Online Writing Workshop for Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror

Write a scene in which a character is lying about something. It could be one character lying to another, or it could be an unreliable narrator, lying to the audience. Find a way to tip the audience off that the character is lying.

Remember: Challenges are supposed to be fun, but don't forget to stretch yourself. If you normally write fantasy, try SF. If you've never tried space opera, here's your chance. It doesn't have to be great. It's all about trying new things. There's no word limit, no time limit, no nothin'. Just have fun.  Put "Challenge" in the title so people can find it. This month's writing challenge was submitted by Lindsay Kitson.

Challenges can be suggested by anyone and suggestions should be sent to Maria (news (at) onlinewritingworkshop.com). 

OWW alum and Resident Editor C.C. Finlay will be the Guest Editor for the July/August 2014 issue of Fantasy & Science Fiction. Charlie's very first professional sale was a story that he workshopped on OWW and sold to F&SF. ÊHe will be accepting electronic submissions from January 1-14, a first for the magazine. Read the full announcement here, and then get your stories ready for submission: http://www.ccfinlay.com/blog/guest-editing-fsf.html

ODYSSEY WRITING WORKSHOPS CHARITABLE TRUST ANNOUNCES WINTER 2014 ONLINE CLASSES

All Odyssey Online courses involve live online class meetings, so students can ask questions and participate in the class. Each course is designed to provide intensive focus on a particular aspect of fiction writing and challenging homework assignments to help students improve their skills. Feedback from the instructor and from classmates allows students to make strong improvements. Each student also has an individual meeting with the instructor. Courses provide a supportive yet challenging, energizing atmosphere, with class size limited to fourteen students. While courses are designed for adult writers of fantasy, science fiction, and horror, interested writers of all genres are welcome to apply.

Odyssey's winter 2014 courses:

Powerful Dialogue in Fantastic Fiction
Course Meets: January 2 - 30, 2014
Instructor: Jeanne Cavelos
Application Deadline: December 7, 2013

The Heart of the Matter: Bringing Emotional Resonance to Your Storytelling
Course Meets: January 6 - February 3, 2014
Instructor: Barbara Ashford
Application Deadline: December 10, 2013

The Secrets of a Satisfying Short Story
Course Meets: January 23 - February 20, 2014
Instructor: Nancy Holder
Application Deadline: December 27, 2013

More information about Odyssey's online classes can be found here: http://www.odysseyworkshop.org/online.html or by emailing jcavelos@sff.net.

The Editors' Choices are chosen from the submissions from the previous month that show the most potential or otherwise earn the admiration of our Resident Editors. Submissions in four categories -- science fiction chapters, fantasy chapters, horror, and short stories -- receive a detailed review, meant to be educational for others as well as the author. 

CAVALIER, PART 1, by Aaron John Matthews

This is a very promising beginning, elements of which are actually quite dazzling. It displays a real gift for language and character, a very professional level of subtlety, and a nice clarity of vision. I'm in particular impressed by the prose, which is already on a level such that it will benefit from the fiddliest of fine-tuning.

As an example: "I reined my pony to a halt. At my side, the Black Knight and his charger did the same. " The error here lies in the details. The Black Knight and his charger are not doing the same; rather, the Black Knight is doing the same with his charger.  This may seem like an insignificant detail, but every bit of work you put into smoothing and focusing the narrative pays off in ease of reading. And ease of reading pays off in reader engagement.

I urge the author to become more aware of sequence and parallelism, and how to move smoothly through transitions. His imagery and sentence-wrangling is already operating at a very high level.

The character voice, however, does not sound quite right for a twelve-year-old. Even a high-Medieval twelve-year-old, who would perforce be operating on a much more adult level than a modern one.

That's a minor problem, however. The real difficulty with this chapter as written is structural. The flashbacks are awkward, unfortunately, and they present-day narrative has the side effect of making the past-time story feel like an obstacle that must be overcome in order to return to the narrative that's got the reader's interest. One of many problems with jumping time streams in this manner is that, just as with switching point of view, each new section must re-hook the reader's attention and re-establish momentum. Unfortunately, for me at least, the past-time sections are failing to do that. I had to force myself not to skim over them for purposes of critique, and if I were reading the book for pleasure, I'm not sure I would have been willing to make the effort.

Essentially, the author is telling the punchline, and then attempting to set up the joke. It's just not working for me.

