THE WORKSHOP NEWSLETTER

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O | The Online Writing Workshop for SF, F & H Newsletter, October 2006
W | http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
W | Become a better writer!

| - - CONTENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

- Workshop News:
        November writing challenge
        New Odyssey critique service
        Membership payment information
- Editors' Choices for September 2006 submissions
- Reviewer Honor Roll
- Publication Announcements
- Workshop Statistics
- Tips & Feedback


| - - WORKSHOP NEWS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

Congratulations this month to the OWWer who won first place in the 2nd
Quarter of the Writers of the Future contest!  Who is it?  You'll have
to read the Publication Announcements to find out.  Two OWWers in the
past four years have been the WotF Grand Prize winners -- John
Schoffstall in 2005 and Dylan Otto Krider in 2002 -- and other OWWers,
like Brad Beaulieu, have placed high in the contest as well.  This is
becoming something of a tradition.


NOVEMBER WRITING CHALLENGE

It was the night before deadline
And all through the zoo
Not a challenge was stirring
From some points of view...

This month is a point-of-view challenge.  Describe the same event or
scene or story from the POVs of three different characters.  Bonus
points if one of them isn't human. Like, for Americans, telling the
story of the first Thanksgiving from the POV of the pilgrims, the
Indians, and the turkeys. Each new POV should add something to the
reader's perception of the story that the previous POV character didn't
see.  When all three POVs are finished, the reader should have the
whole story that none of the characters have.

Remember: These are supposed to be fun, but don't forget to stretch
yourself. If you normally write fantasy, try SF. If you've never tried
space opera, here's your chance. It doesn't have to be great. It's all
about trying new things. There's no word limit, no time limit, no
nothin'. Just have fun. :)

Please don't post your challenge pieces to the workshop until November
1st. Include "November Challenge" in your title so you can show off how
fancy you are to all your friends.

For more details on the challenges, check the OWW Writer Space at
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/tiki/tiki-index.php?page=Challenges


NEW ODYSSEY CRITIQUE SERVICE

The Odyssey Writing Workshop, directed by OWW Resident Editor for
Horror Jeanne Cavelos, now offers the Odyssey Critique Service.

Since the Odyssey Writing Workshop was established in 1996, requests
have poured in from writers unable to attend the intensive, six-week
program.  People have asked for critiques on their application stories
so they can improve them for next year; they've asked to come for part
of the workshop; they've asked for a shorter workshop; they've asked to
participate in the workshop via the Internet--in short, they've asked
for some way to get help with their writing.

Workshop director Jeanne Cavelos explains, "The mission of Odyssey is
to help developing writers of fantasy, science fiction, and horror
improve their work.  I've been searching for the best way to extend
that help beyond the sixteen people who attend Odyssey each summer.  To
that end, we've created the Odyssey Critique Service."

The Odyssey Critique Service provides authors with professional-level
feedback in accordance with Odyssey principles and with the
thoroughness and depth for which Odyssey is known.

Authors can submit several pieces of their writing.  They will receive
detailed feedback on each piece, plus an overall assessment of their
writing, including strengths and weaknesses that appear repeatedly in
their work, and specific suggestions for improving those weak areas.
Novelists may submit several chapters or even an entire novel.

All submissions are read by critiquers who have graduated from Odyssey
and become successful professional writers. They include Carrie Vaughn,
Theodora Goss, and Barbara Campbell.

A portion of all proceeds from the critique service goes to support
Odyssey, to help keep the workshop alive and keep tuition costs down.
For more details, visit http://www.odysseyworkshop.org/crit.html, call
(603) 673-6234, or e-mail jcavelos@sff.net.


MEMBERSHIP PAYMENT INFORMATION

How to pay: In the U.S., you can pay by PayPal or send us a check or
money order. Outside of the U.S., you can pay via PayPal (though
international memberships incur a small set-up fee); pay via Kagi
(www.kagi.com--easier for non-U.S. people); send us a check in U.S.
dollars drawn on a U.S. bank (many banks can do this for you for a
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and some post offices).  If none of those options work for you, you
can send us U.S. dollars through the mail if you choose, or contact us
about barter if you have interesting goods to barter (not services).

