
Vylar Kaftan sold her story "Lydia's Body" to _Clarkesworld_ for their
November issue. She says, "I appreciate the helpful critiques I got
from OWW members!"
In the past month, Heidi Kneale has sold her story "Woman and the
Moon" to _Borderlands_, and her articles "Got Filk" to _The Internet
Review of Science Fiction_ and "Where's the Sci-Fi" to the inaugural
issue of _Heliotrope_.
Tara Maya made her first sale... twice! She sold her first short
story, "Drawn to the Brink," to the anthology WOMANSCAPES. And under
the psuedonym Vashti Valiant, she sold an erotica fantasy novel titled
SLAVE OF THE GOBLIN to Ellora's Cave.
Michael Merriam has two sales to report! His novelette "The Siege at
Harnlow" has sold to _Gryphonwood_, and his short story "The
Foundling" will appear in the next issue of _Chaos Theory: Tales
Askew_. Michael would like to thank Chris Murphy, James Lemacks, and
John Schoffstall for their reviews of "The Foundling."
Nancy Nivling sold her "You Broke It, You Bought It" to _RAGEmag_ for
their July/Aug issue (http://www.lulu.com/content/390871) and "What
You Wish For" to _RAGEmag_ for their Nov/Dec issue.
Marsha Sisolak sold her ded Charley challenge story to _Farthing_. She
sends "thanks to Charlie, Michael Keyton, Heidi Kneale, Matt Horgan,
Debbie Smith, and Linda Dicmanis for the early crits on the 'orkshop!
They certainly shaped the second draft. And thanks to Jaime Voss, Leah
Bobet, and David Haseman for the second looks. You all ROCK!" She
added a big "WOO CHALLENGES!"
Tracey Stewart sold her story "Caswell" to issue 2 of _Trail of
Indiscretion_. It was critiqued twice on OWW under the title "Area
52." She sends out special thanks to reviewers Walter Williams, Helen
Mazarakis, Leo Korogodski, Pamela O'Brien, Hazel Davis, Roger McCook,
Robert Haynes, Seth Daniel McNally, John Judd, Darrell Newton, Stephen
Fennessey, Brenta Blevins, and Miki Garrison.
Rachel Swirsky sold her story "Undocumented" to _Fantasy_.
Amber van Dyk sold "Disquiet" to _Fantasy_. She sends out thanks, "as
it was read by a bunch of folks!"
Larisa Walk sold "The Dreaming Mind Knows" to the Simian Publishing
anthology INTO THE DREAMLANDS. She says, "This one hasn't been
workshopped, but participating in the workshop was an essential part
of making it publishable."
Jeremy Yoder informs us that The Star Trek STRANGE NEW WORLDS 9
anthology is now available. "For any ST buffs of the original series,
my story 'The Smallest Choices' centers around Spock and his childhood
sweetheart T'Pring, over a century after the classic episode 'Amok
Time.' And if you understood all that... then you're a geek. ;)"
We're thinking Jeremy is the first OWWer with a pro sale for a media
tie-in.
| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
Number of members as of 9/17: 592 paying, 53 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 408
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews: 60.78 %
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 6.86 %
Average reviews per submission (all submissions): 4.66
Estimated average review word count (all submissions): 658.95
Number of submissions in July: 237
Number of reviews in July: 964
Ratio of reviews/submissions in July: 4.07
Estimated average word count per review in July: 817.11
Number of submissions in August: 255
Number of reviews in August: 925
Ratio of reviews/submissions in August: 3.63
Estimated average word count per review in August: 786.54
Number of submissions in September to date (9/17): 143
Number of reviews in September to date: 499
Ratio of reviews/submissions in September to date: 3.49
Estimated average word count per review in September to date: 791.37
Total number of under-reviewed submissions: 104 (25.4%)
Number over 3 days old with 0 reviews: 13
Number over 1 week old with under 2 reviews: 30
Number over 2 weeks old with under 3 reviews: 61
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