There's a similar problem with the even deeper flashback and exposition contained in the poetic section. Poetry will tend to make a lot of readers skim--even Tolkien's poetry has this effect, and Tolkien's poetry is probably better than what most of us can muster. Also, again, it's plunging us awkwardly into a section of the narrative that we're disengaged with, and which we don't really care about. Especially since it's reiterating information that we more or less already have--that the King's sister was treacherously killed, and he then declared vengeance.

Exposition works when it tells us something we're wondering about. When it serves as a reward, in other words. Good exposition follows many of the techniques of good nonfiction writing. When it's not rewarding and fun to read, no amount of stunt writing is going to make it fun.

As such, stunt writing is best reserved for those things that only it can accomplish. The least complicated way to tell a story is often the best one. This author is accomplished enough that I would urge him very strongly to trust his narrative. Trust the strength of his story.

When we are learning our craft, we have not yet developed an extensive toolbox. Experimentation is important. But we also have a tendency to use the wrong tool for the job because it's what we happen to have. This is often expressed as, "When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail," but that's not quite right. It's more, "When all you have is a hammer, you have limited means of dealing with anything that isn't a nail."

I can be a big fan of nontraditional structures, but I feel like they should serve a purpose. In this case, I really feel that the nonlinear nature of this narrative is not doing the book any favors. Honestly, it's often very good advice to just begin at the beginning--at the moment when things change, or--especially in the case of a first-person narrative such as this one--at the moment when the protagonist becomes aware that things have changed.

However, I'm also very fond of the opening of this story, and the tension it creates in the reader, and the way the narrator is aware of the unreliable nature of his own tale. As a fix, then, I would suggest that what I think (and I may of course be wrong) to be the easiest and most effective means of restructuring this book is already implied in the manuscript.

Rather than alternating present-day and flashback, I'd suggest that the author consider using the present-day narrative as a frame story, and allowing Mirth to then relate the tale of what had occurred in the past to the King. This sustains tension (including the mystery of who the Black Knight is) and still allows the big cinematic opening, and the weary sense of apprehension that I think is a real strength of these pages.

I'd be remiss, by the way, if I didn't shout-out to the spark in the dialogue. There's real wit in these characters and in the lines the author has written for them, and that's a good, rare ability. Lines like, "And yet no man will say Mirth returned to Andrestal Keep today," helps make this as appealing as it is.

Well done, sir.

--Elizabeth Bear
Author of THE SEA THY MISTRESS

PARKLAND, CHAPTER 2 by Michael Keyton

I almost selected PARKLAND, Chapter 1 as the Editor's Choice for September. The chapter contains highly skilled writing that gives me a lot of confidence in the author. But I ended up not selecting it because I didn't feel that enough happened to make it a good opening for a book. In the end, for me, there was too much exposition about Daniel Tovey being a revolutionary instead of seeing him do something revolutionary. And the scene with Mary and Rachel felt very internalized, static and expository.

Chapter 2, on the other hand, is excellent. The scene with Rachel and her grandfather Krasson is both sweet and creepy, full of telling details. I loved this exchange between the two of them:

"Do your camel walk!" she had ordered, and he had said, only if "Rachel Camel" joined him, and then they had bounced in a slow, stately wobble towards the front door.

Then just a few lines later, while he plays with Rachel, Krasson is thinking about his daughter Mary and her ex-, Daniel Tovey, the rebel. He imagines Daniel getting caught and punished for opposing the system.

Krasson smiled at the thought. Ceres caught everyone, the more dangerous punitively aged. And how would Mary like that -- sex with a thin, wrinkled bag? Perhaps he'd personally arrange it -- and watch.

The contrast is chilling. In Chapter 1, Mary tells us that Krasson appears to adore his granddaughter but really only thinks about himself. Here in this chapter, we see it demonstrated far more effectively. We feel it.

We also get a more direct experience of Mary's addiction to her virtual worlds. We're told about it in Chapter 1, but here in Chapter 2 we get to see it vividly. The juxtaposition of her real life, in the bunker-like apartment of "Eustace Burrows," compared to her virtual experience with the selkie is awesome, especially when she has to come out of the daze to greet her daughter. It makes her a much more sympathetic character, and it promises the potential to say interesting things about the effects of fiction on people's lives and choices.

In all, this is a great second chapter, with interesting characters, a constant underlying tension, and plenty of world-building and exposition built into the action of the scenes. My only advice for improving it is to write a better Chapter 1.

Often in novels, and especially in speculative fiction, you see a pattern where Chapter 1 contains some dramatic event or action and then Chapter 2 provides key background that develops the characters and the world. I think I first noticed this as a technique in the books of Lois McMaster Bujold, but since then I've noticed it in many other books. Chapter 2 of Parkland fits this pattern.