Scholarship fund and gift memberships: you can give a gift membership
for another member; just send us a payment by whatever method you
like, noting who the membership is for and specifying whether the gift
is anonymous or not.  We will acknowledge receipt to you and the
member.  Or you can donate to our scholarship fund, which we use to
fully or partially cover the costs of an initial paying membership for
certain active, review-contributing members whose situations do not
allow them to pay the full membership fee themselves.

Bonus payments: The workshop costs only 94 cents per week, but we know
that many members feel that it's worth much more to them.  So here's
your chance to award us with a bonus on top of your membership fee.
For example, is the workshop worth five dollars a month to you? Award
us a $11 bonus along with your $49 membership fee. 25% of any bonus
payments we receive will go to our support staff, sort of like a tip
for good personal service. The rest will be tucked away to lengthen
the shoestring that is our budget and keep us running!

For more information:
Payments: http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships.shtml
Bonus payments and information about our company:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/bonuspayments.shtml
Price comparisons:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/memberships_comparison.shtml


| - - EDITORS' CHOICES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous
month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of
our Resident Editors.  Submissions in four categories -- SF, F,
horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be
educational for others as well as the author.

Reviews are written by our Resident Editors, award-winning authors and
instructors Jeanne Cavelos, Karin Lowachee, and Kelly Link, and by
experienced science-fiction and fantasy editor Jenni Smith-Gaynor. The
last four months of Editors' Choices and their editorial reviews are
archived on the workshop.  Go to the "Read, Rate, Review" page and
click on "Editors' Choices."

Congratulations to the current Editors' Choice authors!

Editor's Choice, September, Fantasy Chapter/Partial Chapter:
THE ORDELIGHT: PROLOGUE AND CHAPTER 1 by Oliver Benedict Townsend

Oliver Bendedict Townsend's prologue and chapter one of THE ORDELIGHT
is a nice beginning to a classic type of fantasy novel. The fey are at
war with humans; they are supernatural and can be fought, but mortal
men, women, and children are often at their mercy. I really enjoy this
type of fantasy with its folklore influence and larger-than-life
characters. I am not fond of prologues that are not ancillary to the
opening chapter, and without seeing the whole novel, feel that the
first chapter -- with some prudent additions -- is a strong enough
hook without the prologue.

The first chapter opens with a cursed knight-errant walking through
the streets of a burh (a fortified town or hillfort) girding itself
against a fey attack. Jem Neele was cursed invisible by a sorceress on
one of his adventures thirteen years ago. He had been "the finest
knight in Aleon and famous victor of fifty tourneys. He had been
beloved of a beauty and favoured of the king" but is now "a broken,
poverty-stricken man left with only his sword." He wanders the streets
of this burh without aim, and as the ward torches are blown out -- an
event that hasn't happened in the time Jem has lived in this
particular place -- the fighting men prepare themselves to repel the
attack. An old witch has "a few herbs and potions that could bind
lesser fey, even bless the local burh," but Jem is not convinced she
can do much against a fullscale "feyraid." He can be killed by the fey
and takes up the defense hoping his death would bring back some honor.
When the goblins attack, he fights and kills some, but the goblins
carry cobwebbed weapons. The cobwebs numb the body, and Jem is almost
overcome. Drawing upon ancient tales, the witch sings songs to drive
back the goblins, but it's not enough. Jem rushes an attacking group
and saves the witch, but he and she are unable to save the town. The
chapter ends with them hearing the cries of children, who are being
taken as slaves for the Goblin King.

One of the things I really liked about this first chapter was the
setting -- a fortified town readying itself for some unknown attack. I
could really see the wind whipping the purple torchlights, but I'd
like to feel it or smell it -- what type of wind is able to blowout
purple wardtorches? Other details can help the reader ground
themselves into the place -- is it a well-build burh or something
thrown up in a hurry by peasants? What does the dirt hill actually
look like? Is it raw earth or covered in moss, grass, or other
greenery? I'd like to see more details of the homes, the people, and
Jem himself, especially as a means to place this story in a fictional
time. By the use of "burh" and "fyrdsmen" (a peasant militia), I'm
assuming this novel is set in medieval times (or based in medieval
times), but I don't really see that yet. Make the reader see what the
writer sees rather than assuming or guessing. Fantasy novels aren't
historical, although they can draw on history. The difference is what
the writer uses and how the writer weaves it into the plot and
character arcs.

Jem is a knight-errant who has been moving from town to town since he
was cursed, but I don't see why. Is he searching for a banishment of
his curse? If he is invisible to others, why is he penniless? He could
just take sustenance and sleep wherever he wants without harm. Clarify
this conflict, because I think the isolation can be a great
characterization. Townsend writes that Jem feels violent towards a
watchman, who turns towards him but doesn't see him -- "It seemed the
only way he could channel the frustration bound within him," but in
the end, Jem is too much the chivalrous knight to take action. I
wanted some more clarification of this -- he obviously feels
frustrated by this curse, but he's been invisible for thirteen years.
Some spark of hope might kindle once in awhile, but there's no
indication Jem would continually leap towards hope again and again. If
Jem is to be the main protag, I'd like to see more of his story, feel
more empathy or sympathy for his situation. He seems to be an
honorable type -- draws his sword to help defend the townspeople from
the attacking goblins -- but right now, I'm not connecting with him.

The prologue is a nice setup for a history, but not particularly
compelling. Weave the details of the land and customs into the story
and connect it to the plot -- why should the main protag need to know
that during the rains, the farmers come into the burh? What are the
burh's guarding? What are they defenses from? I think a lot of this
type of information is background for the writer, but unless it
connects Jem and the reader to the current action or theme of the
novel, I don't feel it's necessary for the opening of this novel. It
could be worked in later exposition as the plot unfolds and the
overarching plot is revealed.

Should Townsend decide to stay with the prologue, there has to be more
to it -- I'm not compelled by either the situation or the king's
conflict because I don't yet know enough about the place or conflict
to feel any sympathy. The details of the lands and custom don't feel
vital to me if the king's loss is his third child, a debt repaid. The
enchantress who comes to collect the debt is the king's family
protector, so is she a threat or merely a supernatural entity who has
involved herself with mortals? There are too many questions and not
enough groundwork here to create any impact. Instead of the king's
debt, what about the ongoing fey attacks? How is the king and his
family tied to the fey, or if they are not directly connected, how is
the fey attack in chapter one tied to the Rivermistress of the
prologue?

Overall, this isn't a bad opening. I would strengthen Jem's story and
make the reader feel some empathy or sympathy for his situation so
that when he decides to sacrifice himself for the strangers of the
burh, the reader gets the most impact out of that decision. The pace
of the goblin attack is pretty good, and can be stretched out some --
the ending feels abrupt and expected. Work on the witch's character
some more -- I don't get a detailed image of her voice and demeanor,
how the other people in the burh react to her (could be useful to
establish how much this culture values its "cunning-women"). Let's see
some more grounding details of the burh itself--the fyrdsmen seem
awfully organized in gathering against the attackers and yet those
unable to fight still cling to superstitious flowers as protection.
How well trained are the fyrdsmen and how much do they know of the fey
they're fighting? Really set us down in the middle of this culture and
story so we can be swept up in the events.

--Jenni Smith-Gaynor
Former editor, Del Rey Books


Editor's Choice, September, SF Chapter/Partial Chapter:
A JOURNAL OF TRUE EVENTS -- CHAPTERS 8 AND 9 by Frank Duff

This was another month of fantastic submissions, making it difficult
to select just one. But in choosing this month's I was reminded of the
potential of speculative fiction, not just in pushing boundaries
within actual stories or ideas, but in experimenting with form and
voice. It's risky to change things up, whether it's in point of view,
structure, characterization.  But taking these risks breathes life
into new books and makes the genre evolve. Many of us may write space
opera, alien encounters, cyberpunk or other familiar derivations
within the genre, but just because the tropes may be used time and
again doesn't mean there aren't fresh ways of approaching things.

So this month I want to emphasize the importance of *originality of
approach.* If you write a story about a space battleship in an alien
war, does it really need to begin on the bridge with the captain, a
scene we have seen a million times both in books and in movies? Be
conscious of wanting your story to stand out in some way, to make
whoever reads it think to themselves: well this is different (in a
good way!). Science fiction is a genre of new ideas, in its broadest
sense. Be new -- in plot, story, characterization, structure, point of
view or whatever the case may be. Don't make the reader wait to
discover what might be different in your book. An editor and some
readers won't give you 50 pages to establish yourselves; you have to
catch them in the first five. This doesn't mean you bust out the
parlor tricks and easy special FX in the hopes it will lure people in
for the sugar alone; good storytelling employs more than a single
hook.