A first chapter focused on Daniel Tovey, in which he is physically active and pursuing some specific goal, could provide a better hook to the novel. The opening paragraphs in the current draft seem to be going in this direction, but then we find out it's a cheat, and he's brought back to a still room where we get exposition instead. If there is an event or action to immerse him in, something that reveals the differences between our world and theirs, it could be much stronger. Right now, I don't have a strong sense of what Daniel is rebelling against or why he's willing to give up everything -- his family -- for it. Dramatizing the worst traits of this society, and showing him opposing them in some narratively interesting way, would make me as a reader much more deeply invested in the story. I'm not sure that the Chapter 1 scene with Mary and Rachel is needed at all. It is mostly static, and doesn't reveal anything that we don't also get in Chapter 2.

Overall, this is writing at a very high level. Find a way to get me deep into the world and the story faster, and I'll be excited to keep reading.

--C.C. Finlay
www.ccfinlay.com

"Things Lost Under Bridges", Roberta Ecks

"Things Lost Under Bridges" is an ambitious piece, both structurally and in terms of its subject matter, but not one that's yet carrying off all the things it aspires to. It's a good piece with which to discuss stylistic effects this month, and how we find the sweet spot where they contribute fully to -- but don't overshadow -- the story.

There's a lot to intrigue going on in "Things Lost Under Bridges": The sense of a future distributed unequally, as in last month's Editor's Choice; the clear prose and quickly sketched but realistic-feeling characters. There's also good use of recursion in here to build a familiar, and then tinker with it to show change: The "old vomit and fresh urine" reappearing at the end as blood; the refrain of "if the sun could find you, anyone could" -- and how that's changed, and proven untrue, at the end of the piece.

In one sense, the way "Things Lost Under Bridges" only obliquely hints at both Jones's history and fate does some strong thematic work. It dovetails really smartly with the official, social disappearing act going on throughout the story -- how the people this society doesn't want are so effectively barred from being made visible -- and the slow decline in technology Jones, Slippery John, Jenny Cats, and the kids appeal to make their voices heard. Everything's slowly removed as we go through the piece: TVs to newspapers to word of mouth; computers to snail mail to a carrier pigeon; Jones as professor to dying in a ditch. It's a parallel process of decline, nicely constructed.

Unfortunately, it's also the piece's main stumbling block. While, according to the author's notes, it's an experiment in sketching in lightly rather than putting everything plus friends on the page, "Things Lost Under Bridges" sketches, consistently, too lightly--and barely gets the plot onto the page.

The author's note is not something I normally touch upon in critiques, but it merits discussion at this point. I'd unfortunately beg to differ on the author's point of it being a story you either get immediately or not at all: The responsibility for whether a story is clear or not isn't on readers that way. If the plot's not getting across, that's a story problem, not a reader problem, and our job as writers is to get back to the drawing board and address that problem. That is what a magazine means when they say to send your best: That we have taken that piece to the absolute edge of our ability, and done our best to communicate the idea to everyone else.

The reason to bring this up is that without the spoilers and hints in the author's note, I would have never even located the idea that Jones is killed at the end, or picked up half the thematic content. In short, it highlights just how much of the plot isn't in the story itself, and how much needs to be, if this piece is going to succeed in getting across what it's got to say.

If finding the balance between the structural effect, limited POV, and communicating with readers is proving difficult, I'd suggest the following: Put down every detail of the plot, of the characters. Overwrite them; spill it all out. Answer, if only for yourself, every question about the people and world that reviewers are asking. And then, when you've ascertained what's important to show, start to cut the rest out or soften it down into inflection. There's utility in treating a story as negative space sometimes, or finding it like a sculpture--pared down from what's taken out--and this might be a piece that benefits from that sort of revision approach.

Likewise, if reviewers are asking questions about Jones and his past that aren't necessarily pertinent to the main point of the piece, it's worth sitting back to consider what hints are being laid in about what is important, and how to direct them to something satisfying. The questions are an indicator that readers aren't finding what's there satisfying, and assume something is missing -- but they're going down the wrong roads to find it. To borrow a metaphor from former workshopper Celia Marsh, look at what roads you've laid down, put fences in front of the ones that readers aren't supposed to follow, and open the gates to the roads you want them to take. Lay in information that links and points to the conclusion the story is working towards, and the questions will dry up.

"Things Lost Under Bridges" has the potential to be a sharply powerful piece, a science-fictional discussion of who we mean when we say "everyone," the barriers bureaucratic literacy and technology place between people and what they need, poverty, undesirability. But to do this, it needs to be fully on the page, and not still half-living in concept stage.