The chapters here (or really, they are one chapter, as chapter 8 is
only a couple paragraphs and the author's combined them in one
submission) are in the middle of the book, so I can't comment on what
came before. But here in the middle of the book I was immediately
intrigued. The author's comments give an outline of what is to follow:
the SFnal elements are slim but the characters are unique. While I
would caution against being *too* slim with the speculative elements
(if chapter 9 is the first time something speculative has shown up in
the narrative then you might have a problem if you want to submit this
to publishers like Tor or DAW), this chapter works well because it
lulls you into interesting historical events then surprises you at the
end with something weird and wonderful.

To immediately answer the author's question of whether the lack of
dialogue in Davidson's parts are tedious: no. And in fact they are the
most interesting parts of the chapter because the voice and
characterizations are so strong. The frame of the book (Isaac's parts)
almost distracted from what I view is the meat of the story. I'm not
sure overall what ultimate effect this will have and how the sections
will be woven together completely, but within this part I found the
in-and-out of Isaac's voice and situation somewhat cumbersome. I don't
suggest tossing it out, of course, especially if his storyline is
essential to understanding the entire book. If on the outside this is
a man-reclaiming-his-past type of narrative, then Isaac is of course
necessary (and in fact I found chapter 10 to be engaging), but just be
careful of structure. Experimental structure should serve the
narrative, help to make sense of it, add depth to the story and plot,
and perhaps even highlight aspects of the characterizations. There
should be more reason for flipping things about than because it's
different or cool.

The anecdote with Gerald is short but effective; Isaac wants to feel.
He says later: "There was a time when I was an active participant in
my life." Like a writer stuck in a rut and knowing that in order to be
authentic or "find himself" he has to put himself at risk somehow. The
image of the saw blade blurring is perfect to end the scene. Beginning
the following chapter with "I have just now opened the lower right
hand drawer of the desk in search of more typing paper" is offputting.
It's a little too self-conscious or obvious, which pulls me out of the
narrative. The frame of this being that Isaac is retelling the events
in Davidson's journal, as well as his own commentary in the present
day, is a slippery slope because the voice threatens to be too
intrusive. Be careful that Isaac doesn't draw the diagram of events
too clearly, leaving the reader with nothing to piece together in
their own mind, or to create their own impressions of things. Isaac's
appraisal and play-by-play can also trump the suspense if it's not
reined in. At the end of the chapter: "How can I assure you, notional
reader, that I am not making this up. These are, if not the words,
definitely the units of meaning of my departed uncle. And it gets
stranger, let me assure you, much stranger." If this sort of language
is used too liberally it can become annoying, like the author is
nudge-winking at the reader. Better to show how strange it gets than
telegraph it ahead of time. Overall it is handled well in this chapter
but in the broader overview of the book it's something to watch.

Davidson himself is a compelling character. There are many "unusual"
elements to this, unusual only because one doesn't usually pick up an
SF novel and find characters of Ojibwe descent, from Ontario Canada,
fighting in the North Korean war. Add to that his odd sojourn with the
mysterious Gim-Ja and these are the original elements I mentioned in
the beginning. While other stories may have some combination of these
mentioned elements, it's in the approach that you find the originality
and thus the intrigue. The narrative on a line by line basis is
accomplished, with a real sense of Voice:

	Davidson spent the rest of that day in silence. It was clear that
	his would soon become a war story once again. Davidson's skin was
	a dark umber and his hair black. But he was over six feet tall,
	and neither narrow; even from a distance his chances of passing
	for Korean or Chinese were slim. So his choice was to simply march
	out into enemy territory (not that the word "enemy" meant a lot to
	Davidson anymore, but he could only presume that the equivalent
	word in the appropriate language meant something to those who
	might find him; or. Or he could wait around to be rescued.
	"Rescued."

Though there is a sense of retelling the events, we are still situated
from Davidson's point of view and thus the narrative takes on a
definite flavor (as opposed to a whitewash kind of "science fiction"
voice that exhibits no color or musicality to the language). This is
another way of approaching tropes with originality: let the language
be truly used instead of merely plugged in. This chapter employed odd
structure that still worked overall, a different sort of protagonist
(or two) in increasingly strange circumstances, and a command of
language that truly tells the story instead of just delivering it.
Though the SFnal elements are slim (but one assumes they become more
integral to the story as it progresses), speculative fiction has a
broad definition and it's refreshing to read works where the borders
are distorted or pushed in some way.

--Karin Lowachee
Author of BURNDIVE and CAGEBIRD
http://www.karinlowachee.com


Editor's Choice, September, Short Story:
"The Weeping Pool -- Part 1" by Eric Lowe

Editor's Choice, Short Story: The Weeping Pool by Eric Lowe

In the last year or so, I've become interested in the idea of American
fantasy -- that is, fantasy which makes use of particularly American
themes, or the American landscape. Good examples of this probably
include classic children's novels like Lynn Reid Bank's THE INDIAN IN
THE CUPBOARD, Louis Sachar's HOLES, M. T. Anderson's THIRSTY, much of
Ray Bradbury or Natalie Babbit's work, or Ysabeau Wilce's forthcoming
novel FLORA SEGUNDA. (For movies, think Katherine Bigelow's NEAR DARK,
or the various DAWN OF THE DEAD incarnations, or the
soon-to-be-released-on-dvd SLITHER.) I was drawn to Eric Lowe's story
"The Weeping Pool" for many reasons, but as with the examples above,
part of the reason why this story is so engaging is that it uses
American history, and an American landscape in a way that I don't
often see in genre. (The Texan narrator of Patrica Anthony's fine,
haunting WWI novel, FLANDERS, would be another example.)

This story succeeds in drawing me in from the eeriness of the opening
sentence:

"On the night after the cornfield fight, the Devil took upon itself
the form of a woman and went out among the dead."

And the opening of the next paragraph pulls me in further:

"I was standing on the west edge of that corn, watching an orange
harvest moon raise its poxy face above the tree line. The damp had
come up, and it made my musket barrel sweat and my bum leg ache. And
then it got deep into my lungs and made me burst out coughing.
Tubercular vapors rise from the earth at night--according to the
Sanitary Commission man--and I rasped and hacked so hard I thought for
sure I'd caught the consumption. The fit lasted for a good five
minutes and when it stopped I felt like I had a week's worth of
breathing to catch up on."

We have a narrator with a matter-of-fact voice, which makes the reader
trust him. It's clear that he's mortal, and vulnerable, and he watches
the unnaturally glowing figure of a woman go from body to body,
slitting each body open with a knife, and extracting something. The
narrator tells us that he has one green eye and one grey. When he
covers up his green eye, the woman disappears. And then the woman
speaks to him, and the story gets stranger yet -- she appears to know
him from another context. She tells him that he's picked a good hiding
place, except for the fact that he appears to be going native, and
that sooner or later she'll take him back where he belongs. Then he
fires at her, and she disappears.

The next day, the narrator's regiment is on the march and he tells us
that through his green eye he can see a "grim" castle always before
his outfit, which he fears more than anything. And as the outfit come
up on enemy soldiers, he says "As per usual, my trick eye tried to
distract me with all manner of strange sights that no one but me could
see." I would like to know whether it seems to him that the invisible
castle grows closer, or whether it is always just on the horizon. You
could certainly describe some of the "strange sights" in this battle
scene, but it's actually a nice touch to let the reader imagine what
strangeness the narrator sees -- and the irony, of course, is that
what one sees on a battlefield is strange and terrible and
unbelievable enough already. The disinterested reactions of the other
soldiers to what the narrator may or may not see seems realistic and
telling.

Overall, the details about the life of soldiers during wartime have
the right mix of grim comedy and day-to-day dreariness. Characters say
and do things here which feel perfectly natural, given the context,
which is highly unnatural. The dialogue is sharp. The overlay of the
supernatural against the details of ordinary life makes both seem more
believable.

As the story progresses, we discover several things -- the Devil is
there to protect the narrator. The castle belongs to the narrator by
way of inheritance. The narrator's true family is something
otherworldly, strange, and bloody. And the narrator, Gimp, is afraid
of all of this. We don't yet know why he's hiding, but I have to
admit, I'm dying to find out why, and what happens next.