Best of luck with it!

--Leah Bobet
Author of ABOVE

"Carus & Mitch" Part 1 of 3 by Tim Major

In a novella about two sisters, the relationship between the sisters is key to the piece's success. Part 1 of "Carus & Mitch" succeeds in showing a believable, emotional, layered, and involving relationship that provides both internal and external conflict to the story, builds suspense, and makes the reader care about both sisters. That is a great strength of this piece.

This opening section of the novella also often does a good job of planting questions in the reader's mind that drive the reader to keep reading. Sisters Carus, fifteen, and Mitch, seven, are barricaded in their house against people who occasionally approach, cough, and scratch at their windows. Are they zombies or something else? Will they get in? The reader has to keep reading to find out. Carus has an arrangement with Jom, exchanging eggs (from chickens Carus and Mitch raise in their house) for various necessities. Who is Jom? What will happen to the sisters if he ceases to deliver their supplies? Readers can see the fragility of the situation and many potential dangers. Will they come to pass?

Planting questions and withholding information can be very powerful techniques to engage the reader, build suspense, and drive the story ahead. But figuring out exactly which information to withhold and which information to reveal (and when), can be extremely difficult. One weakness of the piece is that it sometimes withholds too much, creating confusion and frustration. Often, an author doesn't even realize he is withholding a critical piece of information. I didn't know that the first-person narrator, Carus, was female until 3 1/2 pages into the story. This led me to create an idea of the situation in my head in those first pages that I had to change completely once I learned the truth. Making mental changes like that are very difficult for the reader, so if at all possible, the author wants to help the reader form a correct picture from the start.

The name Mitch is traditionally male, so for the first page, I thought "her" and "she" referred to one character, and "Mitch" referred to another, when the truth was they all referred to Mitch. When the narrator begins calling for Mitch, I decided that Mitch was a dog or some other pet. This created extreme confusion for the first several pages.

Another common problem that can arise when an author raises questions is that the questions may not be compelling to the reader. If an author is going to take up space in the reader's brain by planting a question, then that question should be compelling and involving, driving the reader to gather clues and form theories and fears. The piece opens with Carus awaking from a dream about drowning, which readers later learn is a recurring dream and somehow related to dizzy spells. This indicates the dreams are important and raises several questions: What do the dreams mean? Why is Carus having them? Will she drown? Why is she having fainting spells? Yet for me, anyway, none of these questions is compelling. The main reason is that the dreams don't seem to be part of a causal chain. If there is something causing them, I don't yet know what it is, so it seems as if the author is simply giving the character dreams, and if they get worse it will be because the author decides to make them worse. While the author controls everything in a story, readers really want the illusion that events are unfolding on their own, through a chain of cause and effect. This illusion allows readers to feel suspense and worry about what will happen. If readers feel like the story will just turn out however the author wants, then the suspense dies.

For the rest of this review, visit the Editors' Choice area of the OWW site!

--Jeanne Cavelos, editor, author, director of Odyssey

Working with a Cover Designer
by Maria Zannini

Whether you're self-publishing or working through a publisher, at some point you'll have to discuss your future cover.  As a cover designer and an author, I've been on both sides of that table, so I'd like to tell you a little bit of what to expect and what to provide for your cover artist.

If you're working through a publisher, chances are slim you'll ever talk to the designer directly. A few of the small publishers allow some interaction, but most prefer that you use your editor or the art director as your intermediary. You may be given a questionnaire asking for details about your book. You'll be asked for a short synopsis, with a description of your book's characters, location, and time period. Some publishers ask you to include links to other covers, or photos of people who fit your characters' description.

Never assume that anything you give them will make it to the final cover. Depending on the size of your publisher, many people may pass judgment on your cover long before you see it. All you can do is hope that some of what you asked for will be included.

A good cover doesn't illustrate a scene from your book. It might be a pleasant coincidence, but illustrating a scene shouldn't be the driving force behind the cover. Instead the cover should be a selling tool that makes an immediate impact with anyone browsing shelves (either online or in a brick-and-mortar store).

Ah, but what if you're self-publishing? Then the onus of finding a good cover designer is squarely on your shoulders, and designers come at all levels of price and ability.  My advice is to take the time to interview them. It costs nothing to find out if the designer is a good match for your project. Ask about fees, revisions, and what sort of files you'll receive for the money. Ask about turnarounds. How long will the project take from start to finish? How long will you have to wait for your turn in their queue?

Stay away from designers who don't understand the difference between print versus digital publication. The color profiles are different and you could wind up with some funky color schemes if the artist uses the wrong profile.