I don't have any line edits, and I don't particularly want to make
suggestions, either, lest I get in the way of the author. I have a
small suspicion that this will make not just an excellent short story,
but the opening to a really good novel. I'm curious to see how the
larger, so-far-hidden story of the narrator's life and his
difficulties reflects on the particular historical events that the
writer has chosen as a backdrop. Good luck with this -- and please
don't abandon this story or these characters. There's tremendous
potential here.

One last thing -- a small exercise for those who haven't had much time
to start, let alone finish, new stories. The poet Stephen Dobyns,
stuck in a hotel with a bad fever, once wrote the opening sentences to
50 short stories. Later on he expanded 25 of those sentences into
opening paragraphs. Out of those 25 paragraphs, he got a dozen good
short stories. Why not give this exercise a shot and see what you come
up with?

--Kelly Link
Editor of TRAMPOLINE and co-editor of YEAR'S BEST FANTASY & HORROR
http://www.kellylink.net/

Editor's Choice, September, Horror:
"Instant Message" by William Argyle

In this compact story, Kyle befriends an underage girl on the Internet
and arranges to meet her.  When she sees how old he is, she rejects
him, and he kills her.  She returns from the dead to haunt him on the
Internet and finally to physically confront him.

The piece has some nice description, as when Kyle braces "his hands
against the sink's rim, leaning on it as a preacher would a pulpit"
and when Kyle grabs the girl:   "He fancied it resembled a scene from
a movie, where the hero grabs the heroine roughly . . . and she gives
him a reluctant kiss."  This provides a strong image and at the same
time conveys Kyle's mindset.  While the first few pages move slowly,
as Kyle contemplates what he's done, once the story enters the
flashback, it moves quickly to the end, with some good suspense.

William, you've written a fun horror story.  But I'm going to push you
to try to do more.

The story contains two elements rather common to contemporary horror:
the pedophile and haunting via the Internet.  I've read many stories
with these elements, so there's a danger in using them, since they
lose impact the more the reader is familiar with them.  The more an
element is used, the harder it is to come up with an original way of
using it. William, you mentioned that you are a fantasy writer.  I
think it's great when a writer pushes himself into new terrain.  The
problem is that you may not be as familiar with what's been done in
the horror genre.  That's why it's very important for a writer to read
widely, to read in all genres, and to read both fiction and
nonfiction.  Not only does this help you avoid overused elements, it
also helps you combine various influences to create something uniquely
your own.

That said, I'm not aware of a horror story that mixes these two
elements (though I'm sure there are a few), so the combination gives
you the potential of doing something new.  Many great stories have
been created by combining familiar elements in a new way.  Stephen
King combined the haunted house and the psychic child in THE SHINING.
He combined, by his own description, THE LORD OF THE RINGS and
spaghetti Westerns to create THE DARK TOWER series.  Since pedophiles
work so much through the Internet, it seems appropriate to combine
that element with an Internet haunting.  I don't feel you're doing
enough with this yet, though.  Simply having Kyle and the girl's
spirit chat back and forth feels too much like other stories I've
read, and having the girl turn up as a corpse in his doorway at the
end feels extremely familiar.  To combine these two elements in a
striking and powerful way, I think you need to delve more deeply into
what truly makes pedophilia horrific and what sort of people (both
adults and their victims) are drawn into it.  I don't think you're
really exploring this issue in a new and meaningful way.

As is, the pedophilia feels mainly like a motivation to drive the
story, a method of getting your plot moving so you can get to the
ghostly chat messages and the scary corpse at the end.  If you want
this story to really stand out and stay with us, I think it needs to
be more than that.  You might look at Harlan Ellison's "Croatoan," a
very memorable story about abortion.  Ellison manages to bring new
insight to this issue and to the people involved, while at the same
time writing a story that completely sucks us in, terrifies us, and
doesn't feel at all like it's trying to convey a social message.  He
uses the fantastic in a striking way, creating an underground world in
the sewers where flushed fetuses live.  I think you could do much more
with your supernatural element than just having the dead girl chat
with her killer on the Internet.  You might also consider the way King
explores the issue of child abuse in THE SHINING, conveying the horror
experienced by both the father and the child.

I would suggest you cut the framing device, which creates an opening
for the story that is too internal and passive, and mainly serves to
set up the predictable ending.  Then think more about the characters
and what they are actually doing to each other through their chatting.