If you feel you have a good eye for aesthetics and a good grasp of a photo manipulation program, go for it; otherwise invest in an experienced designer. This is not the place to skimp on quality. That cover is your first calling card to potential readers and booksellers. It has to make them stop and take a second look.

For Self-Publishers

• Study covers widely. If you see styles you like, contact the authors to find out who they used.

• Plan ahead. Some cover designers book far in advance.

• At least in the US, cover art is part of doing business and therefore deductible on your taxes.

When Working with a Publisher

• Don't expect to be allowed a lot of changes--especially if your book is being published with a medium to large publisher. It's rare that a publisher will grant you any revisions in the art unless there is an obvious mistake.

• Don't fret if it's not what you envisioned as long as it keeps the story's essence. Remember that it's there to create a response, not tell the story. (That's your job.)

• Publishers work on timetables. The sooner you return their art questionnaire, the more time the artist has to complete the cover before the publishing deadline.

Whether you self-publish or use a traditional publisher, trust your cover artist's expertise. Micro-managing only muddles the layout and can increase the final cost of the cover. Do your part by providing clear details about your story and then get ready for the big reveal. There's nothing nicer than a new cover.

Maria Zannini is the graphic artist behind Book Cover Diva. With over 30 years' experience, she has created covers for self-publishers and traditional publishers in genres from romance to mysteries, as well as nonfiction. 

Karl Bunker says: "Analog has published ‘This Quiet Dust'; it's in the January/February 2014 issue."

Gio Clairval announced, "'Intersection' will appear in Galaxy's Edge #6 in January 2014 (sparkler?)."

Mary Garber tells us that "Survival of the Wolf" will appear in the Winter 2013/14 edition of Tales of the Talisman.

Tom Greene announced: "‘Another Man's Treasure' has been sold to Analog."

Michael Keyton says, "Glad to report a sale to Dark Oak Press for their Anthology Luna's Children -- Stranger Wereworlds. The story is called 'Ailsa' and my thanks, as always, to the workshop and those who critted it for me. It should be comng out in December or January."

Tony Peak announced that "Page of Skulls" has been published by Electric Spec.

Cory Skerry tells us: "'Castle of Masks' will appear in Once Upon A Time: New Fairy Tales (Prime Books)" 

Ian Tregillis's story "What Doctor Ivanovich Saw" is in the current issue of Subterranean Press Magazine.

The Reviewer Honor Roll is a great way to pay back a reviewer for a really useful review. When you nominate a reviewer, we list the reviewer's name, the submission/author reviewed, and your explanation of what made the review so useful. The nomination appears in the Honor Roll area of OWW the month after you submit it, and is listed for a month. You can nominate reviewers of your own submissions or reviewers of other submissions, if you have learned from reading the review. Think of it as a structured, public "thank you" that gives credit where credit is due and helps direct other OWWers to useful reviewers and useful review skills.

Visit the Reviewer Honor Roll page for a complete list of nominees and explanatory nominations.

November 2013 Honor Roll Nominees Reviewer:

Reviewer: Karen Lee-Thorp
Submission: Heisenberg's CERTAINTY Principle by nicole minsk
Submitted by: nicole minsk

Reviewer: Bo Balder
Submission: Tech-Wizard Bard (Chapters 1-3 of a long short story) C4C by Rita de Heer
Submitted by: Rita de Heer

SOMETHING MORE THAN NIGHT by Ian Tregillis (Tor Books, December 2013)

Ian Tregillis's Something More Than Night is a Dashiell Hammett and Raymond Chandler-inspired murder mystery set in Thomas Aquinas's vision of Heaven. It's a noir detective story starring fallen angels, the heavenly choir, nightclub stigmatics, a priest with a dirty secret, a femme fatale, and the Voice of God.

Somebody has murdered the angel Gabriel. Worse, the Jericho Trumpet has gone missing, putting Heaven on the brink of a truly cosmic crisis. But the twisty plot that unfolds from the murder investigation leads to something much bigger: a con job one billion years in the making.

Fees: $49/year, $30/6 months, or $6/month. First trial month free. (more)

This month's featured article from our Tips and Advice section:

Workshop member Greg Byrne on scene analysis--how to make sure each scene helps the story

Got a helpful tip for your fellow members? A trick or hint for submitting or reviewing, for what to put in your author's comments, for getting good reviews, or for formatting or titling your submission? Share it with us and we'll publish it in the next newsletter. Just send it to support (at) sff.onlinewritingworkshop.com and we'll do the rest.