I hope this is helpful.  Often, when a writer stretches beyond his
comfort zone, the results are not as immediately satisfying, and he
has to work a lot harder to write a strong piece.  But the effort can
often yield great rewards, as you expand your range and allow yourself
to tackle challenging subjects.

--Jeanne Cavelos
Editor of THE MANY FACES OF VAN HELSING and author of INVOKING DARKNESS
http://www.odysseyworkshop.org


| - - REVIEWER HONOR ROLL - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

The Reviewer Honor Roll area of the workshop recognizes members who
have given useful, insightful reviews.  After all, that's what makes
the workshop go, so we want to give great reviewers a little
well-earned recognition!

If you got a really useful review and would like to add the reviewer
to the Reviewer Honor Roll, use our online honor-roll nomination form
-- log in and link to it from the bottom of the Reviewer Honor
Roll page at http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml.
Your nomination will appear on the first day of the next calendar
month.

The Honor Roll will show all October nominations beginning November 1.
Meanwhile, here are two advance highlights from this month:

Reviewer: William Argyle
Submission: Transcended Chapter 3 by Brad Austin
Submitted by: Brad Austin
Nominator's Comments: William has a great way of giving you the ideas
to really make your story better. He never gives you a half of a
critique. Even if the the critique is 10 pages long, he will go
through the entire story to help you out. The suggestions he offers
are always valid, and you can tell he cares about reading a story he
likes.

Reviewer: D. Melissa Bowden
Submission: ch 8--lily/marassa (pt 2) by cathy freeze
Submitted by: cathy freeze
Nominator's Comments: Melissa always helps me *see* my characters--
her eye is so clear. also, she manages to make me feel like my story
has such worth, which is very helpful. ;) she shows me what others
think of my plot, too, so i can watch those naggy little things that i
might be doing wrong--things that might steer a careful, clever reader
in directions i don't want them going. ;)

Reviewers nominated to the honor roll during September include: Randy
Baker, Buzz Bloom, kit davis, Ruv Draba (2), Shad Fagerland, Satima
Flavell, Elizabeth Porco, and John Tremlett.

We congratulate them all for their excellent reviews. All nominations
received in September can be still found through October 31 at:
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com/honorroll.shtml


| - - PUBLICATION ANNOUNCEMENTS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

We can't announce them if you don't let us know! So drop Charlie a
line at support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com whenever you have good
news to share.

OWW Member Sales and Publications:

Brad Beaulieu sold "Cirque du Lumiere" to Tekno Books for their
upcoming FELLOWSHIP FANTASTIC anthology, to be published summer of
2007 by DAW. We figured we'd see great things from him when he was won
2nd place in Writers of the Future in 2004. "WoTF?" you ask. "The
contest results from the latest quarter are in, aren't they?" Why, yes,
yes they are. Read on...

Looks like Brandon Barr has been busy this year. His story "At the End
of the Time Jump," won first prize in the Christian Fiction Reviewers
short story contest. "The Machine Summer" appeared in the December
2005 issue of _Revelation: the Magazine of Apocalyptic Art and
Literature_, "Frog Hunting" came out in the June issue of _Nova SF_,
and "Mikel's Hope" has just been accepted by _Haruah_.  He says:
"Thanks to everyone who critted one of my stories. The OWW community
has helped my writing beyond where I alone could take it."

J. Michael Blumer's THE BOOK OF SECOND CHANCES will be released this
month from Windstorm Creative Ltd. Congratulations, Mike!

Leah Bobet is on FIRE! Publications this month include: "Deer's
Heart,"available in the October-December issue of _Chizine_
(http://www.chizine.com/), "Lost Wax" in the December issue of _Realms
of Fantasy_, and "And its Noise as a Noise in a Dream; And its Depths
as the Roots of the Sea" is in the Fall 2006 issue of _On Spec_.  Two
poems were also published this month: "Letters to Papa" in MYTHIC II,
an anthology edited by Mike Allen, and "Full Fathom Five" in the Oct.
2 issue of _Strange Horizons_ (http://www.strangehorizons.com/).  But
that's not all! Recent sales include: "The Delicate Nature of
Poisons," a short poem, to _Aoife's Kiss_ and _Fantasy_ accepted TWO
of Leah's stories this month: "A Month of Sundays" and "Furnace Room
Lullaby," which was a September Editor's Choice.  She thanks Elizabeth
Bear, David Haseman, Amanda Downum, Gregory Banks, Chris Coen, Liz
Bourke, Rayne Hall, Jeremy Yoder, Vylar Kaftan, Tom Marcinko, and the
Resident Editors for their collective crits.  But wait, there's more!
"Building A Taller Chair," which appeared in the March 2005 issue of
_Fortean Bureau_, will be reprinted at _Farrago's Wainscot_, a new
exhibit-style market set to open in the new year. Congrats, Leah!

Aliette de Bodard has big news... *drumroll*... Her workshopped story,
"Deer Flight," just sold to _Interzone_. She sends her thanks to Linda
Steele, Kaori Praschak, and Jo Anderton.

The OWW Secret Spy Network has unearthed undeniable evidence that
Stella Evans' story "Everybody's Mother" appears in the current issue
of _On Spec_. Yay!

Rayne Hall sold "The Cursing Stone" to _Rogue Worlds_ and "Anger
Management" to _AlienSkin_. It's been a good year for her, with more
than 20 stories sold. She says the trick is to write more, revise more,
submit more. Good advice, Rayne.

Speaking of Writers of the Future... Kim Jollow's story "Ripping
Carovella" took first place in the second quarter.  Congratulations,
Kim!

Karen Kobylarz also has good news.  She sold her short story "The Book
of Thuti"  to _Leading Edge_  for their April 2007 issue.  She sends
"Thanks to all the workshop members who critiqued it."

Rochita Loenen-Ruiz' workshopped story "Borealis" has been accepted
for inclusion in PHILIPPINE SPECULATIVE FICTION VOL. 2.  She says,
"This is my first time to be included in an anthology, and one that
will be available in local bookshops back home." She doesn't have her
list of reviewers handy, but is thankful to everyone who helped with
the story, particularly Calie Voorhis, Arthur Lambiris, and Marshall
Payne. Also, another of Rochita's pieces has been accepted for
inclusion in the SKIN BYTEBACK book, to be released by Route.

Bill McKinley's short story, "An Act of Resistance," which was
workshopped in 2003, appears in _Revolution SF_
(http://www.revolutionsf.com/).

Yep, you guessed it. Michael Merriam sold another story. His
workshopped short "Far From the Fields" will appear in an upcoming
issue of _Ray Gun Revival_. He thanks OWW members Becky Kyle, Jo
Anderton, Brad Beaulieu, and Karen Swanberg for the crits and
suggestions.

Yep, you guessed it. Jaime Lee Moyer sold another poem. "Farewell"
will appear in issue #4 of _Sybil's Garage_.

The OWW Secret Spy Network has learned from a reliable (but
undisclosed) source that Marshall Payne's story "A Subtle Thing"
appears in Issue 08 of _Ray Gun Revival_.

Where are the sales and accomplishments from OWWers whose last names
begin with Q-Z? Send 'em in, folks.  The Spy Network only reaches so
far.


| - - WORKSHOP STATISTICS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

Number of members as of 10/19:  591 paying, 38 trial
Number of submissions currently online: 391
Percent of submissions with 3 or more reviews:  60.87 %
Percent of submissions with zero reviews: 13.3 %

Average reviews per submission (all submissions): 4.61
Estimated average review word count (all submissions):  643.54

Number of submissions in September: 230
Number of reviews in September: 789
Ratio of reviews/submissions in September: 3.43
Estimated average word count per review in September: 726.47

Number of submissions in October to date: 126
Number of reviews in October to date: 437
Ratio of reviews/submissions in October to date: 3.47
Estimated average word count per review in October to date: 747.39

Total number of under-reviewed submissions: 98 (25.0%)
Number over 3 days old with 0 reviews: 10
Number over 1 week old with under 2 reviews: 36
Number over 2 weeks old with under 3 reviews: 52


| - - FEEDBACK - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |

Send in your questions on speculative-fiction writing for Kelly Link,
and if they're interesting she'll answer them in an upcoming
newsletter.

Got a helpful tip for your fellow members?  A trick or hint for
submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments,
for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your
submission?  Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next
newsletter.  Just send it to  support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and
we'll do the rest.

Until next month -- just write!

The Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy & Horror
http://sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com
support@sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com


| - - Copyright 2006 Online Writing Workshops - - - - - - - - - - - |

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